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Love's Labour's Lost


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shall give us cause to

      climb

          in the merriness.

        COSTARD. The matter is to me, sir, as concerning Jaquenetta.

          The manner of it is, I was taken with the manner.

        BEROWNE. In what manner?

        COSTARD. In manner and form following, sir; all those three: I

      was

          seen with her in the manor-house, sitting with her upon the

      form,

          and taken following her into the park; which, put together,

      is in

          manner and form following. Now, sir, for the manner- it is

      the

          manner of a man to speak to a woman. For the form- in some

      form.

        BEROWNE. For the following, sir?

        COSTARD. As it shall follow in my correction; and God defend

      the

          right!

        KING. Will you hear this letter with attention?

        BEROWNE. As we would hear an oracle.

        COSTARD. Such is the simplicity of man to hearken after the

      flesh.

        KING. [Reads] 'Great deputy, the welkin's vicegerent and sole

          dominator of Navarre, my soul's earth's god and body's

      fost'ring

          patron'-

        COSTARD. Not a word of Costard yet.

        KING. [Reads] 'So it is'-

        COSTARD. It may be so; but if he say it is so, he is, in

      telling

          true, but so.

        KING. Peace!

        COSTARD. Be to me, and every man that dares not fight!

        KING. No words!

        COSTARD. Of other men's secrets, I beseech you.

        KING. [Reads] 'So it is, besieged with sable-coloured

      melancholy, I

          did commend the black oppressing humour to the most wholesome

          physic of thy health-giving air; and, as I am a gentleman,

      betook

          myself to walk. The time When? About the sixth hour; when

      beasts

          most graze, birds best peck, and men sit down to that

      nourishment

          which is called supper. So much for the time When. Now for

      the

          ground Which? which, I mean, I upon; it is ycleped thy park.

      Then

          for the place Where? where, I mean, I did encounter that

      obscene

          and most prepost'rous event that draweth from my snow-white

      pen

          the ebon-coloured ink which here thou viewest, beholdest,

          surveyest, or seest. But to the place Where? It standeth

          north-north-east and by east from the west corner of thy

          curious-knotted garden. There did I see that low-spirited

      swain,

          that base minnow of thy mirth,'

        COSTARD. Me?

        KING. 'that unlettered small-knowing soul,'

        COSTARD. Me?

        KING. 'that shallow vassal,'

        COSTARD. Still me?

        KING. 'which, as I remember, hight Costard,'

        COSTARD. O, me!

        KING. 'sorted and consorted, contrary to thy established

      proclaimed

          edict and continent canon; which, with, O, with- but with

      this I

          passion to say wherewith-'

        COSTARD. With a wench.

          King. 'with a child of our grandmother Eve, a female; or, for

      thy

          more sweet understanding, a woman. Him I, as my ever-esteemed

          duty pricks me on, have sent to thee, to receive the meed of

          punishment, by thy sweet Grace's officer, Antony Dull, a man

      of

          good repute, carriage, bearing, and estimation.'

        DULL. Me, an't shall please you; I am Antony Dull.

        KING. 'For Jaquenetta- so is the weaker vessel called, which I

          apprehended with the aforesaid swain- I keep her as a vessel

      of

          thy law's fury; and shall, at the least of thy sweet notice,

          bring her to trial. Thine, in all compliments of devoted and

          heart-burning heat of duty,

                                               DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.'

        BEROWNE. This is not so well as I look'd for, but the best that

          ever I heard.

        KING. Ay, the best for the worst. But, sirrah, what say you to

          this?

        COSTARD. Sir, I confess the wench.

        KING. Did you hear the proclamation?

        COSTARD. I do confess much of the hearing it, but little of the

          marking of it.

        KING. It was proclaimed a year's imprisonment to be taken with

      a

          wench.

        COSTARD. I was taken with none, sir; I was taken with a damsel.

        KING. Well, it was proclaimed damsel.

        COSTARD. This was no damsel neither, sir; she was a virgin.

        KING. It is so varied too, for it was proclaimed virgin.

        COSTARD. If it were, I deny her virginity; I was taken with a

      maid.

        KING. This 'maid' not serve your turn, sir.

        COSTARD. This maid will serve my turn, sir.

        KING. Sir, I will pronounce your sentence: you shall fast a

      week

          with bran and water.

        COSTARD. I had rather pray a month with mutton and porridge.

        KING. And Don Armado shall be your keeper.

          My Lord Berowne, see him delivered o'er;

          And go we, lords, to put in practice that

          Which each to other hath so strongly sworn.

                                   Exeunt KING, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN

        BEROWNE.