examine how people use tools such as metaphor, visionary statements, autobiographical stories and moral arguments to craft more memorable missives. We’ll also take a long look at how speakers can deploy emotions – such as pride and shame, excitement and fear, for instance – to nudge people into action.
When should you use the word “I” rather than the word “we”? And when should you talk about “thinking” as opposed to “feeling”? These may seem tiny, trivial distinctions. But we’ll look at forensic studies demonstrating that even subtle changes of wording can sometimes make a real difference.
Even subtle changes of wording can sometimes make a real difference.
In this, the longest chapter in the book, we’ll explore both academic studies and real-world examples of how superstar orators, entrepreneurs, salespeople and captains of industry use verbal techniques to help their messages hit home. For example, we’ll see how a badly worded email cemented the downfall of one of the most successful companies of the 21st century. And we’ll discover how the cheesy saying “If you can believe, you can achieve” may just have merit after all.
Chapter 4: Augmenting Performance through Passion
When I first floated the idea of a book about standout individuals to friends, colleagues and clients, I heard occasional concerns: the book would be about the triumph of style over substance. It would simply teach people to promote themselves and suck up attention even if they didn’t have the underlying skills or capabilities to back anything up.
One of my clients wondered: “Doesn’t the notion of standing out play into the hands of self-promoters who talk a good game but never produce the goods?”
Most stellar individuals make their mark because they manage to deliver results.
But most stellar individuals make their mark because they manage to deliver results, because they’re actually good at their jobs. And Chapter 4 will focus squarely on how people stand out by doing sensational work and making things happen.
Here’s another way of putting it: the first three chapters will look at inspiring and moving others. But this fourth chapter will concentrate on how people inspire and move themselves, as studies tell us that people who enjoy what they do tend to perform better than those who don’t. So how can all of us find a place in the world that allows us to feel that little bit more enthusiastic about our working lives?
Conclusions: Onwards, Upwards and Over to You
By the time we near the end of our excursion, we will have scrutinized dozens of research studies conducted by the brightest minds on the planet; we will have delved into the lives of many fascinating individuals. You will be armed with enough tools and techniques to keep you busy for months.
But this book isn’t meant to be a dry, academic tome to be read and then set aside, never to be picked up again. I really hope this is a book you will use. That you will apply the principles and practices to overhaul how you use language and behave. That you will think more deeply about the audiences you will address. That you will interact with people in ways that will allow you to be influential and effective.
So in this final section of the book, we’ll look at how to take those techniques and recommendations and translate them into a plan of action. I won’t have done my job unless you decide to do something differently.
I really hope this is a book you will apply.
But I’m talking about the end of the book and we haven’t really begun yet. So let us start at the beginning by looking at the conundrum of confidence. Why does telling yourself to calm down not work? Why should you sit down to write an essay before your next job interview or a hot date? And how could understanding that your skull isn’t made of glass help you to appear more confident and persuasive?
1
Boosting Self-belief and Debunking the Confidence Con
I learnt that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.
Could you get turned down dozens of times every day, week after week after week, year after year?
I couldn’t. In fact, when I was at university and needed a temporary job, I tried my hand at telephone sales.
I lasted one day.
But that’s the reality of life for most salespeople. And that’s why it takes bundles of confidence to approach dozens or maybe even hundreds of people every single day and get knocked back by most of them.
Permit me to introduce you to a dogged sales manager I’ll call Julia Kryger. I clearly remember the first time we met because I wondered if she might be trouble. I was running a workshop – the first of five leadership development boot camps – and she was one of the half-dozen senior managers I was working with.
Nearly everyone else in the workshop seemed chatty, friendly, engaged. They listened attentively as I presented. They reflected on the questions I asked them. They took part in the discussions and raised sensible queries. But not Kryger.
She sat with her legs crossed, checked her smartphone every few minutes and said almost nothing. With her tanned, athletic frame and North American accent, I imagined she was probably a cheerleader or even a mean girl at school. She came across as aloof, tough and iron-lady confident. I wondered if she might be a sceptic, thinking she already knew it all or didn’t believe that leadership was a teachable discipline.
Fast forward nearly a year and she laughed warmly as I shared my recollections of my first impressions of her.
“If you were to do a survey of my colleagues, they would probably say that I’m one of the most confident people in the business. They would describe me as really ambitious, confident, on it, quite matter of fact, very business oriented, just like a bulldozer,” she told me.
Kryger is Head of International Sales for a UK-based “audience technology” start-up. The fledgling business uses clever algorithms to help advertisers target people online. Within the space of just over a year, she has already recruited a sales squad of three people who report to her and she has landed deals with top brands, including Adidas, British Airways, Volkswagen and Marriott Hotels, to the tune of £2 million. She’s the youngest person on the management board too. Not bad for a 28-year-old.
“I say this not to toot my own horn but I do feel I’ve excelled really quickly. I’ve moved up the ranks pretty quickly and on minimal experience,” she said.
She had just got back from a business trip to Germany where she and her boss were pitching to a major advertiser. She was in France and the Netherlands not long before that too. Clearly, she’s the kind of strong-willed individual who just loves high pressure and landing big deals, right?
“Even [my boss] said this to me: ‘You must love presenting in front of a room full of people. You’re like this power woman. You eat people alive.’”
But it’s an impression that conceals an emotional battle raging secretly within her. Only a handful of her closest compatriots know that she has wrestled greatly with fear, suffered overwhelming panic attacks and has even sought medical help for anxiety-related health issues.
There are people that mask anxiety really well and others that cower and hide.
“There are people that mask anxiety really well and others that cower and hide and I’m definitely one of those people that puts on a face when I walk in the door at work,” she admitted.
Kryger experienced her first panic attack three months into her current role. Ironically, her boss had that day told her how proud he was of her rapid success. He had initially set her a target of bringing in £25,000 of revenue and she had brought in over £50,000.
In celebration, she went shopping for a new pair of jeans in Top Shop when she suddenly noticed that she felt really “spaced out”. She rushed home with the sense that something terrible was happening. The moment she walked through the door, she was hit by a wave of new crippling sensations. She was so scared that she