Robin Talley

As I Descended


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to do all of that.”

      Maria’s heart pounded. The air in the bathroom was starting to feel way too much like the old dining hall had the night before.

      That strange sensation hovered at the edges of her consciousness. The feeling that she and Lily weren’t the only two people here.

      “Hang on.” Lily pulled her phone out of her pocket. Maria watched over her shoulder. She was texting Brandon. Asking him when the athletics department had scheduled the fall round of drug testing.

      “What are you doing?” Maria said. “What difference does that make?”

      “It’s just an idea.”

      Lily’s phone buzzed right away. Apparently, Brandon was still awake, hanging out alone in his room while his friends were all down here. It made Maria sad to think about.

      According to his text, the testing was scheduled for Wednesday. If they told anyone where they got the info, Brandon would get suspended for sure, and—

      Lily shut off the screen.

      “Wednesday,” Maria said.

      Lily and Maria gazed at each other. Suddenly Lily’s plan became clear.

      Maria had always regretted not turning Delilah in. She’d be soccer captain right now if she’d told on Delilah and Coach Tartar. She might even have been in the top spot on the list this morning.

      Was this . . . her second chance?

      “If Delilah comes up positive on the drug test—”

      “Then she’s off the team, and on probation too,” Lily finished. “Maybe even suspended.”

      Last year two seniors had tested positive for pot a month before graduation. They’d gotten suspended for three weeks. They both had to take incompletes for the year and make up the credits over the summer.

      “It’ll go on her permanent record,” Lily said. “The prize committee will find out. It would go on her college applications too.”

      “And that means—”

      Maria’s heart was still pounding. But with excitement this time.

      Delilah was high right now. Right on the other side of that door. How perfect would it be if she got herself kicked off the team, kicked out of first place in the senior class, kicked off the list of Kingsley finalists?

      Lily was right. It should have been Maria the whole time. All of it should have been hers. With Delilah out of the way, Maria could have everything she’d ever wanted.

      This was too good to be true.

      Wait.

      “Hang on,” Maria said. “Today’s Saturday. How long does oxy stay in your system?”

      Lily picked up her phone again and Googled. It wasn’t easy to find the answer. They had to go to a bunch of different sites, and they all seemed to say different things. Most said you’d test positive for oxy about three or four days after your last dose.

      “Three or four days,” Lily said.

      “Three or four days.”

      “So if she took the stuff tonight—”

      Maria counted. “Wednesday is four days away. It might work.”

      “It’s five days away, counting today. “

      “So we’re screwed.” Maria leaned over the edge of the tub and put her head between her knees. It was all over before it had even begun.

      “Unless she does it again right before the test,” Lily said slowly.

      That sensation was prickling along Maria’s neck again. The feeling of being watched.

      “She won’t.” Maria kept her head down, her eyes fixed on the floor. “We have practice every day this week. She never parties the night before a practice.”

      “She might if you asked her to. Hasn’t she been pestering you to go with her into town?”

      “Ugh, yes.”

      Delilah loved going into the decrepit little town next to campus. In Lennox, the teenagers wore “Jesus Saves” T-shirts, the storefronts had been boarded up for the past decade, and a redneck with a bottle tucked into a brown paper bag sat on every other stoop. Going into town and goofing off while the townies watched with hatred in their eyes had always been one of Delilah’s favorite activities, especially when she could do it with Maria.

      Lately Delilah had been getting sentimental about school ending. She kept talking about how she was going to miss her friends so much. Even though, as far as Maria could tell, Delilah didn’t have any real friends.

      That, Maria thought, was why she did oxy. Because it made her feel like she loved everyone.

      Maria was pretty sure Delilah didn’t know how to love anyone at all, except maybe herself. She’d feel sorry for her . . . if she didn’t hate her so much.

      “Tell her you’ll go out Tuesday night,” Lily said. “To that sketchy bar by the Kroger. They never card. I’m out of oxy until next month, so I’ll get some from Austin. Once Delilah sees you have it she won’t be able to say no.”

      “Yes, she will. The night before a practice when the league championship is three days away? She will.”

      “Well, if she does, then when she goes to the bathroom you put it in her drink.”

      Maria’s head jerked up. “I what?”

      Lily’s face was so calm it was scary. “You’re not doing anything to her she doesn’t do to herself every weekend already.”

      Maria closed her eyes so she wouldn’t have to see that look on Lily’s face anymore.

      This was crazy. It was beyond crazy—it was insane. Resenting your friend was one thing. Drugging her was something else.

      “But—no,” Maria said. “I just can’t.”

      Lily said something else, but Maria didn’t hear her.

      There were rules. Laws. The world was set up a certain way.

      Maria’s mother was a politician. All her life, Maria had been trained to be the model daughter. Speak when spoken to, keep your hair combed, and don’t break the rules. Or, if you do break the rules, don’t let anyone catch you.

      The problem was, Maria never really understood the rules. She didn’t get why everyone cared about them so much. She just knew that if she acted like she did, most of the time she got what she wanted. If she studied long enough, she got an A. If she practiced hard enough, she won the game. If she worked hard to raise money for charity, her name moved up the ranks for the Kingsley Prize.

      And most of the rules were pretty simple. You didn’t kick puppies. You didn’t say mean things to little kids.

      You didn’t put things in people’s drinks.

      “I can’t do that.” Maria spoke each word slowly, carefully. “I can’t just drug someone.”

      “She’s drugging herself right now! If the test were tomorrow, the same thing would’ve happened, and you would’ve been fine with that.”

      Maria’s head was spinning. She didn’t know if it was the beer, or Lily’s words, or that strange, otherworldly humming in her ear.

      She wasn’t supposed to think this way.

      But what Lily was saying made sense. Too much sense to ignore.

      This might be the last chance she got. The only time she could beat Delilah.

      Lily was right. She always was.

      They weren’t doing anything to Delilah she wasn’t already doing to herself.