she couldn’t walk and had to use a wheelchair. However, after just three reflexology treatments, she was able to get out of her wheelchair and walk again. I was very impressed. Along with this clinical antenatal success, we made another startling discovery – those mothers who had received reflexology treatments delivered their babies in much shorter times. Some mothers were delivering in 5-6 hours, as opposed to the commonly observed 18-hour labours. One 46-year-old woman delivered within a few hours of being in labour, which made me realize that it’s not your chronological age that determines your birth experience, but your biological age. A toxic lifestyle – i.e. smoking, alcohol, junk food and a lack of exercise – can make the tissues of a woman in her twenties function rather poorly; conversely an older mum can function amazingly well physiologically if she commits to a healthy lifestyle with optimum nutrition and a physical fitness programme.
The Power of Touch
Have you noticed how nearly everyone you meet is compelled to touch your bump? People almost can’t help themselves. A baby bump is intrinsically soothing to the human psyche and even those who wouldn’t presume to kiss you in greeting, reach out their hands to share – for a fleeting moment – the joy of contact with an unborn child.
The power of touch is well documented. Our bodies surge with feel-good endorphins when we are stroked and caressed, boosting our immune systems, dulling our responses to pain and even contributing to a longer life. And the good news is this effect is enhanced yet further during pregnancy. Your increased blood volume not only contributes to a blooming complexion, strong nails and glossy hair, but also means the tiny blood vessels beneath your skin are positively tingling for touch.
Throughout this book, I will show you and your partner how to use touch in a myriad of ways – for example, to deepen self-hypnosis, bond with your baby and reduce your chances of a vaginal tear. A lot of the recommended treatments are technical procedures and require a qualified therapist but, where possible, I’ve adapted certain massage techniques so that you can do them at home. In some instances, you can do them on yourself, although it is best if your partner becomes involved in the treatments. I would like to think that most of you reading this book will share the advice on these pages and work together as a unit – as a family.
Even before birth, you can nurture your baby into a relaxed and loved little individual. Whenever your partner massages you, he is soothing his baby too. Remember, your baby receives physiological support from you on a continuous basis and also picks up on all your feelings. So, when you feel loved and supported by your partner, so does your baby, absorbing all your endorphins. In turn, special hormones that are released from the baby’s placenta prepare you for the birth process and motherhood. A ten-minute massage by your partner not only relaxes you but sends a wave of fresh, nourishing oxygen to the womb and placenta. It’s an intimate opportunity for you to snuggle up as a family and pass on thoughts of love and safety to your baby – what more powerful incentive can there be to make every day of your pregnancy as happy, stress-free and precious as possible?
So surrender to the treatments I list on these pages – they’re not cosmetic treatments, all have a direct physiological effect on your birthfitness: realigning your joints, super-boosting the detoxifying effects of the diet and moulding your muscles to become loose, pliable, soft and flexible for birth. Just as importantly – you’ll feel pampered in the process!
The Father’s Role
Did you know that as a father you are also expecting? If you thought the bump/cramps/pain bit was the mother’s domain, think again. OK, so you’re not going to grow a bump, you’re not going to be woken with leg cramps in the middle of the night and, no, you don’t need to go through labour – but pregnancy is not something that just happens to the mother for nine months. Having a baby is a shared adventure.
You don’t suddenly become a father when the baby finally emerges. You’re a father already. From the moment you see the little shape on the ultrasound monitor and see the smile on your partner’s face, you can start bonding with your baby. The comic view of the expectant father is of a desperate man driving around at 2am trying to find pickled onions to satisfy the mother’s cravings and desperately trying to put up shelves in the nursery as the male nesting instinct translates into frantic DIY. But your role in pregnancy doesn’t just have to be practical stuff and ‘doing’ things.
Your body may not be engaged in pregnancy, but your heart and mind can be. Your baby, growing inside your partner’s belly, already recognizes and loves your voice and your touch. And for your partner too, your role in the pregnancy is absolutely crucial. Feeling looked after and cared for is a powerful tool in the mother’s emotional preparation for birth – the more she learns to trust and rely on you for support, the more she will instinctively feel safe surrendering her body and freeing her mind from the mechanics of labour.
So when your partner asks you to read to her a visualization that involves imagining the inside of her pelvis, or to help her build up an emotional dreamscape for her ‘safe place’, be enthusiastic. Knowledge is understanding, is empathy, is sharing, is bonding – is family.
You may know every last curve of your partner’s body but by reading this book you can also learn about how she is growing your baby. Become an expert, a connoisseur of her body. Read its messages, anticipate its demands; love, nurture, cherish it – and in so doing, you love, nurture and cherish your baby. Whatever your relationship history up until this point, pregnancy is a new chapter that offers opportunities to be a better partner and the best father.
Father’s Tip: Belly bonding
It has been proven that a baby in the womb can distinguish its father’s touch from an unfamiliar hand on the mother’s tummy. So take every opportunity to stroke your partner’s belly, talk to your baby and play touch games (like ‘round and round the garden…’). You may feel silly doing this while your baby is still in the womb but your baby knows it’s you and it’s an invaluable opportunity to start bonding.
Touch Tips
Exchange gentle oil massages with your partner. These are instant body boosts that will calm and relax you. Add 2-3 drops of lavender oil to 20ml of base oil (for example, olive or sunflower oil) and take turns massaging each other’s feet for 10 minutes each evening. This helps relax the whole body and is a caring way to bond as you prepare for parenthood.
Share oil baths together and softly stroke your ‘baby bump’. This soothes and relaxes the baby, as well as nourishing your skin, keeping the skin elastic and supple, and preventing stretch marks.
Your Baby Keeps You Young
Your baby will help keep you young. In India, my grandmother always told me the age you are when you become a mother, is the age you stay. Of course, she meant emotionally, but there is some physical truth in it as well. Cosmetic companies have long been aware of the replenishing properties of placental hormones and growth factors, and use them in anti-ageing programmes and skin rejuvenation creams. Science has shown that the baby’s placenta produces growth factors that circulate into the mother’s bloodstream. Hence rejuvenation is a natural gift from the baby to the mother!
Overview of the Treatments
Reflexology
What is it?
Reflexology is a unique system of therapeutic foot massage that targets precise reflex points. It is based on the premise that the feet are mini maps of the body and every reflex area on the foot relates to a vital organ in the body. The philosophy behind the treatment is that life force, or prana, circulates in a balanced, rhythmic way throughout the body. If this energy is disrupted, say by an injury, then signals are transmitted down energy channels, within the body, to the feet. Here they manifest as thickenings, or tiny nodules that feel like grains of sand, in the reflex areas of the feet that correspond to the area of injury