the only choice I’ve got.’ She was doing the right thing in leaving Tom out of it. Only she did need him so desperately, especially now.
‘I’m going to see Samantha, before she’s taken away.’ Her voice broke, but this time she steadied herself. ‘I have to say my goodbyes. I have to see her one more time.’ She bowed her head. ‘There are things I need to say.’
‘I understand that, lass. And you do right to go and see her.’ Though he didn’t like the idea of her going on her own, not in her state. ‘If yer want somebody to come with yer, I’ll be on hand, lass.’
Kathy thanked him. ‘Rosie’s going with me, but thank you all the same, Jasper. It’s good of you to offer.’
She glanced towards the stairs. ‘There’s something you could do, if you don’t mind, that is?’
‘That’s what I’m here for, lass … to help wherever I can.’
‘Mother told me to get Samantha’s things ready, but I haven’t the heart to do it on my own.’
‘’Course not, lass. I’ll be glad to give a hand, whenever yer ready.’
Kathy was in no hurry. ‘Mother said she’d be back in an hour. We’ve time yet.’
When, an hour later to the minute, Irene and Richard returned, all of Samantha’s things were ready for collection.
Fighting back the tears, Kathy had gathered the more personal items, while Jasper had folded her clothes and put them in the small case.
Irene banged on the door in her usual impatient manner. When Kathy opened it, she barged through; on seeing Jasper she demanded to know what he was doing there. ‘I should have thought this was a time for reflection,’ she said, spying the two teacups, ‘instead of drinking tea and behaving as if nothing had happened!’
Up until now, Richard had kept his own counsel, but with Kathy looking so upset and Irene overstepping the mark, he stepped in to chide her. ‘Easy now, Irene. Everyone needs a friend at times like this.’ Allowing Jasper a friendly nod, he gave his wife a gentle pat on the shoulder. ‘I think we should leave now.’
Swinging round, she was about to give him a piece of her mind, when she remembered he was not the soft touch she had at first imagined him to be. He had only now reinstated her account because, being the good man he was, he thought she had suffered enough.
‘All right.’ Since he could take her account away any time he thought fit, she needed to keep him sweet, particularly now she no longer had her elder daughter as an ally. ‘You’re right. There’s nothing to be gained by getting myself upset all over again.’
Before they left she had a warning for Kathy. ‘I’ve spent the worst day of my life!’ she told her. ‘The police have given me little peace. I’m desperate to organise for your sister to be taken home, only they won’t release her, not yet.’ Her voice trembled. ‘As for you!’ She came forward threateningly. ‘You monster!’
When Kathy involuntarily took a step back, Jasper was there to hold her, his face set hard as he looked at her mother, and thinking how he was on the verge of showing her the door.
‘It should be you lying there, not Samantha! I know you plan to see her at rest, but I don’t want you anywhere near her! It’s all your fault that this has happened. You’re a wicked, selfish creature, and I wash my hands of you. As far as I’m concerned, I have no family now …’ She turned to smile weakly at her husband. ‘Only my darling Richard,’ she added disingenuously.
When again she turned to round on Kathy, Jasper stepped forward. ‘I would not normally interfere in family business,’ he said respectfully, ‘and I’m very sorry for your loss. But I think you should listen to your husband.’ He smiled sadly. ‘Best to leave now, I reckon.’
‘Really!’ After staring at him for what seemed an age, she stormed out, with Richard lingering to apologise to Kathy before he, too, was gone.
‘She can’t stop you from seeing yer sister, if that’s what you want, lass.’ Jasper had never before encountered such a horrid creature as Kathy’s mother.
The tirade of abuse had shaken Kathy but after a minute or two at the window, watching them depart, she quickly recovered. She felt stronger and more determined. ‘If they’ll let me, I will go and see her. I have to.’ Her mind was made up.
Later that afternoon, she and Rosie set off. ‘Are you sure you want to do this, me darling?’ Rosie was nervous for her. ‘Sure, it’ll not be a pleasant thing, you do realise that?’
‘She’s my sister.’
‘Ah, I know. I’ll be there with you, so I will.’
Just as Rosie promised, seeing Samantha like that was not a pleasant thing. In fact, it was the hardest thing Kathy had ever had to do in the whole of her life. With her father, the pain of losing him had been lessened by the fact that, for him, it was a merciful release. That was not the case with Samantha.
After being greeted at the desk, she was quickly taken downstairs; big green doors were swept open and she was led into a large, clinical-looking room. In the centre of the room was a trestle, and on the trestle was Samantha’s body, covered in a white cloth. ‘We’ve done our best,’ the policeman explained, ‘but you do realise she isn’t as you would see her in a chapel of rest.’ The man was a kindly soul, with the gentlest of smiles. The police had been concerned at first, wanting to establish how Samantha had come to fall in backwards: there was a nasty blow to the back of her head. But with no evidence of foul play, they were about to release her body.
Kathy nodded. With Rosie at her side, Kathy stepped forward; while Rosie turned her head, she watched him peel back the cloth. There, cold and still, was Samantha.
Catching a breath, Kathy fought back the tears. ‘Can I have a minute with her?’ she asked brokenly.
‘I understand.’ The policeman and Rosie stepped back, towards the far end of the room, from where they watched but could not hear. Only the soft murmurings of Kathy’s voice broke the silence.
Taking a moment to gaze down on that familiar face, Kathy wondered at her sister’s proud beauty. In all her life she had never seen Samantha look so calm and pure. Her head was discreetly covered with a fine, lace cloth, while her face was like cold, chiselled marble. ‘You’re very beautiful, Samantha,’ she whispered, ‘but you shouldn’t be here. You should be dancing and shopping, and wearing the fine clothes you love so much.’
For a minute she couldn’t go on. Unbearable emotion clogged her throat and the tears fell, regardlesss of her determination not to cry. ‘Forgive me,’ she murmured, ‘but I couldn’t let you take what you wanted. If that was wrong of me, then I’m sorry. I don’t know if I was right or wrong to refuse you, but oh –’ her voice broke; the tears blurred her vision – ‘if only I could turn back the clock, we might have come to some sort of compromise. I don’t know. I’ll never know.’
Reaching out, she touched her face, shocked by the coldness of her skin. ‘What went wrong between us? Why couldn’t we get it right?’
Raising her hand, she wiped away the blinding tears. ‘Rest now, Samantha,’ she whispered. ‘I only wish things could have been different …’
She looked at her sister’s quiet face for a moment longer, taking it in, preserving it in her memory. Leaning forward, she kissed her, shocked to realise that it was a long time since she had done that. ‘Goodbye, Samantha.’
When, a few minutes later, she and Rosie emerged from that formidable building, Kathy needed a moment to lean against the wall, her face ashen, her whole body trembling.
In this moment of harsh reality, she needed Tom more than ever.