so, I totally approve,’ he said. ‘But I’ll need to have a snack before we …’
She laughed with relief. ‘No, dinner is in the oven.’ She untangled herself from his arms. ‘Wine?’
If he was disappointed that there’d be no naked starter he didn’t show it. That was the thing about Richard. He took everything in his stride. Their evening was as relaxed as usual, until they finished their meal.
‘I was wondering about something,’ she said.
Richard’s expression turned serious. She nearly chickened out then and asked if he wanted to watch a film instead of what she really wanted to know.
‘Have you lured me into some kind of relationship?’ she asked. Yes, a joke. That was good. It didn’t sound so threatening.
Her heart hammered as she twirled her wine glass by the stem, trying to look like she didn’t care too much about the answer.
‘You may have lured me,’ he said. ‘But I think we are. Aren’t we?’
Relief flooded through her. ‘I think so too. I just wondered because we didn’t start out in the usual way.’
‘What’s the usual way?’
‘You know. Dates and romance and all that.’
He laughed. ‘That’s never really been my thing.’
‘Nor mine. Relaxed and casual is much better.’
It was the first little lie of many.
So, relaxed and casual was how their relationship progressed until graduation. Neither asked the other to join holidays or family visits. They just rubbed along together, with Richard in her life but not part of it. She told him that was fine. Usually she believed it herself.
Besides, she wasn’t anxious to have her heart handed to her in pieces again. She did love Richard and she thought he probably loved her. It was enough to be best friends with her boyfriend. It was fun, relaxed and, above all, safe.
But soon their diplomas would be in hand. Decisions had to be made. Coming from England’s commuter belt, Catherine grew up dreaming of a career in London. Richard preferred Manchester and started applying for jobs there.
They were about to be geographically unsuitable and she didn’t fancy a long-distance relationship. But she didn’t want to call quits on it either. So she quietly applied for positions in Manchester too. When she got an offer before Richard, it looked a bit like he was following her. She liked that.
But when he was offered the job in the US a few years later, there was no way for Catherine to move there and make it look like an accident.
Rachel inspected James’s office from the doorway. How did he get any work done in such a tip? It looked like an overfull recycling bag had exploded on the floor. Magazines, hardback books and plans were piled everywhere, weighed down with coffee-stained mugs. He didn’t even bother putting his files on the shelves the right way around – they were shoved in there on their sides.
Scientists could grow disease cultures on his desk.
She felt her lips pinching with disapproval. It was a signature move inherited from her mum. Ordered space, ordered mind; that was her motto. Rachel had inherited that too.
He was hunched over, sketching furiously. She could see the red pen in his hand. That meant he was working on interior walls. He was as obsessive about his colour-coded pens as they all were.
‘James? Want to try the new sushi place with me?’
Light and breezy, that’s what she was aiming for. No ulterior motives here.
He glanced up from his tracing paper. ‘Thanks, I would but I’m kind of busy right now.’
‘Come on. I’d rather eat in and you know I hate sitting by myself.’
He didn’t look up again. ‘Why don’t you ask Alison or Beth?’
Creeping across the litter-strewn floor, Rachel hovered over his shoulder. The sketch was good. ‘I’ll buy.’
He threw himself over the paper like she was trying to copy his exam answers. ‘Could you get me takeaway if you’re going? You know what I like.’
‘Come with me.’
His head snapped up. ‘What’s up, Rachel?’
Damn.
‘Nothing’s up. Can’t a friend buy another friend lunch?’
He sighed, putting the cap on his Sharpie. ‘How long have we known each other?’
‘Around five years, I think.’
Five years in January, actually, plus extra credit time for the year they went out.
‘And after that long don’t you think I can tell when you’re up to something?’
‘You’re no fun to try to manipulate, do you know that?’
She pushed the rolls of tracing paper off his extra chair so she could sit. She’d hoped to do this over maki rolls.
‘James.’
‘Yes, Rachel.’
She didn’t expect him to make it easy for her. ‘Do you feel like you’re getting everything you want, romantically, from your life? Because I don’t.’
She felt too wooden, rehearsed, but she had to push on.
‘I keep going out with these guys I meet, and they keep disappointing me. If they don’t just want sex then they’re too clingy. If they’re not too clingy they’re emotionally unavailable. If not that then they have a girlfriend already. I’m so sick of it all.’
He nodded. ‘Uh huh, I see. Just so I know, Rach, are you just telling me about your dates or is there a question in here somewhere?’
‘There’s a question.’
‘Then can we please …’ He made a winding-up motion with his finger. ‘Make this as painless as possible?’
‘You don’t want any background at all?’
‘Well, you’ve already told me about the bloke who wanted to wee on you.’ He pulled a face.
Rachel sighed. ‘Exactly my point. I can’t keep meeting random guys in pubs. I need a more structured approach if I’m going to meet anyone worthwhile. I’m joining Catherine’s website.’
‘Fine, good for you.’
‘You know, James, this is exactly why we broke up!’
‘Why, Rachel? What do you want me to say? That I’m thrilled you’re joining a website to meet guys? Maybe I don’t really want to listen to you talk about the shitty men in your life.’
‘No! Because you’re totally dismissive. Not to mention that you’re an absolute pig,’ she added, looking again around the office. ‘I’m asking for your help.’
‘Calling me a pig isn’t really making me warm to your request, you know.’
She shrugged. ‘I had other words in mind, so I was actually being kind.’
He smiled. ‘Tell me what you need, Rach.’
Her tummy churned at the way he said this. It was easier being his friend when he wasn’t being tender.
‘I can’t join unless I bring an ex with me. It’s really simple. We sign up and