why; it just was.
‘The doctor said she’ll not know a thing about it,’ Sam said. ‘It’ll not matter to her where she is.’
Maria’s intake of breath was audible. ‘You’ve had the doctor,’ she said almost accusingly. ‘Behind my back.’
‘We wanted to know the facts,’ Sam said.
‘And they are?’ Maria demanded icily.
‘The doctor thinks we’re doing her a disservice keeping her here,’ Sam said. ‘He’s making enquiries at the hospital.’
‘And I can’t have her in the shop any more,’ Bella put in. ‘Really I can’t. It isn’t fair on anyone. She often won’t stay in the back like she used to and wanders about the place, picking things up. It puts the customers off, and Maggie is scared stiff of her now.’ She stood up and put a hand on Maria’s shoulder. ‘I’m sorry, cutie dear. Heartsore for you.’
Maria’s head was reeling and inside she felt wretched. She knew the decisions had been made, and she bent her head, despairing and let the tears flow unchecked.
Bella looked uncertain and Sam distressed, but Barney moved to Maria’s side immediately. He signed for Bella to go as he took Maria in his arms. She clung to him, feeling the roughness of his jacket, which smelt of tobacco, against her cheek, and the strong muscled arms holding her, as if he could protect her against anything.
Dr Shearer was wrong: Sarah might not have been aware where the ambulance men were taking her, but she knew well enough that she didn’t want to go. Maria had tried to talk to her, make her understand, but vacant eyes stared back at her and she didn’t know how much had gone in.
She’d taken the morning off that day in mid-October to be there with her mother, and Barney was there too, feeling Maria might need support, though he was longing for his bed. He’d not finished unloading the stuff till half-one. Then at two, Seamus had organised a card shop. Many of the sailors had got paid and the McPhearsons knew they could lift the money from their pockets just as if they’d put their hands in.
The game had gone on till six and then the brothers had had to bring the stuff back to this side and unload it. He’d drank whiskey as if it was water during the games of poker, and now, two and a half hours later, Barney felt decidedly the worse for wear. His bleary eyes had bags underneath them. Maria didn’t see how he looked straight away. She was just glad he was there and more than glad he was able to restrain Sarah, who attacked both the ambulance men, drawing blood from one one as her nails raked his cheek.
She began to scream as they strapped her onto the stretcher, blood-curdling screams that Maria thought could maybe be heard in Derry. They certainly brought people out to stand in the doorways, to see which poor soul was being murdered.
Sarah stopped screaming long enough to gaze slowly around the room, her eyes lighting on everything in turn, as if she was saying goodbye. Then she stared across at Sam and he gazed back at her with shame-filled eyes. Then she turned to Maria, tears trickling down her cheeks, and the look she cast them both was filled with hate. Maria staggered under the weight of bitterness behind her mother’s eyes, as if she’d suffered a blow. Again it was Barney’s arms around her shoulders that comforted her and pressed her to him. Then the screams began again as the ambulance men lifted the stretcher.
The Square was full of people. Maria was mortified by it all, and though most people’s eyes were sympathetic, it hardly helped. The only thing that helped really was Barney’s arm. Then, as most of the people dispersed to their homes when the ambulance was out of sight, Bella and Dora came over and some of the customers from the shop followed them.
‘You’re not to blame yourself, Maria,’ one of the women said. ‘You did your level best.’
‘Aye, nothing to reproach yourself for,’ another put in. ‘Daughter in a million.’
These were the very women vociferous in their condemnation of Maria even considering a new life for herself in Dublin, yet now they seemed all of a sudden on her side.
She hadn’t time for them, couldn’t even bring herself to acknowledge their words, and Barney, feeling the raw emotions running through Maria, said quietly to Dora, ‘Will you go in to Sam? He’s bound to feel it. I’m taking Maria out of this. We’ll go for a walk.’
‘You do right,’ Dora said, just as quietly. ‘She looks done in, poor girl, and she’s as white as a sheet.’
Still with his arms protectively around Maria, Barney passed through the knot of remaining people and strode up the road towards Greencastle. Once the town was behind, however, he turned inland and didn’t stop until they came to a little hilltop with a grass-covered knoll at the top, above a swift stream surging down the hillside across its rocky bed on its way to join Lough Foyle.
‘This was always one of my favourite places,’ Barney said, and they sat down together.
Maria said nothing. At least, he thought, she had stopped crying and he withdrew his hanky and mopped her face and then kissed her eyes.
Maria gasped. That action reminded her of Greg. Stop thinking about Greg, she admonished herself. He belonged to another life now, he was someone else’s husband, some wee child’s father and lost to her for ever. This is the here and now, with Barney beside her.
And a very careworn, exhausted Barney, she noticed for the first time. ‘You look…you look…‘
‘Awful, I know.’
‘I was going to say tired.’
‘Aye,’ Barney said, and added, ‘I worked all night so I could be with you today.’
‘Ah, Barney!’
The words, spoken so lovingly, sent the heat coursing through Barney. He felt himself harden. ‘Maria,’ he said, ‘I think I love you.’
He kissed her then with all the passion in him. When he pressed her lips open gently and let his tongue dart in and out of her mouth, she resisted at first. Then she relaxed and gave herself up to the pleasure of it, and moaned softly.
Barney smiled to himself. He’d had many sexual encounters and was a skilled lover. He began to kiss her again. Her senses reeled and she tried to press him closer, but Barney was busy unbuttoning her cardigan and then her blouse. Maria hadn’t taken the time to bring her coat for the day was mild.
Maria wondered why she wasn’t protesting, but it was as if she hadn’t the energy. She felt incredibly sad still and terribly guilty. There was no room left in her to feel shame at what she was allowing Barney to do to her. She wanted to forget the events of that morning, even for the briefest of time. She wanted, oh, how she wanted, someone to bring her gratification for a change and Barney was doing an excellent job. She had no desire to ask him to stop.
Barney couldn’t believe he had got so far. Every minute he had expected his hands to be slapped down, but Maria sat before him in her brassiere and when he gently pushed her onto the grass, lay on top of her, and covered her mouth with his, she returned his kisses passionately.
Maria felt as if she was floating in bliss. She closed her eyes as Barney kissed her neck and throat and then he slipped the straps from Maria’s shoulders, pulled the brassiere down to her waist and saw the ripe juiciness of Maria’s breasts before his eyes.
When he began to lick her nipple gently, then suck at it greedily, Maria moaned in ecstasy and felt desire stabbing at her, demanding to be satisfied. ‘Oh, Barney…Oh God…‘
‘Maria, you are beautiful, wondrous,’ Barney cried huskily, his breath coming in short pants. ‘I love every inch of you.’
He knew he could take her if he wished and presumed all the emotion over the last few days, culminating in that awful scene that morning, had drained Maria. She definitely needed him, and wanted him as she never had before. If he was to make love to her, she’d be his. She was ripe for it now, like she might never ever be again. ‘You know I’d never hurt you,