for a second her upward gaze comes to a rest on the visitors’ gallery, overlooking the courtroom. Patrick suspects she has probably recognised someone, one of their friends or a member of his family. Thoughts collected Rebecca turns back to the prosecutor and says:
— Freddie
— Frederick Legge?
Rebecca shrugs her lambswooled shoulders:
— Yes
— And what did he want?
— Nothing important
The prosecutor refers to his piece of paper again:
— You told him to … ‘fuck off’, is that right?
Shrugging, again; again clearly embarrassed Rebecca nods, says:
— Yes
— You chatted for a few seconds and then you made it clear you didn’t want to speak to him and you put the phone down, correct?
— … Yes
— But – The prosecutor looks at the defence barrister and pauses and then says – I’m sure the defence counsel would raise this but for my own purposes could you tell me … why? Surely when Mister Legge rang this was an ideal opportunity to let someone know you were being harassed?
Another shrug from Rebecca. For the first time Patrick leans forward with keen, optimistic interest. Clearing her throat, Rebecca:
— At the time … I thought I could handle it all myself. I’d seen Patrick drunk like this before and I thought it was just another … time like that – In her dress, and her cardigan, she shifts girlishly from foot to foot; then – I had absolutely no idea that straight after that he would do what he did
— I see. Thank you … – With a flurry of black gown the prosecutor makes a moving-on expression. He says – As soon as you’d put the phone down the defendant came around the table and began trying to kiss you, correct?
— Yes
— Did you struggle?
— Yes – Rebecca looks at the wall as her face pales – But he was too strong. Too big …
— Was he touching you?
— Yes
— How?
— He had one hand on my throat and … one hand down my top. On my breast
— Yes?
— He’d undone the zip of my top and he was groping my breast
— Yes, of course. Was it this top? – With his left hand, the prosecutor has magicked a zip-up top from somewhere, some bag on his desk. Intent, concerned, Patrick watches as Rebecca watches the top being flagged at her. She looks surprised and shocked to see it. Finally Rebecca says:
— Yes
The judge:
— Miss Jessel?
Rebecca’s voice is trembly:
— Sorry. Yes. Yes it was that top. That’s what I was wearing – Rebecca allows herself a big long breath. While the lawyer re-bags the top Patrick finds his sympathy going unwontedly out once more as Rebecca breathes and breathes deep, fighting back obvious emotion. Rebecca Jessel gazes into the middle distance as she begins to describe: how Patrick put his hand down her jeans. How Patrick groped her breast. How she tried to stop him but he was too strong for her. How he nuzzled her breasts as she yelled. How he picked her off the chair and dragged her like a puppet over the floor and pushed her down on her back and
— And you were screaming during this?
— Yes
— And this was the point where he unzipped himself?
— Yes
— Were you … totally naked by this time?
— Yes
— What had happened to your jeans?
— I
— Had he taken them off, too?
— YYess … I think so
— How?
— I don’t quite know, I …
— You’re not sure how he stripped you?
— No … he’d somehow managed – Rebecca shivers visibly, she grips the side of the witness stand; Patrick can see her knuckles going white; for some reason he wonders if she still bites her nails as then Rebecca blurts – It was all a blur but he’d managed to get my jeans off and I …
In the stand Rebecca seems to shudder, she rocks back on her feet and looks imploringly at the judge.
The judge:
— Take your time, Miss Jessel
With a nod Rebecca gulps and asks for a glass of water. The court gathers itself close, takes a collective breath, as Rebecca turns and accepts a glass from the policewoman behind her. The moments pass as Rebecca delicately sips, then puts the glass down. Now Rebecca licks her newly-red lips as she looks across the silent courtroom and says:
— He forced me onto my back and held my arms above my head and then he got his penis out
— Did he have an erection?
— Yes. He was hard
— What happened then?
— He used his other hand to part my thighs
— And then?
— He held his penis in his hand … I think … and he
Patrick looks at the middle-aged juror; she has stopped sucking her sweet and her jaw is hanging open as Rebecca says:
— He put his penis inside me and began …
— Began … Miss Jessel?
Clock-tick. Patrick’s heart. Rebecca’s voice:
— He began to rape me …
— What then?
— Then he started saying things
— What did he say?
— That I was …
— Yes
— That I was a bitch … a slut … his little slut …
— Anything else?
— He said … he said he loved my dirty little … – The court waits – cunt
— Anything else?
Rebecca inhales, then she says, slowly, deliberately:
— He said he was going to fuck me in my dirty … cunt and that he was going to fuck me in my little arsehole even if I didn’t like it and – She closes her eyes and visibly trembles as she recounts – He said he was going to … come in my face … and that I was … until I was … that I was nothing … He said I was a slut, a bitch, a sadistic bitch
She stalls. Rebecca stands back from the side of the witness box and she pauses and then she drinks some more water from the glass. The prosecutor looks at the jury, at the judge, and then at Rebecca and says:
— How long did this go on for?
Glass down, chin up, lips wet:
— Don’t know … maybe five minutes … maybe ten
— And you were frightened?
Rebecca looks at the prosecutor like he has said the most stupid thing in the world. Rebecca Jessel:
— I was totally petrified
— And all the time you’d been asking … begging him to stop?
—