to marry him and she had said yes. Disbelievingly almost, she said, ‘Thanks, Drew, I will.’ Said it nonchalantly, as if she had proposals of marriage every day of the week, and had got rather blasé about them.
She was always doing that; hiding her feelings for fear of being hurt. Because she had been hurt. If worlds could end, then hers would have ended the morning Drew phoned Daisy to tell her he and Kitty were engaged; had met up on a Liverpool dockside and wham! The two of them had spent the night at Kitty’s theatrical digs and the next morning Lyndis Carmichael smiled brilliantly into the phone, wished them both all the very best, then wept as if her heart would never be whole again – nor had it been, until tonight.
So why was she wide awake and tossing and turning? Why could she not believe that what she had longed for since the first time she and Drew met had happened? Why had she said – albeit jokingly – that she couldn’t wait to see him in the morning, ask him if he really wanted to marry her?
‘You’re a fool, Lyn,’ she whispered to the moon. Of course he wanted to marry her. A Sutton didn’t go back on his word, Daisy said. Yet she was afraid, still, and she knew it was because she would always be second best; second choice. Drew would never forget Kitty. He’d said so. Kitty would always be there because she had been one of the Clan – that bloody precious Clan she’d always envied because she could never be a part of it.
Mind, Gracie had never been part of the Clan and it had worried her not one jot. Pretty, happily married Grace Sutton who expected her second child at Christmas. Lyn liked Sebastian Sutton’s wife, just as she liked Tatty. Born to a Russian countess, Tatiana Sutton was as English as London Bridge. No one would know she was half-Russian, spoke correct Russian fluently, and conversed with the sombre Karl in his native Georgian, too. Tatty had taught Kitty to swear in Russian and in return Kitty taught Tatty to spit like a stable lad. Maybe Gracie’s baby would be born on Tatty and Bill’s wedding day. A cosy, family wedding in the little Lady Chapel it was to be and no white dress nor virginal veil Tatty stressed because she and Tim – her first passionate love – had been lovers from the start. Like Drew and Kitty, she supposed, because air-gunner Tim had been killed, too.
So why wasn’t Tatiana making a big production of her wedding to Bill and why did Bill Benson seem to happily accept the way things were – that the woman he would marry at Christmas had loved before; just as Drew had loved before – Drew’s mother, too.
‘Oh, dammit!’ She flicked on the bedside light, padded across the room to draw the curtains, checked that the alarm at her bedside was set for five in the morning, then whispered, ‘Goodnight, Drew. And it will be all right, my darling, I promise it will.’
She loved him – enough for both of them – and one day he would tell her he loved her too.
She closed her eyes and began to count each solemn second as it ticked away on the clock beside her, but it did nothing to help her fall asleep.
They waited on the platform at Holdenby Halt. Drew looked at his watch then said, ‘Any time now you’ll hear the train. The driver always gives a hoot just before the bend – a little past Brattocks. Then soon it’ll arrive, and you know what, Lyn? This station hasn’t changed one iota since ever I can remember.’
‘You don’t have to come to York with me. I’m quite capable of getting myself onto the Manchester train.’
‘Of course you are, but mightn’t it just occur to you that maybe I want to. For one thing, it’ll give us an extra hour together and for another, I want us to talk – plans, dates and all that. There’s always an empty compartment on this early train, so we can natter all the way to York. Have you had any thoughts on the matter, Lyn?’
‘Nope. All I could think about last night was had it really happened and when the heck I was going to get to sleep!’
‘You, too? Mind, it did happen quite suddenly. Takes a bit of getting used to. No second thoughts?’
‘No, Drew.’ Oh, liar Lyndis Carmichael! ‘Had you?’
‘Plenty, but no doubts. Wondered why we hadn’t got around to it before, as a matter of fact, and then I thought you might have decided that you didn’t want to be Lady Sutton, after all.’
‘Oh, my Lor’, Drew, Lady Sutton. I hadn’t thought …’
‘Comes with the job, I’m afraid. You’ll get used to it.’
‘Y-yes …’ The little train – the Holdenby Flyer, may God bless it, Lyn thought fervently – saved her the embarrassment of a reply. ‘It’s coming,’ she said. ‘Right on time.’
‘Usually is,’ Drew smiled, picking up her case, scanning the carriages as they slipped slowly past, pleased at the number of empty compartments. ‘The front of the train.’ He took her hand. ‘Plenty of room there.’
He helped her aboard then slammed the door firmly shut, pulling up the window.
‘There now, let me check. All present and correct. One case, one grip and one fiancée.’ Satisfied, he sat beside her, pulling her arm through his, smiling down at her.
‘That was nice, Drew.’ Lyn’s cheeks pinked. ‘You calling me your fiancée, I mean.’
‘Well, you are, aren’t you?’ he grinned. ‘Unless of course you’ve changed your mind.’
‘I am, and I haven’t. So let’s talk plans,’ she smiled tremulously as the whistle blew and the train jerked to a start. ‘Whatever you want is fine with me.’
‘Right! We’ll have the banns read starting next Sunday, then we’ll get married about the middle of October – that suit you?’
‘Just fine. But it wouldn’t suit Daisy nor her mother and it certainly wouldn’t suit your mother! White weddings take a lot of planning, don’t forget. Besides, I’ll have to give my parents in Kenya fair warning and plenty of time to get themselves organized and over here. And Daisy is insisting on a summer wedding. Bas and Gracie should be over by then and wanting their new baby christened. Your sister has got it all worked out. We had quite a long session last night.’
‘And?’ Drew quirked an eyebrow.
‘Well, I’m to ask Gracie to be one of the bridesmaids and if Tatty isn’t pregnant, she says, I ought to ask her – to wear the other dress, I mean. And I shall wear Daisy’s wedding dress. She offered and I couldn’t say no – it’s so beautiful. That was as far as we got, I’m afraid.’
‘Might Tatty be pregnant?’
‘No, of course not. But they do want a family so there’d be no point in waiting I was given to understand.’
‘And what else did Daiz come up with? Did she – er – mention how many children you and I will have?’
‘She didn’t get around to it, actually. Nor did I.’
‘But you want children, Lyn? I mean – everything seemed to happen so suddenly. You said you did after the christening but …’
‘Don’t worry, Drew Sutton. I want children, too. As many as the Good Lord thinks fit to send us. You and I were only-children. I’d like it if we had a couple, at least. Three would be nice.’
‘Be happy to oblige,’ he laughed, then all at once serious he cupped her face in his hands, saying softly, ‘You are sure, Lyn?’
‘I’m sure, Drew, but had you realized that not since you called for me at Foxgloves have I had so much as a kiss. Almost half an hour ago, that was!’
‘Again – happy to oblige.’
He tilted her chin and kissed her. Not with passion but with tenderness, Lyn thought; a reassuring, comforting, it’ll-be-all-right kiss and for the time being the niggling doubts left her.
‘I’ll call at Denniston when I get back – tell them about us. Bas and Gracie are leaving for Rochdale