So I Have Thought of You: The Letters of Penelope Fitzgerald. Penelope Fitzgerald

and looked at so often in the early morning.

      I also wanted to ask how dear P. was getting on, and whether Jemima still approved of the place wh: is privileged to look after her. But I never said anything about any of these things, nor do I expect you to answer them, but perhaps some time, at Christmas or after Christmas.

      Willie gave me such a beautiful picture of you (she tore it out of her album) taken when we went up to Yorkshire – you were younger than Jemima is now, but Thomas thought it was Jemima, and the expression is exactly the same – serious, but immensely hopeful –

      so much love to you all

      Ma

      

      [1990]

      [incomplete]

      

      …hasn’t sold any of the tickets at all, which is scarcely surprising considering he’s charging £37.50 for them. He says there are lavish refreshments, but who wants to go and eat lavish refreshments at Channings. Meanwhile I’m bracing myself up to tell Jeannie I’ll do some weeding (I’m never allowed to spray) as I’d much rather do that than go and sit in a hide on the reservoir waiting for spoonbills. When they were working they never used to do anything on their days off because they were so tired, and I think that that really suited me better.

      I’ve been listening to a sermon on the radio about preparation for dying, wh: he called the Last and Most Dreadful Journey of All, this is true of course but I do find it more than a bit depressing. Afterwards there was a Handel concerto, such a relief as he sounded as if he hadn’t a worry in the world, though I believe he had plenty.

      Kindly letter from Nan Talese at Doubleday saying that they are not doing too badly with the Gate of A. in spite of total ruin in the publishing industry and she would like to make arrangements about the next novel but alas there is no next novel.

      It was a treat for me to see Paschal’s school. I did not stare at him as that would not have done, but sitting at the other table I could see what he was doing and he worked so well and industriously and was enjoying it so much and enjoying doing it right, as of course children of that age do. It was quite hard work for them I thought but I suppose there are more recreations after lunch – much love to all Ma

      

      [postcard]

      [1990]

      Please let me prune the rose again this spring. Fertiliser also needed of course although honeysuckles never seem to need anything.

       27a Bishop’s Road

       London, N6 4HP

      Wednesday [c.1990/91]

      Dearest Tina –

      I love Hope Cottage, the green, the elms, the rooks, the view, the new cooker and everything about it, and had a wonderful 2 days and it was such a treat to be collected from Sheepwash,^* and to have Luke show me round Castle Drogo. How amazing he is Tina. I’d give so much to know what is in store for him. You and Terry were so patient during the difficult time^* and as a result he’s growing up with all his self-confidence intact and the move has done him no harm, quite the contrary.

      You said to me ‘Paschal will talk’^** and of course he will, I never doubted it, but the way you said it was very heartening, and I daresay when Jemima starts to talk they will understand each other better than anybody. P. manages very well considering his intelligence is so very much all there but doesn’t get the supplies (yet) that other children do and he has to rely to a great extent on his own inner world.

      The escalator up to the Archway Road is back! Smiling operative says You better ride up and down on it, lady, before they shut it again – but I can only hope it lasts till you all come. – John has taken a day off to mend large numbers of things including my bath taps, which suddenly wouldn’t turn off. – I thought your plans were all admirable – the lean-to in particular, though I suppose the kittens will all move in – ‘all’ if they increase, as they might do at any moment since you say you can’t tell their age. – Please don’t think I was criticising the Great Hamper, I can assure you I didn’t mean to. Dressing-up things are of vital importance and last their whole childhood and the Hamper is just what you needed. New York Times rings up again to say they are putting in ‘a few sentences’ about Van Gogh (wh: they pronounce Van Go’: is that right?) and Cézanne as these are the only artists the readers have heard of, it seems. Article ruined in consequence but no matter.

      Valpy rings up to say Red Cross and U.N.O. are sending him to Cambodia for a month, the President of Cambodia read some of his articles and asked him to advise, I can’t help worrying as Khmer Rouge invasion in full swing and shall be so glad when he’s back, poor old Angie must feel rather desperate. No post in and out of Cambodia. I rang up Rawle to ask him how dangerous it was and Rawle himself I’m afraid is very poorly as his back is so painful he can hardly walk, doc has taken x-rays – I know it’s really bad as Helen came onto the line stammering frightfully. – But oh what a nice time I had at Milton Abbot. – I hope Terry had a good journey back, at least – wind seems to have dropped – much love Ma