his eye to the corner of his mouth. The skin was raised in two parallel lines. This was the face she loved. This was the face she tried to forget. The memories of the night he got the scar flooded back, the blood-soaked sheets: the way his presence had filled her bedroom. He had stepped between two gang members to prevent an attack and had been wounded in the process.
She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat.
“I cant…I just can’t…” Her knees threatened to buckle. It was too much.
Beth turned and ran.
Beth pulled in behind her sister’s pickup truck. She stared down at her clenched hands on the steering wheel. The full moon provided enough light for her to watch the color drain from her fingers. She needed to get it together, change gears, go inside and be a mommy again. Her life was complicated, but it was compartmentalized, that is the only way it worked. When she was at work she was one person, when she got home, she was another. Those were her rules. Everyone followed them, except Torres. He crossed every line. There was nothing neat or ordered when Torres was around. There was no divide between work and home life; he filled both worlds completely.
He couldn’t be back. Not now.
It was time for some sugar therapy. Beth reached into her glove box and found her emergency supply of M&Ms. A more adjusted person would talk her feelings through with Adam Frazer, the department psychologist, but Beth was past pretending, M&Ms were as adjusted as she got.
She popped a green candy into her mouth and sucked on the hard shell until it dissolved. She took a deep breath and allowed the sweet to work its magic. When the chocolate had completely dissolved, she popped another, and then another. Slowly the knot in her stomach loosened.
Thirteen pieces later, she was ready to face the world again.
“Hey, I’m home,” Beth called when she opened her front door.
“Mama!” Alejandra squealed. She ran to Beth and jumped into her arms. She was still wearing the blue plaid pinafore that was her school uniform but the neat braids she had this morning had given way to a mass of tangled ringlets. Combing that out wasn’t going to be fun for either of them.
“Oh Pretty Girl. Am I glad to see you.” Beth gathered her in close and breathed in the clean scent of her hair.
“Mama, can I show you the picture I painted? I made you a princess butterfly. Do you wanna see?”
She sat her down. “Of course I want to see your picture but tell me about your day first.” Beth spent a lot of time worrying about Alejandra, but she didn’t need to. Ally took most things in her stride. Beth often worried if the trauma of her early childhood would impact her but so far there was no sign that it had, probably because Alejandra had only been a year old when her parents had been murdered. She had no recollection of them, which was a blessing but on some small level it also made Beth feel guilty. She loved her child as if she had given birth to her, but she hadn’t. Another woman had carried her and loved her. Beth was sad for her, Alejandra’s first mother. She just hoped that if her first mom could know how well Alejandra was loved, she would be all right with the way things turned out.
Alejandra ran to her room and returned seconds later with a painting, complete with bold strokes of pink and orange, her favorite colors. “Do you like it, Mama?” Her wide eyes were bright with anticipation.
Beth admired the picture. “I love it. But now I need to decide which painting I should take off the refrigerator to make room for this one.” Their house was filled with Alejandra’s paintings. They were stuck to every flat surface. Her sister called the decorating practice “Preschool Chic”.
“No, Mama. It’s for your office so you can remember me now that I’m at big school.”
Beth leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “This will look perfect on my desk but you know, Pretty Girl, I never forget you.”
Alejandra smiled, clearly pleased with that response.
“Where is your Auntie Paige?”
“I’m in here,” Paige called from the kitchen. “I am cutting the cake. You have had dinner, right? Ally had pesto chicken and carrots.” Her sister appeared carrying two plates with wedges of cake big enough to be doorstops. Her sister was still dressed in surgical scrubs with the name of her practice embroidered on the top.
“That is far too big. Alejandra can have a quarter of that,” Beth said.
Paige smiled. “That is your piece.”
“Well in that case.”
Beth sunk her fork into the layers of sponge and whipped buttercream frosting. She relaxed as the sugar high took hold. “Mmm I needed this.” The M&Ms had only whetted her appetite.
“I bet you do. What happened today? You had a longer day than me.”
Beth put down her fork. She glanced and Alejandra and then back at her sister.
“I am working on a big case.” That much wasn’t a lie. She was always working on a big case. In her line of work she had to keep lots of secrets and she was fine with that, but she hated outright lying.
“You going to catch the bad guy, Mama?” Alejandra piped up.
Beth wiped a streak of frosting off her little girl’s face. “I always do.”
The doorbell rang.
Beth looked up. She wasn’t expecting anyone. “Alejandra, finish your cake and then go brush your teeth. It’s late and you have school tomorrow.” In her mind, Beth started listing all the chores she needed to get done before sunrise. She already knew 6am would come too soon.
Beth opened the front door.
Her breath caught in her throat when she saw him.
“Stop opening your door without asking who it is,” Torres scowled. He was wearing the same clothes but his hair wasn’t tied back any more, it fell loose around his shoulders. She fought the urge to touch it. She never knew him to have more than a shadow of hair.
“Lucky for you I didn’t ask because I’m not sure I would have answered.” She hadn’t yet adjusted to the changes in his appearance. She wondered how long it would throw her to see him with hair. She had once thought that his menacing appearance was due in large part to his shaved head but his thick dark hair did nothing to soften him.
“Who is it?” Paige called.
Beth froze. “You shouldn’t be here,” she whispered. “It’s not safe.”
“I’m dead, remember? Nobody is looking for me.” Torres still stood in her doorway. He was too big for her small house, his presence too much. He had only been to her house once, four years ago, before they had become lovers. It felt different know, he was a stranger, a stranger that knew her intimately.
“Beth?” Paige called again.
“Just a minute.” She turned again to Torres. “My sister is here. She lives here now. Not in my house but in Texas.” So much had happened since he left, details he knew nothing about, some small and some life changing. She felt protective over both; they were her details from a life she had created without him.
“Tell her I’m a friend.”
His words hit her hard, internally knocking her off balance. Beth took a breath to steady herself. “We’re not though are we?”
A look of pain flashed across his dark features. Beth couldn’t be sure if she had really seen it because it was gone in an instant.
“Tell her we work together then.”
Bitterness pierced her heart. “I’d rather not have to tell her anything. You were supposed to meet her the night you left. Remember that? I wouldn’t have to tell her