his technique in writing dialogue, by which fragmented, interjectory, often apparently irrelevant, but, in fact, casually meaningful conversations carry along much of the plot, avoiding the need for description.
The Comma Weight Reduction Plan
Piling on commas is as easy as putting on calories; in both cases the problem is getting rid of them. And if we do decide to slim, let’s not go over the top. Here’s an exercise in comma reduction, starting with a simple sentence that’s gained a little too much weight:
| A | My hobby, trainspotting, is, to many, a joke. |
| B | My hobby, trainspotting, is to many, a joke. |
| C | My hobby, trainspotting, is to many a joke. |
| D | My hobby trainspotting, is to many a joke. |
| E | My hobby trainspotting is to many a joke. |
Pedants might claim that all five sentences differ in nuances of meaning, but to the average reader they all mean the same thing. So we are left with choosing which one is fit and lean enough to express our thought clearly, economically and elegantly. Which version would you choose? (our choice would be C, but it is our personal preference and not one we would wish to impose on others.)
The ability to recognise where commas are needed and where they are not may be an acquired skill but it is worth pursuing. Merely scanning a sentence will usually tell you. The writer of the following sentence was either afraid of commas or intent on speed of delivery:
The land is I believe owned by the City Council.
Most of us would place commas before and after the phrase I believe because it is an important qualifier; it needs to be highlighted from the main statement, The land is … owned by the City Council which, without the qualification, may or may not be true:
The land is, I believe, owned by the City Council.
A more serious lapse occurs when the lack of commas leads to ambiguity. A well-known illustration of this involves the fate of a young warrior in Ancient Greece who, on the eve of departing for a war, consults the Oracle at Delphi. Thou shalt go thou shalt return never by war shalt thou perish, he was told breathlessly. Mentally placing the commas after go and return, the warrior leapt on his chariot with brimming confidence. Unfortunately he was killed in the first battle without realising that what the Oracle meant was, Thou shalt go, thou shalt return never, by war shalt thou perish. Two commas could have saved his life.
One of the most common instances of the ‘dropped comma’ occurs when we write or utter the phrase ‘No thanks’ – without separating or mentally separating the two words with a comma. What we really mean is ‘No (I decline), thanks’ (but thank you all the same); what we are in fact saying is ‘No thanks!’ – which if you think about it is nothing less than a rude rejection!
As a general rule, where dropping a comma doesn’t endanger understanding but instead helps the flow of the sentence, leave it out.
The Comma Splice
Another common error is the so-called comma splice – the use of a comma in place of a linking word to unite two sentences in the mistaken belief that it will form a single sentence:
The house is large, it has seven bedrooms.
That is not a grammatical sentence, but there are several ways to make it one:
• The house is large; it has seven bedrooms.
• The house is large as it has seven bedrooms.
• The house is large and includes seven bedrooms.
• The house is large, with seven bedrooms.
Simple? You would think so, but splicing a second sentence to another with an inadequate comma is not confined to the inexperienced writer. Here’s the novelist E M Forster in A Passage to India:
Chance brought her into his mind while it was in this heated state, he did not select her, she happened to occur among the throng of soliciting images, a tiny splinter, and he impelled her by his spiritual force to that place where completeness can be found.
One hesitates to correct a master, but surely a full stop is called for after heated state, and either a colon or semicolon after select her. But you really begin to wonder when you find the great stylist W Somerset Maugham scattering comma splices throughout the pages of his novel Of Human Bondage:
… often he sat and looked at the branches of a tree silhouetted against the sky, it was like a Japanese print … ‘You must congratulate me, I got my signatures yesterday …’ ‘I looked in on my way out, I wanted to tell you my news …’
All three splices call for remedial action, with the commas replaced by full stops, or at the very least by semicolons. In the last two sentences linking words such as for, because or as could happily substitute for the commas.
Correct Comma Placement
Despite their faulty construction, at least the meaning of those offending sentences was clear. That, however, can’t be said of the following group of miscreants where commas, or the lack of them, result in ambiguity.
| Do we mean | They were sick and tired of the seemingly endless journey. |
| or … | They were sick, and tired of the seemingly endless journey. |
| Do we mean | Brenda and Ian didn’t fall in love because they liked their privacy too much. |
| or … | Brenda and Ian didn’t fall in love, because they liked their privacy too much. |
| Do we mean | At the Coronation, she heard, many of the guests had to stand for over six hours. |
| or … | At the Coronation she heard many of the guests had to stand for over six hours. |
| Do we mean | My son Frederick invented the whoopee cushion. |
| or … | My son, Frederick, invented the whoopee cushion. |
All four examples here are slightly subtler versions of the following old chestnuts:
The deer spun an arrow through its heart.
The deer spun, an arrow through its heart.
To be honest, cashiers don’t go home late.
To be honest cashiers, don’t go home late.
But to return to the four sets of alternatives. In the first, the simple addition of a comma after sick alters the meaning of the sentence dramatically. Without the comma the travellers are merely ‘fed up’, but with the comma they are in a far worse state.
In the case of Brenda and Ian, the first sentence could imply that Brenda and Ian did fall in love, but not for the reason that they liked their privacy. With a comma after love, however, it is clear that their budding relationship foundered because they were protective of their privacy.
At the Coronation, the sentence with the