In Stitches. Nick Edwards

appropriate to understanding her cultural needs (i.e. she was an Anglo-Saxon who culturally needed to binge drink). A lot of doctors, who are worried about having to be politically correct, may not have acted in that way for fear of being complained about. But I think that we should be complained about if we don’t try and educate patients on harm prevention. We need them to know the danger of their behaviour and it has been shown that short blasts from A&E doctors can make a difference. It is also quite enjoyable for us, but that is not the point. If I really wanted to go into a job so I could tell off teenagers, I would have gone into teaching. But then all my teacher friends say that if they really wanted to go into a job where they could tell off teenagers, then they would have been A&E doctors. Anyway my fears that I had gone a bit over the top subsided when in the morning, her mum brought round a thank you letter and a box of chocolates. I have never been thanked so kindly for being so forthright to someone’s offspring before.

      The effects of drinking continued. Luckily, as it got later in the evening, the patients generally got a little older. Unfortunately, they also got a little more abusive as their waits to see me increased. There was a lot of drinking going on – mostly on empty stomachs but largely on empty heads as well – a particularly dangerous combination. The only difference from New Year’s Eve in the days before liberal drinking laws is that now cases of alcohol intoxication continue from 8 p.m. to 6 a.m.

      The thing to remember is that these patients do need proper medical care – in fact they often need even better attention than sober patients as it is easy to miss injuries when someone is drunk. More seriously, it is easy to misdiagnose an unconscious patient as someone being drunk, when in fact they have had a serious head injury. I left work absolutely exhausted, but with a thought. If only we could videotape these patients and then show them what fools they made of themselves …

       Why bother coming?

      It’s a Sunday. The weather is beautiful. There are hills to walk up, football matches to watch, women/men to chat up, beer to drink and the seaside is only an hour’s drive away. You are young and healthy, with money in your back pocket – the world is your oyster. Lastminute.com is offering you 12 hours in New York for £3, the cinema has a new movie on; you have a new horny girlfriend who has lost her rabbit. You could do anything. So why on earth do you sit in A&E for 5 hours (sorry, Mrs Hewitt, 3 hours and 59 minutes on the computer), for me to see you and say there is nothing wrong with you? Look, go to your GP if you are worried about non-urgent things and next time you come, read the sign outside – ACCIDENT AND EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT.