side of her chest looking almost concave compared to her right breast. Vikki knelt down beside her and squeezed her hand.
When Elaine peeled open her eyes and realized she had not one but two onlookers, she immediately shifted up in her chair and pulled back her shoulders. ‘Sorry, I must have dozed off. Do you want some tea?’
Tears were stinging Vikki’s eyes. ‘Mum, I’ve been thinking—’
‘Vikki, maybe now’s not the time,’ Rob interjected; he had remained at the door. ‘Let’s leave it.’
Elaine looked at them both in turn. ‘Leave what?’
Vikki had spent the last ten minutes walking in silence and rehearsing what she was going to say to her mum. She didn’t know how to deal with this latest turn of events. ‘I miss being at home, Mum. I miss being with Rob,’ she blurted out in the hope that either her mum or her husband would reach the right conclusion for her.
‘And I’ve had you to myself for far too long,’ Elaine said, giving her daughter’s hand a squeeze. ‘I can manage on my own, of course I can, and the sooner you go, the sooner I can prove it to you all.’
‘You don’t have to do this, Elaine,’ Rob said. ‘I can manage perfectly well at home in my little bachelor pad.’
‘Can you now? I’d say that’s all the more reason for your wife to go back home.’
‘Mum—’
Elaine didn’t let her daughter finish. ‘Go home, Victoria, and look after your family. You don’t know how lucky you are to have a husband who loves and supports you. Don’t take that for granted, not ever.’
Tears stung Vikki’s eyes. Why did everything have to be so complicated? She didn’t want to leave her mum to fend for herself. She was terrified of losing her, but now there was a new fear, one that she had never considered before. What if there was a risk of losing her husband too?
‘Go home,’ Elaine repeated.
Wednesday, 28 October 2015
When Rob lifted himself off her and collapsed on to the bed, Vikki turned on to her side and let her body meld into his, her spine curving against his chest so they were in perfect symmetry. It was moments like this that proved they were made for each other. Rob would look after her and love her for ever, like he promised he always would. When he slipped an arm around her waist, the warmth of his breath on the back of her neck sent a delicious shiver down her spine.
‘God, Vikki, you’re wearing me out,’ he whispered in her ear. ‘It’s a good job I’m not in school this week.’
She smiled as she pushed her bottom against him in the safe knowledge that her husband was completely spent. ‘When I suggested we should have an early night,’ she said, ‘I did actually mean so you could catch up on your sleep.’
‘Yeah, sure you did.’
Since Vikki’s return home, she and Rob had been behaving like honeymooners, but after ten days even Vikki’s youthful athleticism was no match for her husband’s needs. That evening she would have been more than happy to simply go to bed to sleep, and it was what she was desperate to do now, but Rob began nibbling her earlobe.
‘I was thinking,’ he said.
‘Thinking what exactly?’
‘Have you given any more thought to going back to work?’
Her eyes felt heavy, but the very mention of finding a job piqued her interest and staved off sleep. She had been idly surfing the net over the last few days, searching for vacancies even if she wasn’t quite ready, or able, to commit to anything yet.
‘I keep looking, but only out of curiosity. I wouldn’t dream of applying for anything until Mum’s finished all her treatment. But I will,’ she added, and she was hopeful. Her mum had had her first round of chemo earlier that week and they were both surprised by how well she had dealt with the toxic chemicals that had been pumped into her system. The doctors had warned Elaine that it might take a week to recover from what would be three weekly cycles for the next three months. Everyone reacted differently apparently and there was likely to be a cumulative effect, but if this first round was anything to go by, then Vikki was hoping her mum would be one of the lucky ones.
Rob kissed her neck. ‘But you do want more kids, don’t you?’
‘Eventually,’ she whispered, although, if she were being honest, it was something she was happy to put off for as long as possible.
‘Don’t you think it might be better to do it now?’
‘Now? As in while Mum’s fighting for her life?’ she asked, using the same argument as before for putting off the job search, only with a little more desperation.
‘You know I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that you’re a natural when it comes to being a mum, and Freya’s thrived because you’ve been able to stay at home and look after her. I know you, Vikki. You’d want to give our next baby the best start too, but if you were committed to a career, wouldn’t you feel torn? Wouldn’t it be better to complete our family first?’
‘Is that what you think we should do?’ she asked.
He nibbled her ear again. ‘I want what you want, no more, no less. You’re beautiful, and talented, and amazing. You can do anything you set your mind to.’
‘But it’s not my decision alone. It should be both of us.’
‘And it is. We both agree we want more kids, it’s all about the timing, that’s all. I honestly don’t mind either way, which means it’s only right that you should choose the ‘when’ in our family plan.’
‘But I don’t know,’ Vikki said, struck with sudden doubt. She had been counting down the days until Freya started pre-school and she had set her heart on finding a job that would get her out of the house, but so much had changed. Perhaps she should rethink her plans.
‘Well, maybe it’s something you need to at least start thinking about.’
‘I will,’ she said, and yawned deliberately. ‘But now isn’t exactly the best time to make plans, is it?’
She felt Rob’s chest push against her back as he inhaled deeply and released a sigh. She was tempted to say something else, although what that something should be, she didn’t know. Rob pulled his arm away and turned on to his back so that they were no longer touching. ‘Sorry, you’re right. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I know your mum has to come first for now and, for the record, I think you’re dealing with it all so well. I’m really proud of you, Vikki.’
‘I’m proud of you too,’ she said, turning to look at him. With only the dull glow from the digital clock, she couldn’t read his expression. ‘I couldn’t have coped without your support, you know that, don’t you?’
Rob pulled the covers up over his chest. ‘For what it’s worth, you have it. Don’t ever doubt that,’ he said, and a moment later he was snoring softly. Vikki, on the other hand, held out little hope of finding sleep any time soon.
Friday, 30 October 2015
Vikki stood in her mum’s bedroom, looking out across fields and thick woodland in the distance. The turning leaves of the ancient oaks and beeches lining the horizon had been aflame only yesterday, but in the grey light of a new day, they had turned brown and lifeless. Closer to home, the field that would normally be occupied by half a dozen horses was ominously empty.
It was almost Halloween, after which Vikki would begin counting down to Christmas, but what would the New Year bring? She imagined the field covered in layers of sand, stone and cement to make way for a development of sixteen detached homes, and everything else that entailed.