lips turned white.
‘Rose, come on. Whatever you did isn’t half as bad as you think it is. You’re so kind-hearted. You’d feel awful about the tiniest thing. I mean, it’s not like you did something stupid, like went back to a guy’s house because you were drunk and—’
‘You did what?’ Rose asked, the colour burning back into her cheeks.
Oops, she forgot she hadn’t told Rose about Steven yet. ‘I had a one-night stand last week. It’s nothing to worry about. He was cool.’
Rose narrowed her eyes. ‘Nat, he could have hurt you. In fact, wait. You said last week? Was that the night you didn’t come home by any chance?’
Busted.
‘Yeah, that’s the one. But I really was in the storage unit, you know, after I snuck out.’ And after giving another guy a floor show. She still couldn’t get the hot sauce smell off her lovely clutch.
‘Nat, you’re spiralling.’ Rose took her hands. ‘Why?’
Natalie shook her head. ‘Nope, you can take that worried look and flip it on yourself. Tonight’s about you, and I want to know what’s going on. Is it …’
She took a deep breath, then chickened out of what she wanted to ask, and went with something else. ‘Is it Tom? Are you having second thoughts?’
Rose studied her face for a minute. ‘If I tell you the truth, will you tell me what you were going to ask me?’
Frick, there really was no way to get anything past Rose. ‘Deal.’
‘Okay.’ Rose necked her saki then gestured to the waiter for another. ‘I’m not worried about Tom. I think he’ll be an amazing husband, a brilliant dad. The thing is, I’ve been engaged before.’
Natalie blinked, it was all she could do.
‘Don’t hate me for not telling you. It was ten years ago. And I didn’t want you to think I was a heartless cow,’ Rose said, looking down at her hands.
‘Enough of that, I don’t think anything of the sort.’ She slid the rest of her sake over the table. It looked like Rose needed it more.
‘I don’t want to go into the details, but it ended because of me. I left him without an explanation or anything.’ A tear broke free from her eye and slid down her cheek. Rose didn’t even seem to notice as she picked up the drink and downed it.
And the reason her friend had been so down became clear. ‘You don’t want to do the same thing to Tom.’ When Rose nodded, she went on, ‘Then tell me why you left the other guy. I mean, you had to have a good reason.’
Rose’s eyes welled to the point Natalie thought she’d break down in the middle of the restaurant. ‘I just couldn’t see a future with him, not when I looked past the puppy love and took off the rose-tinted glasses. We were opposites in every way. I was ready, even at eighteen, to settle down, start a business and one day have a ton of kids.’
‘He didn’t want that?’ Natalie prompted.
Rose shrugged. ‘We never really spoke about it. I was leaving after the summer to go to college here in the city, and he just spent all his time fiddling with his computer. He had all these ideas about designing games and don’t get me wrong, he was brilliant at it. In fact, I used to go over to his when I was a kid and play them too. He just lacked the ambition to do anything with it and at the end of the day, I couldn’t face supporting him when I wanted to start up a business of my own. So I left.’
Natalie could see it, her friend at eighteen with her future already mapped out. She was so level-headed. Someone who didn’t know what to do with their life would have been a poor match.
‘But why do you feel you might end up doing that to Tom? He’s a banker and does pretty well for himself. In fact, he has a great income, a fancy rental in Chelsea and a 2016 Bentley. I’d say he’s pretty ambitious, and it’s obvious you really love him, so what’s worrying you?’
The waiter approached with another round of drinks, but Rose didn’t down this one. ‘Even without the money, even without the ambition, I’d still love him more than anything. We just click, you know? And I wonder, did I feel that way back then, or was it just puppy love? If I could walk away from one fiancé, will I walk away from this one?’
Natalie wasn’t exactly qualified in relationships, and her experience added up to a handful of one-nighters, two six-month relationships in high school and the occasional fling since she came to London, so she wasn’t the person to go to for advice. But Rose’s predicament seemed so obvious.
‘I think you need to let go of the past and all your guilt so you can move forward with Tom. If you truly believe it is meant to be, then it will work out. You can’t hurt him, hon. You care too much.’
Rose sniffled. ‘What would I do without you?’
Natalie grinned. ‘You’d be lost. So, a Christmas wedding, eh? Do you think Tom would consider moving it to Boxing Day?’
‘For my maid of honour? He’d better. Or there won’t be a wedding at all.’ She chuckled.
Natalie’s throat got all thick, and she grabbed at it, like she could stop the emotion from bubbling up and spilling over. She felt like she was somehow closer to Rose knowing her friend wasn’t perfect, and also relieved at not having to worry about being a misery at the wedding.
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to help? I mean, it can’t be easy finding somewhere, even for a small party, this close to the day. And I’ve done loads of last-minute weddings. I could call in a favour somewhere, maybe at the Savoy? I’m friendly with their events manager.’ At first she’d dreaded having to help, but now things had cleared up with Tom, she wanted to do whatever she could.
‘Nope,’ Rose said, shaking her head at the same time. ‘All you have to do is go to the dress fitting when it’s ready. Tom and I will do the rest. We were just going to have the ceremony at the registry office then have a meal with Tom’s friends and family after. I’ve even invited the girls from the shop and their families, but all in all there won’t even be thirty people. Even if you bring a date.’
There was no way she’d take a date. Even spending Christmas day watching the scariest horror films, she could never hide the puffy eyes from all the crying. She’d look a mess on Boxing day. She always did. ‘There’s more chance of me swimming the channel than that.’
Rose frowned. ‘Would you prefer if we moved the wedding to spring, maybe? I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this if you don’t feel up for it.’
Natalie shook her head. ‘I’m not going to be the reason you delay your wedding. Anyway, it’s meant to snow this year – how romantic will that be for the photos? I usually put it all away by the 26th anyway.’
If you could call wrestling with her guilt and grief until she felt halfway normal, putting it all away.
‘I wish you didn’t have to.’
‘Me too,’ Natalie said, then sighed. ‘Anyway, let’s talk about less morbid things, okay?’
‘Okay then. What were you going to say before?’ Rose asked, startling her.
Great. They’d gone from discussing Natalie’s unresolved issues with her mother’s death and Christmas, to talking about her insecurities. Well, she supposed it was now or never. The sooner she knew the answer, she supposed the sooner she could be proactive about the situation. ‘I was worried that the reason you were so down was because you were engaged, wanting to live with your fiancé and were too nice to ask me to move out, even though you wanted me to.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Nat. Of course, I want you to stay!’
Rose looked horrified she’d even suggested otherwise.
‘It’s going to be different when