to share your utterly depressing thoughts, Nathan.’ Her eyes had flashed him a look of amusement, but I noticed a worrying trace of disapproval lurking behind her smile. ‘We’re lucky we’ve survived; many don’t. Yes, it’s hard bringing up a family and it’s only natural there are times when we all long to take a break from everyday life. But if you were still single now, you’d be way out of control.’ Was there a hint of reluctant acceptance in her softly spoken words?
‘Ah, behind every successful man there is a woman,’ Josh spoke up, conscious that the silly banter was in danger of getting out of hand.
Nathan had downed the remainder of his drink in one. ‘I thought the saying was that behind every successful man is a woman, and behind her is his wife.’
Everyone had laughed at that point, because we were all unaware at the time of the cracks in what had seemed like a very solid relationship. But within a year of that conversation, their marriage was over and Nathan began the first in a string of disastrous hook-ups. As for us, Hettie was five years old by then, and Rosie had just turned three. We had joined in that conversation good-naturedly, too tired from disturbed nights and the strains of the house move to read any more into it. Rosie had way too much energy to sleep for more than a couple of hours at a stretch. She was this endless bundle of activity, stopping only when she was exhausted. Often she would fall asleep in the middle of eating a meal, or suddenly curl up on the floor, toy in hand. Who had the energy to even have an itch, we wondered? Certainly not us. I had no idea if Josh worried about it, but we continued to sail through each anniversary and our love was strong and unwavering. The only worry in my mind was what would I do if I ever lost Josh? What if one of us died prematurely? I knew it worried him too, but we chose to never voice those concerns.
Life was ruled by the usual day-to-day family highs and lows, as we negotiated our way through temper tantrums and growing pains. Rosie had just started nursery school and she loved it, blossoming in an environment of play activity and making new friends. By then Josh had been promoted and was running the entire IT section. His week was busy and he often worked long hours, but weekends were family time.
I lost touch with most of my work colleagues as the years continued to fly by, but one of the other interns, Olivia Bradley, remained my one very close friend. Our lives were, and are still, so very different, but that’s partly why my friendship with Livvie works so well. I think we can see in each other the life we didn’t choose, if that makes any sense. There, but for the grace of God, go I. It helps to reaffirm that the individual paths we chose were ultimately the right ones for us.
Livvie thinks children and marriage are overrated. She now lives in a pristinely perfect, designer home, which is spread over three levels and clings to the side of a valley. A few times over the years she’s come to stay for the weekend, but I always feel awkward as it’s hard to keep the house quiet with a constant throng of girls parading through it. Livvie went on to have a single, but exciting, life and now runs her own interior-design company named Bradley’s Design Creative. She works very closely with a building company in which she has a part share. If a client wants their house remodelled before the interior is redesigned, then Livvie oversees the whole project. Of course, I probably flatter myself thinking that Livvie had the life I would have had if I hadn’t met Josh. Would I have been that successful? I doubt it. But when I told her I was thinking of returning to work she had immediately offered me a job.
‘You must come and work for me, Ellie,’ she’d cooed down the phone and I envied her that calm, sultry, yet professional, voice. I was used to being a drill sergeant at home and having to talk just that little bit higher and louder than two noisy girls, and a husband with a distinctly tenor voice. I’d readjusted my pitch and tone in an attempt to bolster my flagging confidence.
‘I don’t know, Livvie, it’s very kind of you but I’m going to need some time to rediscover the, um, other side of me. I’m not sure what I have to offer. I’ve probably forgotten everything I learnt. It feels like a lifetime ago.’
‘Nonsense. Your eye for a good design is instinctive; that’s not something that can be learnt. Plus, both of the girls are at school now, so how else will you fill your day? What you have is life experience and common sense. That’s in short supply at the moment, believe me. Some of the people I employ might have really good credentials, but give them a problem and it’s instantly a crisis. I’m looking for someone with a cool head, who can make decisions and think outside the box. I’ve seen the way you boss that family of yours around and keep them on track, Ellie. Those are precisely the skills I need. You would be doing me a favour.’
I realised that was exactly why Livvie had made such a success of her business, because she was a people person. She understood what made people tick and utilised their skills in the best possible way. I knew her well enough to trust that she wouldn’t put me into a situation where I would feel I was totally out of my depth. And she was right; being at work gave me a sense of completeness and I loved it from day one. I eased myself into working three days a week, as the liaison point between the designer, clients and contractors. The job itself was perfect for me and Josh and the girls were very supportive. Within two years the business suddenly took off in a new direction when Livvie started taking on hotel refurbishment projects. As the team beneath her expanded, her time was very much focused on suppliers, staff turnover and recruitment.
Then, one fateful day, a phone call neither of us expected caused Livvie to change her plans.
You can’t un-see what you’ve seen and you can’t un-say what you’ve said … you can only try to limit the damage.
Livvie is due to fly out to Italy to check out a new supplier she’s keen to use. They specialise in a wide range of well-designed, artisan goods and it looks like a promising proposition. They approached her recently, offering big price incentives to become one of her regular suppliers. If she likes their set-up and everything is as good up close as it is in the brochure, this could be the start of a fast-growing relationship. As she prepares to leave the office her mobile kicks into life and I can see by the look on her face that it isn’t good news.
‘My mother’s had a fall. That was her neighbour, letting me know that the ambulance is taking Mum to the accident and emergency centre. I can’t believe it. I’m not sure what to do.’
Her eyes search mine as her head tries to process the information. I’m used to dealing with family emergencies, but for Livvie this is a first. Her father died when she was quite small; too young to have any memories attached to it, whether good or bad. This was something for which she wasn’t prepared, as Livvie’s life is all about work. Domestic traumas usually come in the form of something breaking down. She has a phone full of contacts ready to sort whatever issue threatens to interrupt her working day. Okay, it’s often at a premium, but if it isn’t important to the running of her business, then it isn’t a good use of her time. It’s merely an annoying inconvenience.
‘Drop everything. Just head off to the hospital.’
She looks at me quite blankly, as if what’s happening hasn’t quite sunk in. ‘But it’s too late to cancel the trip … the flights—’
Her face tells me exactly what she’s asking me to do and we both know there simply isn’t anyone else who can do it.
‘I’ll go in your place. You can ring me later and talk me through what I need to know before the meeting. Family comes first, Livvie, and your mum needs you to show her that.’
She’s nodding her head, but it takes her a few moments to swing into action. Grabbing a pile of papers from inside her briefcase, she thrusts them into my hands. Livvie looks shell-shocked and I wonder if she’s going to have a panic attack or something. I’ve never seen her look so unsure of herself.
‘Thank you, Ellie.