now I can’t feel it at all. A little harder, please.’
Tully stuck her tongue out at the back of Jen’s head.
‘And stop sticking your tongue out at me,’ said Jennifer, her eyes closed. ‘I know you did it. Just go on with the story.’
‘The scorpion protested,’ said Tully loudly. ‘“Turtle, I swear to you, I will not bite you. I’m not stupid, turtle. You could save my life. If I bite you, I will drown, and I do not want to die.” The turtle believed him, swam over, put the scorpion on her back, and started swimming with him back to shore. When the turtle was close to the shore, the scorpion bit her. And as they were both drowning, the turtle turned around and said, “Why? Why did you do it, scorpion? Now we’re both going to die. Why did you do it?” And the scorpion replied, “Because I am a scorpion. I cannot help myself. It is my nature.”’
Jennifer lay there quietly on her stomach. ‘I love that story,’ she said.
And I love you, Mandolini, thought Tully.
4
For Christmas, Robin took Tully to his father’s funeral. Mr DeMarco died on Christmas Eve.
They buried him next to Pamela DeMarco on the twenty-seventh of December. Robin introduced Tully as his girlfriend, and Tully smiled cordially. She observed a lot of grief on a bitterly cold and windy December day. She wondered how it was possible to display so much emotion in public. Robin stood still, dressed in somber black, and his face was a mask. But when he and Tully got back to his house and he smelled the camphor and saw his father’s chair, he broke down. Tully patted his back and again wondered. Robin never seemed to talk much or show much feeling about his dad’s cancer; yet, here he was, struck.
New Year’s Eve was better. Shakie, the Homecoming Queen threw a party, and everybody went. Even Julie seemed to be having a marginally good time with Tom. But it was Jennifer who held Tully at attention most of the evening, for Jennifer spent most of the evening with Jack. In fact he never left her side. Tully did not waste time looking at Jennifer’s face, knowing already what she would find there. Instead, she watched Jack to see what was in his. It was hard to tell with Jack. For one, he was drunk. And two, his face was the kind of face that would not be read easily. It seemed composed even under the glaze of alcohol. But his hands touched Jen’s shoulders and arms, touched her face and her neck. His eyes laughed with her, and so did his mouth. Bending his head down to talk to her Jack almost seemed tender to Tully. Tender- what an absurd word! Yet tenderness was what came to her mind when she saw Jack looking at Jennifer. And familiarity, too. Sort of like he knew her face well. Who can tell? Who can tell anything. Who can tell even heaven from hell. But Tully didn’t hum the familiar beloved Pink Floyd tune, not even under her breath. The small prickle of anxiety about Jennifer was suddenly too sharp for singing.
Jack is a popular football captain, thought Tully. That should tell me everything I need to know about his feelings for Jennifer. But all Tully wanted was what Jennifer wanted, and all Jennifer wanted was Jack.
They said good-bye to 1978 and greeted 1979 with champagne and kisses and ‘Auld Lang Syne.’ Robin kissed Tully, and she smiled and squeezed his arm. I don’t need to sing a song to figure out what he is feeling, she thought. She lost sight of Jennifer for a moment and then couldn’t find her again anywhere. Not her, not Jack.
5
Jennifer closed her eyes and then opened them again in a hurry. Yes, sir. He is here. Open your eyes, Jen, all you wanna do is look at him and you’re closing your eyes? What’s the matter with you?
She assumed they were driving to his house. He didn’t make it clear. Right before midnight, he whispered to her, ‘Let’s get out of here,’ and then said little else. Did Jack perhaps think they were going to Jennifer’s house? He seemed very drunk.
Okay, Jen, hold on to the wheel with both hands, steady on, now, girl, and drive. You’ll have plenty of time to look at him. Just drive now. Must be well past midnight, she thought. Did he ask me to drive him home or did I just volunteer? Does he even know where his home is? Look at him, will you just look at him. Jennifer, drive the car, steady on.
At Lakeside Drive, Jack asked her to come in. No one seemed to be home. ‘No one’s home,’ he confirmed, disappearing into the bathroom. Jennifer sat on the sofa and looked around. She was in the back room – the family room. It had been a long time since the last time she was at his house. Nearly a year, she guessed. She had always liked this room. It had a lot of pretty white-painted wicker furniture and many plants.
Jennifer looked up as Jack handed her a Coke. ‘Your favorite, right?’ he said. She wanted to tell him that no, wrong, he was her favorite, but thought that was too trite.
He sat down next to her and touched her hair. ‘Your hair feels so nice, so soft,’ he murmured. ‘You smell so good, I love the way you smell. I’ve always loved the way you smell.’
‘Always?’ she asked.
‘Always,’ Jack confirmed, moving Jen’s hair to expose her neck. She helped him, and he leaned over and kissed it, kissed her neck. Jennifer leaned into him and Jack kissed her throat all over. Jennifer wanted to keep her eyes open so she could look at him, so that she could look at him kissing her throat, but that was just impossible. As soon as his lips touched her neck, her eyes closed.
She wrapped her hand around his neck and with her other hand touched his face like a blind person. At first Jack was kissing her gently, then his kissing got more urgent; his mouth ran up her jaw and he began to kiss her lips, roughly and gently, roughly and gently. Jennifer tried to keep track of what he was doing to her, but it seemed her brain, like her eyes, closed as well. Keeping track was clearly not possible. She stopped keeping track of anything except his mouth and his big rough and gentle hands that ran all around her. Jack knelt down in front of Jennifer and unbuttoned her blouse. Putting his face between her breasts, he kissed her skin between them while his hands fumbled with the back of her bra. ‘It opens in the front,’ she said helpfully, and he unfastened her and took her breasts out; looked at them and moaned. ‘Jen, you are so beautiful, look at you, you’re unbelievable.’ He kissed her breasts under the nipples and over the nipples, sucked her nipples, sucked the skin of her breasts under and over the nipples, Jennifer moaned and moaned, her eyes permanently shut, her hands clutching his blond hair; she was just so lost.
I can’t believe I am really here with you. I can’t believe you are kissing me. I can’t believe you are kissing me. When Jennifer had dreamed of what it would be like to have Jack kiss her and touch her, when she dreamed of him and his lips every day for the past four years, this is what she dreamed it would be. Being completely lost in his lips.
Jack carried her up to his bedroom, kissing her all the while. He laid her on his bed and began unbuckling his belt. Unbuckling his belt. I am lying down on his bed. Jennifer watched him do it, but incoherently; crazed with aching, she just wanted the feel of him.
And she got him. Jen managed to wrap her hands around him, seconds before he thrust himself inside her, and her only thought was, My God, it is so big, is this what they are all like, this big?
‘Oh, you are so wet.’ He groaned. ‘You are so ready for me.’ She could only groan in response; she was here with him, under his smooth wide chest, with his big muscled arms propping him up, with all his blond hair falling into his beautiful drunk face above her. She was here with him, and her readiness just did not matter, for she had fallen so hard for him, she had been perpetually at the ready.
Jack had had a lot to drink, and it took him forever to come. They tried this and that. Jennifer even went down on him, as incredible as that was: she had never even seen one before tonight. There was a certain pleasure in that, Jennifer thought, as she rubbed him with her hands. He is my first everything. Jack went down on her; she got on top of him; he got behind her; then he got a mirror and brought it to the bed so