a walk for most of the boys who got interested in Tully. It was just as well. Most of the boys Tully met were not to her mother’s taste.
When Tully was sixteen, all the ‘staying over at friends’ houses’ had stopped. Hedda Makker, having been too tired for years, suddenly expressed interest in the contents of Tully’s desk and found some condoms. Tully swore up and down that they were given to her as a joke, for balloons, that she knew they were bad but didn’t know what they were. It was to no avail. The ‘sleepovers’ stopped. That was a shame. Tully had made a lot of money on those dance contests up on College Hill.
Tully went nowhere for six months, except Jennifer’s and Julie’s, and when she had turned seventeen last year, her Aunt Lena came with her. Loud, laughing, partying teenagers, who drank Buds and told dirty jokes and sang the Dead, and Aunt Lena, sitting in some corner like a fat mute duck, watching, watching, watching her.
Not being able to go out and party, Tully, who for years had tried to shut out her childhood friends, reluctantly returned to the Makker/Mandolini/Martinez circle. They became known around Topeka High as the 3Ms. They were always together again, but it wasn’t the same. There were…things they did not speak about.
And they never slept outside in Jennifer’s backyard anymore, like they used to when they were kids.
Tully kind of missed that. But at sixteen, she missed College Hill more. Missed the dancing.
Tully was not allowed to stay out past six o’clock on school days or weekends. Last February, Tully stayed an extra few hours at Julie’s. Upon her return, at six-thirty, she found all the doors and windows locked. No amount of banging and crying made Tully’s mother shift from her TV chair before the eleven o’clock news ended. Hedda must have fallen asleep on the couch like always and forgot all about Tully.
In the summer before Tully’s senior year, Hedda Makker loosened up. But Tully suspected Mother had simply become too tired again to watch over her.
Tully called the summer of 1978 her ‘a-storm-a-day summer.’ It had not been a good summer. She watched a lot of ‘All in the Family’ and ‘General Hospital.’ But even sunny summers were a drag in landlocked Topeka. The girls managed to get to Blaisdell Pool in Gage Park once or twice. Tully went to a number of barbecues at Julie’s and Jen’s and read – a lot, all trash.
The girls celebrated Julie’s eighteenth birthday a month ago in August, with Aunt Lena pleasantly in tow.
Tully’s bedroom door opened.
‘Tully, it’s after six, are you ready to go?’
‘Yes, just brushing my hair.’
Hedda Makker came near and ran her hand over Tully’s frizzy locks.
‘Mom.’ Tully pulled away, and so did Hedda, looking her daughter over.
‘Your hair looks awful. The roots are growing out.’
‘Yes, I know, thank you.’
‘I’m only telling you because I care about you, Tully. No one else would care enough to tell you the truth.’
‘Oh, I know, Mom.’
‘I don’t have the money for your hair, Tully.’
‘I know,’ Tully said harshly. Then, ‘Mrs Mandolini will need me to clear up all the leaves soon,’ a little milder.
‘So will I.’
But will you pay me, Mother? thought Tully. Will you pay me to clean up your leaves and dance on your table?
‘I’ll rake them soon, okay?’ Tully said, her mouth stretching into a nominal smile. Hedda stared at her daughter and said, ‘You should let your natural hair grow out. It looks terrible now.’
‘Mom, I get the picture.’
Hedda squinted at Tully in the dim light. ‘Tully, you are wearing too much –’
‘Makeup,’ Tully finished. ‘I know.’
‘Tully, I know you know, you tell me you know, but you don’t put any less on. Why?’
‘Because I’m ugly, Mom, that’s why.’
‘You aren’t ugly. Where’d you get that idea from?’
Tully looked at her mother’s drawn, broad face; tired eyes the color of mud; lank hair, roughly the same color; thin, colorless lips.
‘Mom, I’m plain.’
‘But Tully, when you wear so much makeup, do you realize how you look?’
‘No, Mom,’ said Tully in a tired voice. ‘How do I look?’
‘You look slatternly,’ said Hedda. ‘You look cheap.’
‘Do I?’ Tully stared at herself in the mirror. Now be very, very quiet, Tully Makker, she thought.
‘Yes, you do. And when you look cheap, boys will think you are cheap, they will come on to you and treat you with no respect. And boys your age, they can be very…’ here Hedda paused, ‘persistent. You may not be able to fight them off.’
Fight them off? Tully thought. ‘Yes, Mom, you know, I think you’re right. Maybe I am wearing a little too much makeup.’ And taking a cotton puff, Tully began to vigorously rub her face.
Hedda stared at her. ‘Are you humoring me, Tully?’
‘No, of course not, Mom, I just don’t want to upset you.’
Hedda said nothing, turning to go. Tully got up out of her chair, then immediately sat back down when she saw Hedda looking at her leathers.
‘Tully, what’s that you’re wearing?’
‘Nothing, Mom, nothing. Just some pants I bought.’
‘Bought? Bought with what?’
With Jennifer’s money. ‘I did some work for Mrs Mandolini, and she gave me a little money for it.’
‘And this is what you bought with her money?’ Hedda’s voice was extremely quiet. She turned on the overhead light in the room to see better.
With my money, thought Tully, saying, ‘Mom, they are just leather, that’s all.’
‘Just leather? Just leather? Do you realize how you look in them? Look!’ And she yanked Tully by the upper arm out of the chair and stood her in front of the mirror. ‘Look! How do you look to boys and to girls? How do you look to Jennifer’s parents? Do you know what they’ll think of me for letting you wear something like this to their home?’
Jen and her mom helped me pick these out, Tully thought. ‘Mom –’
Hedda wasn’t listening. ‘I know what they’ll see. Here’s a girl, a young girl, with bleached permed hair, roots showing. Bright red blush, bright red lipstick, eyes covered with black and blue gop, and those pants. And that shirt.’ Hedda’s voice was stone cold and dead slow. ‘That slinky red shirt, with the first button right between your tits!’
‘Mom! Please!’
‘Are you gonna be…bending over a lot, Tully?’ asked Hedda menacingly. ‘Are you…wearing a bra, Tully?’
Tully threw her hand to the top of her blouse, but too late – Hedda got there first, pulling Tully’s shirt away from her body to reveal two pale, moist-with-sweat breasts.
Hedda’s eyes narrowed and Tully’s widened.
‘Mom, I only have two bras and they were both dirty. I couldn’t wear them.’
‘Shut up, Tully Makker, shut up.’ Hedda’s voice was as slow as before but an octave higher.
‘Who else