we do here, Kezia.’
She shook her head slowly, fighting the burn of tears that was building up in her eyes. Sexual frustration and emotions warred in her body. ‘You sad bastard.’ She took a step backwards, back against the wall, her sweating palms against the cold plaster. He’d got under her skin, made her give up control, just to prove his point that love and lust were a million miles apart.
He didn’t move as she stared at him, didn’t flinch, but the empty look in his eyes made her want to grab him, shake him, scream at him until he snapped out of it. It had felt real, he’d felt real, warm, like he wanted to create something between them.
An illusion and a control freak.
One tear spilled and she could feel the damp heat trickle down her cheek, taste the salt in her mouth. Not bothering to wipe the tear or say a word she finally found the power to move her feet, push past him.
‘Kezia.’ But she didn’t pause, didn’t turn, she just kept on at the same steady pace across the yard, forcing herself not to run, until she couldn’t hear him or the horses any more.
Kezia kicked off her boots in the kitchen, hardly pausing, then marched straight up the stairs, banging the door shut and falling on to the bed.
What the hell was wrong with her? Why had she let him get under her skin? Some stupid fantasy about domineering men and wild passionate sex that a stupid corner of her mind had decided was about to come true. Except she didn’t want a domineering man. And definitely not one who wouldn’t even let her touch him.
She stared up at the ceiling. He’d barely touched her breasts and he definitely hadn’t touched the place she wanted him to most. He hadn’t kissed her, he hadn’t talked dirty to her and he hadn’t fucked her. He’d just breathed in her ear and stroked her. And she’d just had what she was pretty sure could have turned into one hell of an orgasm, if he hadn’t stopped it before it had barely begun. That feeling in her belly, the gentle pulsing between her thighs had been slowly unravelling something deep inside, and she’d wanted the tremble spreading through her body to go on forever. And now, she was just left with a dull ache that needed satisfying.
She shouldn’t have let him touch her. He was an attention-seeking, arrogant, domineering twat with a chip on his shoulder the size of a small skyscraper. Getting off on being able to turn women on. And, oh my God, right now she wanted more of the idiot.
Leaning over she grabbed her rucksack and pulled a battered notepad out of the back, ignoring her mobile, which was beeping with yet another incoming text. There was only one person who it could be from; Simon. Simon, who had agreed she needed space, who had agreed that they didn’t have a future together as lovers, but should stay in touch as friends. Simon, who was starting to become a pain in the arse. Yeah, his ‘hope you got there okay’ texts were fine, but then the follow-ups, along the lines of ‘I need you, when are you heading back?’ and ‘you need me, I know you do’ had sounded desperate and had unnerved her. And they were starting to get irritating. He hadn’t been like that when they were together, he’d been laid back and casual, they’d taken things one day at a time. No expectations, no demands, no needs. What was going to come next? ‘I can’t live without you?’
Simon had been fun, the brother she’d never had, more friend than lover. They’d had a few weeks of laughs, cuddles and getting to know you shags, but never once had there been the slightest hint that he was expecting more out of the relationship than she was. Saying goodbye had been hard, because she did care, but in her heart she’d always known that they were happy for now, not forever. And she’d thought he’d felt the same.
Until she’d shown him the plane ticket. Then he’d flipped a bit, which had shocked her, almost cried, which had shocked her even more and now was bugging her. Staying friends would have been great, but this wasn’t. He seemed to have turned overnight from casual dude without a care in the world to someone bordering on obsessive. Stalker material.
She pushed the phone further into the rucksack and fished out a pen. She was crap at spelling, and even worse at long words, but she’d started scribbling down what she was up to after they had gone. Her parents. At first she’d just told them, spoken out loud each night when she was lying in bed, telling them what she’d done, thought, hoped. And then it seemed easier to write it down, when she was sharing digs with people who already thought she was bonkers. And muttering to herself labelled her as completely deranged.
This time it wasn’t for them, though, this was for her. It looked like she was stuck with this guy for the summer, just the two of them. Which could have been cool, but it looked like it was heading for hell, probably because of the sizzle every time she went near him. But she wasn’t in the habit of hating people. She took them as she found them and accepted people’s differences. It was what she’d been brought up to do, he can be an earl or a tramp darling, her mother had always drummed into her, but it’s what’s inside that counts. We’re all human, even if we’re trying our damnedest not to be. And if we are, then there’s a reason, and we’re not always going to know it or understand it. But we can accept it.
Yeah. Easy for her to say. Kezia liked to know, though, not just accept. And right now she wanted to know how the heck she was going to survive the summer with Mr Moody, without either wanting to kill him or jump him.
The last bit could be tricky, but he didn’t want jumping. Obviously. The last thing on his mind was a fun fling that involved cuddles and kisses. The man just wanted sex, and preferably without his cock being involved in the party. Wacky.
So, she needed a plan. Step one; write down all the positives, ignore the negatives because she’d end up with a whole book full of them and as she couldn’t run away yet. There wasn’t any point going there.
Positives (she underlined it for good measure) – nice place, in the middle of nowhere, Marie back soon (oh, God five more weeks of him), comfy bed, sweet horses, money (essential), food (essential), he’s sexy (very), he’s hot.
Plan – admire the scenery (him included, note to self – handy for fantasies), learn how to ride, muck out the stables (and anything else he says), try to ignore the way he looks at me, DON’T let him touch me (she underlined the DON’T as well for extra good measure), find a job with horses.
Another note to self (v. important) – make sure never to go near a sex therapist again (Marie is OK).
Her list covered the finding a job part of her goal, the making something out of her life part, but not the settling down. It didn’t look like this was the place for that, but it was a start.
She let her arm fall back onto the bed and felt calmer. She had a plan.
And now she really must finish off what he’d started, or she was going to feel frustrated, randy and rampant when she saw him again. The last thing she wanted to feel was sex-starved, especially if she was going to stick to the plan.
Closing her eyes she pulled down the zipper on her jeans, and kerpow, he was there in her head like the magic genie. Standing up against her in the stable. She eased her hand into her panties, let her fingers rest against the damp, swollen lips.
‘Turn around.’ She turned to face the wall without question. ‘Take your top off.’ For a second she hesitated. ‘Now.’
‘Yes, sir.’ She peeled the damp top over her head, let it dangle from one hand, unsure what to do. ‘Move your legs apart.’ Slowly she edged her heavy boots apart until they were hip-width, wide enough for him to touch her if he chose to.
Kezia let the tip of her finger ease its way inside herself.
‘Hold your hands behind your back.’ Before she could object he’d bound her wrists with her t-shirt. He moved closer until she could feel the heat of his body only centimetres away. All he needed to do was sway his body and he would cover the gap between them so that skin met skin. But he didn’t. ‘Don’t worry, trust me, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.’ Oh, but she wanted, wanted so much.