Nic Tatano

The Empire State Cat’s Christmas Gift


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advice to people who couldn’t afford it was an easy way to give back. It was an hour every few weeks that had actually brought her a few paying clients over the years. It was a good strategy to get her name “out there” when she first got out of law school and also helped her develop a reputation as a lawyer who was on the side of good. The show had a sizable listening audience. She’d often said, on the air, that she turned down clients with whom her philosophy differed. Anyone looking up her track record would discover she wasn’t kidding.

      The studio was freezing cold as always, since broadcast equipment had to be kept from overheating. She adjusted her headset as the middle-aged host, James Berger, handed her a cup of hot chocolate and took a seat opposite her. “How’s it going, Tish? I’m surprised to see you after the thing with your house.”

      She placed her hands around the mug to warm them. “Well, I’m lucky to be alive, so I’m counting my blessings. A house can be repaired. In the grand scheme of things, it’s just a thing.”

      “Very true. But that was an incredible story about your cat.”

      “Yeah, she saved my life. I don’t think I can feed her enough treats. Anyway, I’m living in a hotel during the week and with a friend on the weekend. I’ll be back in my house in a couple of months. Though right now it’s not my biggest problem.”

      “Really?”

      She nodded. “My biggest client was Clint Davies.”

      “Oh, hell. I couldn’t believe his company went under. Loved his products. I guess we’ll have to find you some new business. You want me to say something today?”

      “Nah, this show is for pro bono work. It would be tacky to solicit clients.”

      “That’s the reason the callers love you. The rare ethical attorney. Tell you what, though, I could toss you a little work myself. Since I’m getting married I could use one of those pre-nups. It’s not a big project but it might pay your light bill for a month or two.”

      “Pre-nup? You worried about your fiancée?”

      “Twenty-three year old bikini model marrying an overweight, balding guy of fifty? The thought that she wants me for my money has crossed my mind a time or two. And my friends refer to her with the G-word.”

      “G-word?”

      “Golddigger.”

      Tish shook her head. “Why do guys like you date women like that?”

      He flashed a wicked grin as his eyebrows did a little jump. “Because we can.”

      “Very funny. Typical man.”

      “Anyway, if she refuses to sign it I’ll know she’s in it for the money.”

      “In other words, you won’t have any trouble finding another young bikini model?”

      “Fame is an incredible aphrodisiac. You’d be amazed at the women who approach me. And I know damn well they wouldn’t give me the time of day if I worked at the post office.”

      “Well, best of luck with your marriage. And I appreciate the business but hope I will not have to handle your divorce proceedings. A new client is welcome right now. Though I will tell you it would be a lot cheaper for you to buy yourself a nice mid-life crisis convertible.”

      “Already got one of those. It’s how I met her. The thing is a chick magnet.”

      “Well, so much for that theory. You sure you want legal advice from me?”

      “Absolutely. Anyway, I’ll come to your office this week and bring you a list of my assets.”

      “Sure. And I can’t wait to meet her.”

      “You won’t have much to talk about. She ain’t exactly Stephen Hawking.” He put on his headset and adjusted the microphone. “Here we go.”

      *

      Spencer started eating the chicken parmigiana he’d brought back to the office for lunch. Usually he listened to the sports talk radio station whenever he ate at his desk, but last week he’d heard about a show featuring lawyers giving free legal advice and wanted to check it out. He took a bite of his meal as he flipped on the radio.

       “And welcome to Legal Briefs, I’m James Berger and our attorney in the house today is Tish McKenna—”

      His jaw dropped a bit, sending a bit of red sauce onto his red silk tie. Thankfully it matched pretty well. He quickly grabbed a napkin and wiped it off, then turned up the volume on the radio.

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