The Merlin Conspiracy. Diana Wynne Jones

books,” I said. “The one where Narnia begins. Can you show me how to make a light like that?”

      “Tell you,” he corrected me, looking even more solemn. “I can’t show you because it comes from inside yourself, see. What you do is find your centre – can you do that?”

      “My navel, you mean?” I said.

      “No, no!” he howled. “You’re not a woman! Or are you? Confess I can’t see you too well, but your voice sounds like teenage male to me. Is that what you are?”

      “Yes,” I said.

      “And a plumb ignorant one too,” he grumbled. “Fancy not knowing – Well, your centre is here!”

      He plunged towards me and took me completely by surprise by jabbing me hard just under my breastbone. What with that, and the blast of alcohol that came with the jab, I went staggering backwards into the rocks on the other side of the path. He overbalanced. He snatched at my knees as he went down, missed, and ended in a heap by my feet. The blue light seemed to splash all over the ground. Then it climbed one of his arms and settled on his shiny wet shoulder.

      “Polar sexus,” he said sadly. “That’s where it is, polar sexus.”

      “Are you hurt?” I asked.

      He raised his soaking grey head. “There is,” he said, “a special angel appointed to watch over those under the inkerfluence of eight over the one. That, young man, is why I had to imbibe before coming here. It all hangs together. Now do you understand how to summon light?”

      “No,” I said frankly.

      “Don’t you even know where your solar plexus is?” he demanded.

      “I thought you said polar sexus,” I said.

      He went up on to his hands and knees and shook his head sadly. Water flew off as if he was a wet dog. “Now you’re making fun of me. But I shall be forbearing,” he said, “though mostly for the reason that I shan’t get out of this place if I’m not. And I may add, young man, that your attitude towards the elderly is less than respectful. Polar sexus indeed!” He started fumbling around on the ground in front of my feet. “Where is it? Where did I put my damn light?”