Simon McDermott

The Songaminute Man: How music brought my father home again


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he tried to keep pace with everyone else. Although there were lots of rules and regulations, it soon became apparent this set-up made some of Hilda’s rules back home look relaxed. Ted kept silent, quietly surveying the situation as the sergeant major stood shouting orders around the yard.

      Those first few days and nights were long and filled with thoughts of what would be going on at home as Hilda served dinner and Maurice whistled along and helped pass the plates before heading to The Cora for ‘just the one’. It was a huge adjustment for Ted. At home he was undoubtedly Hilda’s favourite, but now he was just one of many lads trying to stand out for all the right reasons, although that was hard as, by default, any attention given down the ranks was rarely a positive thing. However, slowly but surely, the McDermott charm began to work its magic, as Ted started to make a real name for himself when it came to giving everything his absolute best.

      Physically he was also one of the fittest – the football training he’d done as a lad with his brothers stood him in good stead for the cross-country circuits, where he repeatedly found himself first back and barely out of breath. Gradually he built up a reputation at the barracks that was identical to the one he had at home – reliable, fun, kind and a great entertainer. The latter became obvious one Saturday night a few weeks after he had joined, when he was asked to sing in front of the officers and their wives at their Christmas party. As he got ready to face the crowd and pulled on his perfectly pressed suit, it was hard not to think back a few years to the night he proudly accompanied Maurice to The Cora. There, Ted had watched his dad closely as he sang away and had the whole audience on their feet.

      Tonight it was his turn. As ever, the crowd seemed to love it.

      Life soon took on a reassuring pattern – being away from his family and Iris was hard, but Ted, ever the one to roll up his sleeves, enjoyed the rigour that Army life brought. He was top of the athletics and cross-country teams and because of his knack of chatting to everyone whenever he could, he made a few good friends at the barracks. A particularly close pal was Freddy Hyde, one of the officers’ chauffeurs. Both men instantly got on. They shared the same sense of humour and enjoyed seeing how far they could push the status quo, a trait that was to reveal itself in more detail as time went on. Ted landed himself a job in the kitchen, quickly deciding that it was a smart place to be as it kept you at the heart of things, as well as giving you access to any leftovers.

      He soon became a firm favourite with both the officers and their wives: whenever there was a do on in the mess, Ted was always invited to sing. But it was the weekends that he lived for – it was his chance to get back to Kent Road to see Iris and the family. The first visit was allowed after he’d been away for a month, as the officers felt it was important for all the lads to bond for a few weeks and get used to their new surroundings. As the day of his visit home approached, Ted felt nervous and excited all at the same time. It felt strange not to speak to his brothers and sisters every day or argue over who was next in line for the bathroom. He knew it wasn’t a very manly thing to admit, but he’d missed his family more than he’d thought possible.

      Back at number 18, the feeling was definitely mutual. Initially it was strange for the younger children to be at home without Ted and they missed the fact he wasn’t there (though after a few nights, they were pleased to have the extra bed to sleep in!). Sleeping arrangements aside, the excitement was palpable the first weekend he came home. They sat by the window all morning waiting to hear the sound of his boots on the path. The minute he put his key in the lock, the younger children pounced on him for hugs.

      Once all the hellos had been exchanged, Ted opened up his bag to reveal treats galore: fruit, butter, cheese and tins of meat. The family couldn’t believe their eyes. Hilda was horrified and shouted at Ted: ‘Get that stuff back in case they catch you!’ but he just laughed and said: ‘Ah Mum, they’ll just throw it out.’ Ever the canny opportunist, Ted could see first-hand how much waste there was in the kitchen. At the end of every shift perfectly good food was thrown out (seemingly for no apparent reason, as it all looked fine to him). As far as he was concerned it wasn’t technically stealing if it was just going in the bin; in fact he was doing a good thing applying the ‘waste not, want not’ principle when food was scarce. And so began the weekly ritual of Ted bringing home all he could to help the household eat, something that seemed to have stuck from childhood, though Hilda often joked that at least he was using a bag now and not his suit pockets.

      Despite living the high life at the barracks during the week, Ted was religious about his trips home. For his second visit he decided to surprise his brother John and his friends, who were all about 10 years old and planning a camping trip in the wood at the back of the garden. They were too proud to admit it, but they were scared – mainly because they had barely unpacked the tent when they heard something outside.

      ‘It was pitch-black when we suddenly heard this sound. We had no idea what it was, but we were terrified. We heard it move about and then stop right in front of our tent. We daren’t move. Anyway, we all eventually fell asleep but when we woke up in the morning and crept outside, there was our Ted, asleep in his Army overcoat, using his rucksack as a pillow. He’d come home and Dad had told him to pop outside and keep an eye on us because we were scared, but he’d slept outside all night to make sure we were OK,’ says John.

      Maurice and Hilda had always drummed into Ted and his younger siblings the importance of behaving well in public. It was something that Ted would pass on to the younger ones whenever he could. As John explains: ‘He was ever so smart. After he started in the Army he would always tell us the importance of dressing well, the importance of how you behaved when you were out. I remember I had a football trial and he spent ages showing me how to press my trousers before I had to go down to the ground. Honest, he was forever looking out for us. I could never see any wrong in him.’

      Ted felt proud to be able to come home and treat the family to some of the finer things in life – he wanted to share everything about his Army experience with them and that included bringing Freddy back to introduce him to the family. Hilda was delighted that her son was bringing an Army friend to the house and went to a lot of trouble to tidy up and prepare a good meal. Everyone was clean and smartly turned out, with Hilda determined they would make a good impression. As usual, they were all hovering by the window waiting for Ted to arrive, when suddenly Hilda gasped: ‘Oh, look at this! What’s this big car doing outside our house?’

      Hilda was momentarily puzzled as to who on earth their visitors could be and what the neighbours would say about this fancy car when she saw Ted’s familiar grin as he slowly wound down the window. Suddenly she shouted: ‘GOOD GOD! They’ll get sent to bloody hell if they get caught.’ Maurice and the kids weren’t quite sure what was going on, as not all of them had seen Ted in the front seat. The next thing there was a knock on the front door and it was Ted and Freddy Hyde, dressed up in suits. They had arrived in the officers’ shiny car, complete with all the flags flying on the front. The younger kids couldn’t believe their eyes and Hilda went berserk as the boys stood outside on the doorstep, laughing wildly.

      Whatever the scenario, Ted always retained a love of a good suit and a few weekends after his first homecoming, he arrived wearing a full tweed outfit, complete with shooting stick from one of the officers. Again, Hilda nearly had a fit when she saw him and screamed: ‘Get that off! You’ll be in the Jankers [Army prison]!’

      But nothing seemed to faze Ted and, pretty much every weekend the officers were away, he’d come home with their best clothes – a different outfit every week – and go out in them to the local clubs, enjoying feeling like a millionaire and having the time of his life. After a few months he even turned up in a full evening suit – black tie, white shirt, even the hat. One of the lads in the Army with Ted says: ‘It sounds bad, but it was all done with the tacit blessing of the officers. They had great fun letting us think that they didn’t know what we’d been up to when we put it all back every Monday morning.’

      It became a regular thing, especially if Ted was taking Iris out on a Saturday night. Once Hilda got over the shock and worry that Ted would end up in jail for stealing, she would get emotional every time she saw her son all dressed up. Maurice was less sentimental about the whole thing and would look up from whatever he was reading to simply say: ‘Teddy Bloody Big Head. Look at him, he acts