target="_blank" rel="nofollow" href="#litres_trial_promo">11th May 1194
Many people believe that the famous English outlaw, Robin Hood, is merely a legendary figure. They argue that he only ever existed as a character in stories, plays and songs.
However, this recently discovered Lost Diary proves beyond doubt that Robin Hood did exist.
The diary is written by Leonard du Somoney, Robin Hood’s financial advisor in Sherwood Forest (presumably his branch manager). It details how Robin Hood became an outlaw. It also provides records of the Third Crusade and inside views of Richard the Lionheart and his brother John.
This diary (like so many other Lost Diaries) was found by Barlow and Skidmore. They were truffle* hunting in Sherwood Forest with their pet pig, Percy, when the pig was drawn towards a giant oak tree. Instead of finding truffles, Percy dug up a pink pottery piggy bank. Breaking open the pig (the pottery one), Barlow and Skidmore discovered the following Lost Diary. There were also hundreds of pages of accounts, but the publishers thought these accounts were far too boring to put in this book (although the company accountant thought they were jolly interesting and made a riveting good read).
Instead, the editors chose the most interesting diary entries for publication. For the first time ever, we have a unique day-to-day record of life in Sherwood Forest, where Robin Hood and his band of outlaws robbed from the rich and gave to the poor. At last, we can see the Merry Man behind the legend.
* A truffle is an expensive fungus, not to be confused with trifle which is not found in forests except after very messy picnics.
I’m starting a new job tomorrow. As a Norman gentleman, and the son of a knight, I shouldn’t have to work at all – but I’m the youngest son, so I don’t get to inherit any money even if there was any, which there isn’t because my dad has spent it all. So when I saw that Earl David of Huntingdon was looking for a Steward, I sent him my reference.
Earl David said he was looking for a crooked, underhand smart-alec to manage the Huntingdon estates. He said I was just the sort of chap he needed (I think he meant that as a compliment). My new boss has got a red face and gout and he does a lot of shouting, but he’s not a bad old buffer.
Now I’m working for an earl, I thought I’d better catch up with what’s been happening to the Royal Family.
The story so far:
King Henry, the Godfather of the Plantagenet clan*, owns the largest kingdom in Europe, stretching from the Scottish borders to the Pyrenees. However, his power-mad sons want a piece of the action. Henry puts his boys on ice and gives them some castles to play with, but locks up his scheming wife Eleanor.
King Henry enters merger talks with the French King Philip Augustus, but his sons fall out. Henry joins John in a boardroom battle against Richard, but then they all get together to fight a hostile takeover bid by King Philip.
Meanwhile, over in the Holy Land**, the Muslims, under their leader Saladin, capture Jerusalem. King Philip, King Henry and Prince Richard patch up their differences and decide to go on a Crusade to recapture the Holy City.
But bitter rivalries surface again. Before they set off, Richard and Philip attack Henry. Wheeler-dealer John also moves in as the vultures gather.
Henry is forced to name Richard as his successor and dies in a very bad mood at Chinon on 6th July 1189.
This week’s episode:
Richard – King of England!
Honestly, these soap operas – they’re getting far too silly. Nothing like this happens in real life!***
* Henry II’s father, Geoffrey, earned the nickname Plantagenet by wearing a sprig of broom in his cap. In Latin, broom was called planta genista. Geddit?
** Land that today includes parts of Syria, the Lebanon, Palestine, Jordan and Israel.
*** Yes it did!
Earl David’s nephew (he hasn’t got any sons) has turned up from Locksley Manor. He’s called Robert, and he’s a right Hooray Henry. He keeps throwing bread rolls about at dinner and shouting “Ripping wheeze, what?” Upper class twit. I suppose he’s harmless enough. He’s getting married next summer to a girl called Marian. Actually, she calls herself “Mawian” as she can’t pronounce her ‘r’s. She keeps saying things like, “Oh, Wobin, you are weally scwumptious!” She always calls him Wobin – sorry, I mean Robin – instead of Robert. It’s a sort of pet name. She’s got a laugh like a donkey with tummyache.
At least Marian has half a brain, which means that the two of them have got about three-quarters of a brain between them. I dread to think what their kids will be like.
We’re waiting for Richard to come over from France to be crowned King, now that his dad’s dead. To pass the time, I’ve been helping young Robert update his Big Boy’s Kings of England Sticker Book.
I’ve been arguing about politics