Avocado
(To the makers of the above concoctions—Guys, you’re kind of missing the entire point! If we wanted something that tasted like an avocado, we’d eat an avocado! Not ice cream. This reminds me of the Saturday Night Live sketch, where the actors are eating ice cream that tastes like yogurt and keep saying, “I can’t believe it’s not yogurt!” How would you sell the stuff on the list above? “I can’t believe it’s not lobster! Twice the fat! Twice the calories! And half the taste.”)
Did You Know? The Japanese eat ice cream made with squid ink. At least you know you’re getting the real thing! (Oops—cancel that. You can’t be sure you’re getting squid. Turns out the ink is sometimes extracted from its cousin the cuttlefish.)
You Look Lovely, but You Smell Awful!
Hair dye in a box for $10 is a modern invention. Years ago, changing your hair color was quite a process. A hairdresser slave in ancient Rome used these items in various combinations for their fickle masters’ tresses: rotten leeches, squid ink, pigeon droppings, bile, and human pee.
Just a Hint of Swine
How about a little bonbon post dinner on your trip to Madrid? Just steer clear of Mantecado de Artesania—along with wheat flour, sugar, and cinnamon, the special after-tapas treat serves up the delectable taste of...pork butter—a fat commonly used for desserts in the land of the sun. You planned to make a pig of yourself at dessert time, not consume one.
“a corpse is meat gone bad. Well and what’s cheese? Corpse of milk.”
—JAMES JOYCE
Loosen Your Zipper
Foie gras literally means “fat liver,” so it may come as no surprise that the delicacy made from goose or duck liver is created by unnaturally inflating the organ through overfeeding, a practice that began in ancient Egypt.
Sloppy Toppings
What’s your favorite pizza topping? If you’re like most Americans, it’s pepperoni. Or maybe bell peppers, mushrooms, or extra cheese. Well, the Japanese are rather unique when it comes to pizza, asking for pizza makers to slide a squid or eel on top.
Did You Know? There are some rather bizarre pizza toppings sliding down the throats of people even closer to home. Besides the usual pepperoni and extra cheese, here are some creative ideas from Recipe Pizza: “The World’s Favorite Pizza Recipe website”: avocado (wrong texture, in our opinion), alfalfa sprouts (too much work), walnuts (maybe on chocolate pizza!), lobster (this sounds messier than even we can imagine)...
Octopus Vulgaris
Television doctor Dr. Oz has a suggestion for viewers who want to cut back on their red meat intake: grilled octopus. Apparently, he grew up on the stuff. He says to boil it with some parsley, tomatoes, and wine then freeze until you’re ready to grill. Serve with a Dijon mustard vinaigrette. Let your guests guess what they’re eating. Then tell them where you got the recipe and that the eight-legged sucker has lots of vitamin B-12. (And the octopus does, too!)
Be an Expert! Disgust is a useful feeling to have—but it may have evolved as a way to keep us from getting sick. Think of the things you’re disgusted by: many of them could carry viruses or bacteria.
Score for Scorpion Lovers
Feeling squeamish about trying scorpion? We were, too, until we found out that the poison is removed from the scorpion’s stinger once it’s been cooked. Ohhhh! Why didn’t you tell us? We would have chowed down on the death stalker years ago. Beijing is full of all kinds of scorpion delights, but you even can get it closer to home. In Los Angeles, the restaurant Typhoon serves it fried on toast, fully intact (except the poison, of course).
Embryonic Delicacy
Your parents may be careful now to buy eggs with lots of qualifiers on the package: organic, vegetarian fed, cage-free chickens, and so on. But there’s one thing that all the eggs we buy and eat have in common—they are unfertilized. The chicken laid them, but before the rooster had a chance to come along and do his part, they were whisked away to our supermarket shelves.
Okay, now that we’ve got that straight cut, let’s cut to a dish called balut, a favorite repast in the Philippines. These eggs have been fertilized! They’re allowed to grow for over a week just as nice as can be until they’re boiled alive and served up fetal style. They’re dead by the time they reach your plate, thankfully (unlike these unfortunate fellows, Nosedive,). Inside the eggshell you’ll find the tiny duck fetus, alongside the yolk. Even if you don’t make it to the Philippines anytime soon, you can give it a try at a restaurant in New York City called Maharlika Filipino Moderno.
Did You Know? Eating raw fish such as salmon can transfer parasites to the consumer that will grow into tapeworms longer than the consumer. Supermarkets are becoming savvier to the process of using tweezers to pick parasites off fish before stocking the shelves. The FDA recommends freezing fish before consuming it raw.
Hungry-Man Dinner
A man once swallowed 53 toothbrushes, two razors—and that wasn’t all. The doctors also found 157 other inedible objects in this man’s stomach at a single time. On the plus side, he was clean-shaven and didn’t have any cavities! Guess picky eaters should stop complaining about being forced to eat a piece or two of broccoli.
Nosedive
Eating raw fish is so last century. But what about eating raw fish that are still alive? People do it. In some countries, it’s considered a special treat. Most live fish going down the hatch are small enough to swallow whole, but the Chinese serve a rather large fish that survives being deep fried in the kitchen and making its way all the way to your plate, where it greets you still alive and breathing. Talk about a lively meal. As the French say, Bon appétit! Or perhaps the Jewish toast is more fitting: La Chaim! (Meaning, to life!)
Feline Dreams
In 2007, surgeons found a ten-pound hairball inside the stomach of a teenager—yet another reason not to groom your cat with your tongue.