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Bigger than Hitler—Better than Christ
Rik Mayall
The Publisher wishes to point out that due to ‘contractual obligations’, the author has exerted his right to insist that the text of Bigger Than Hitler Better Than Christ be reproduced ‘exactly like what has come off my typewriter, right?’
In addition, the Publisher has been prohibited from proof-reading or otherwise editing the author’s text, and as such all mistakes and infelicities are entirely those of The Rik Mayall.
HarperNon-Fiction
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London SE1 9GF
Published by HarperCollinsEntertainment 2006
First published in Great Britain by HarperCollinsEntertainment 2005
Copyright © Rik Mayall 2005
Rik Mayall asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
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Source ISBN: 9780007207282
Ebook Edition © JUNE 2010 ISBN: 9780007375431 Version: 2016-09-15
The Rik Mayall Books (est. 2005)
Give me your hand small ordinary person, and walk with me—for I shall be your guide. You don’t have to worry with me for I shall not give you a quick feel-up or anything like that. For I am nice. And a lot nicer than those other cunts who write books and stuff.
Table of Contents
WHY I WAS NEVER IMPRISONED FOR BEATING ESTHER RANTZEN TO DEATH
HOW TO CREATE EDGE CUTTING TELEVISION PROGRAMMES
ANOTHER BIT OF MY PART IN THE DESTINY OF THE NATION (BRITAIN/BRINGING DOWN THATCH
HOW I DESTROYED BRITISH TELEVISION
PRE-AWARD-WINNING GUEST CHAPTER WRITTEN BY KEVIN TURVEY
SECRETS I WILL NEVER DIVULGE FROM THE BLOOD-SPATTERED TRENCHES OF THE SHOWBUSINESS FRONT LINE
THE GREAT COVENT GARDEN BLOODBATH
ALL MY GREAT SHOWBUSINESS FRIENDS
A NATION CLENCHES ITS BUTTOCKS
BIGGER THAN ADOLF BETTER THAN JESUS
WHAT DOES A MAN WITH A TWO FOOT COCK HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? WELL, THIS MORNING I HAD A BOILED EGG
ONLY SURVIVING PAGES FROM THE SECOND GREATEST BOOK EVER WRITTEN