sorry, okay? But you know how it is with my family.’
‘Yes, I know you’re ashamed of me. That you’ll do anything to stop them knowing we’re in a relationship.’
‘No, it isn’t like that at all. I’ve told you. It’s them. Her especially. You think I like it being like this? Keeping our relationship a secret? Shoving you in the garden shed to hide when she shows up unexpectedly?’
As soon as Francelia left, all hell broke loose between Alice and Kevin. They’ve taken their row to the kitchen, but I can still hear every single word of it.
And yes, Alice did once shove Kevin in the garden shed to hide when Francelia rocked up out of the blue. It was the middle of December and he hadn’t been prepared enough to layer up. He’d emerged looking like Jack Frost after Francelia’s two-hour visit.
‘I really don’t know, Alice, because this sort of thing doesn’t happen in my world. If you love somebody, you don’t hide it.’
‘I don’t want to hide it. I want to tell the whole world how crazy I am about you. How much I love you, but I’m scared I’ll lose you if I tell them.’
‘You couldn’t lose me. I wouldn’t let it happen.’
‘You don’t know them. Not like I do. It wouldn’t be the first relationship she’d ruined. She wouldn’t let it rest. She’d keep at it, chipping away, until she’d driven a wedge between us.’
‘I wouldn’t let her.’
‘You don’t understand.’
‘No, I really don’t.’ There’s a moment of silence. I hope Kevin hasn’t stormed out of the back door, though I could understand if he has. It can’t be easy for him. ‘But I love you, and if I have to hide out in the shed every time your stepmum visits, then so be it. You could at least slip my coat in there with me next time though.’
There’s another block of silence, but this time I know Kevin hasn’t removed himself from our kitchen. They’ll be snogging like a pair of horny teenagers in there. They’re a very touchy-feely couple, which is unsettling when I have to face Kevin in the staffroom during term time.
‘So, I thought we could go shopping tomorrow.’ Alice has breezed back into the living room after her smooch sesh as though it’s a forgone conclusion that I’m attending Carolyn’s wedding. That I’m as thrilled as she is at the invite. ‘I know you have some lovely dresses, but we’ll be sitting down to formal dinners most evenings so you won’t manage with your staple three. But it’ll be fun, and my treat, of course.’
‘Alice.’ I hold up a hand to silence my friend as she continues to go on about tomorrow’s shopping trip. ‘I’m not entirely comfortable about gatecrashing your sister’s wedding. I barely know Carolyn. I’ve only met her a handful of times!’
‘That’s a handful more times than I’ve met her,’ Kevin – unhelpfully – calls from the kitchen.
Alice and I both decide to ignore him.
‘You won’t be gatecrashing anything.’ Alice picks up the invitation from where I’d shoved it on the coffee table during the lovers’ tiff in the kitchen. ‘You’ve been invited.’ She waggles the invite at me. ‘Besides, it’s the perfect place for you to meet your Prince Charming.’
Alice is grinning. I am not.
‘My Prince Charming? What are you talking about?’
‘Your perfect guy. Your Mr Right. Whatever you want to call him.’ Alice gives a wave of her hand. ‘Weddings are the perfect place to meet men, and this one is taking place in a castle.’ Alice leaves that hanging in the air for a moment, as though she’s just played her ace card.
I pluck the invitation from her fingers and frisbee it back towards the coffee table. ‘Meet my Prince Charming?’ Ugh. The idea alone makes me itch. ‘I’m not some feeble little princess waiting to be rescued. I’m a strong, independent woman.’
‘Except when you need me to catch spiders,’ Kevin calls – again unhelpfully – from the kitchen. I swear to God…
Deep breaths, Emily. Ignore him. Concentrate on Alice and this ridiculous notion of being rescued by a man.
‘How can you call yourself a feminist with this attitude?’
Alice looks at me, one eyebrow quirked. ‘I buy underwear for a living so women can look hot for the opposite sex. We may claim it’s about empowering women and all that tosh, but it’s for the menfolk. I ask myself that question every single day.’ Alice throws up her hands. ‘I haven’t found the answer yet. Besides, I need rescuing. I don’t want to go to this wedding on my own. It’s a whole week, Emily. A whole week with that woman telling me I’m useless and a disappointment and a thief.’
‘A what?’ Why on earth would Francelia accuse Alice of being a thief?
Alice rolls her eyes and gives a wave of her hand. ‘It’s a long story. Not important. The important part is she’s going to make my life a misery for the whole week.’ She adopts a snarky tone to say, ‘If you haven’t found yourself a boyfriend by now, it’s probably too late.’
‘There’s a solution for that last one,’ Kevin calls.
‘Shut up!’ Alice and I shout. She turns her focus back on me, taking both my hands in hers.
‘Please, Emily.’ Her eyes are wide, her lips slightly quivering. ‘Please don’t leave me to deal with Francelia on my own.’
I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to spend a week at this castle, surrounded by love and romance and the promise of happily ever afters. I want to stay here, where it’s safe. Where I can snuggle up on the sofa with Carrot purring on my chest while I watch crappy, comforting TV.
‘Carrot,’ I say, almost jumping out of my seat as I’m jolted by the realisation. By the ‘get out of jail free’ card. ‘We can’t leave Carrot here on his own. Who’ll feed him? Let him outside? Keep him company?’
‘Kevin will.’ Alice is quick as a flash with her answer. There’s no hesitation. No pondering. How long has she been planning this?
‘Excuse me?’ Kevin is at the living room door now, a mixture of outrage and bemusement on his face. ‘I’ll do what?’
‘You’ll stay here and look after Carrot.’ Alice pouts at her boyfriend and I swear to God she’s fluttering her eyelashes. ‘Won’t you? Pretty please?’
‘So let me get this straight.’ Kevin steps into the room, standing in front of Alice with his arms folded. ‘You two go off and spend a week in a luxurious castle, having fun and getting pissed on champagne, and I have to stay here like Cinderella?’
‘I wouldn’t quite put it like that…’
‘I would.’
Alice pulls Kevin down onto her lap, winding her arms around his waist and resting her cheek on his chest. ‘I will love you for ever and ever if you do.’
Kevin sighs and I know the git is going to crack. ‘Fine. I’ll stay here and look after Carrot. My flatmate’s doing my head in playing his grime at top volume anyway. It’ll be a nice break.’
‘So you’re just going to throw me to the lions, Cinders?’ I glare at the spineless toad. I know I can just say no to Alice, refuse to go to this stupid wedding, but I also know I won’t. Alice is my best friend and I won’t leave her at the mercy of Francelia and her vicious tongue. Alice has always been there for me, especially over the past year, so I have to be there for her too.
‘If I’m Cinderella,’ Kevin says as he hops up off Alice’s lap and wanders towards the door, ‘does that make you two the ugly sisters?’
He has the good sense to duck