happy to revert to The Lady Lydia Fortescue. But her family are also the Earls of Barbary. Between you and me – they probably make it up as they go along.’ Douglas could see that Stella was too confused to speak. It didn’t matter, really. ‘Anyway, she was rather taken with the recommendation given to her by Mrs Benton whose cottage you sold. That’s all I know.’
‘I see.’ But Stella didn’t.
‘I don’t know what it’s about – she wouldn’t say. But she owns other properties in Long Dansbury – some would say she owns the entire village. And the villagers too.’
* * *
Friday night. Stella reached across to the bedside table to check the time. Saturday morning, really, at just gone two. The working week done, the weekend upon her. A cup of tea with Jo and her daughters after Will’s football club in the morning, Sunday lunch at her mum’s with any number of the extended family. Perhaps the new Pixar movie after that – she might treat herself and Will to a 3D showing. Where had she put the 3D glasses after their last outing? And why it was suddenly so important to find them, at silly o’clock, just then? She left her bed and tiptoed into Will’s room, smiling at his fidget and gruffle when she leant over to kiss him. She peered into his toy box but knew the glasses were unlikely to be there. Still, though, she sat in his room, on the floor, her back to his bed, awhile longer. The most peaceful place in the world.
Downstairs she went, to look through the odds-and-sods drawer in the kitchen before having a satisfying flashback and going to the coat rack. There were the glasses, in the pocket of her Puffa. It made her realize how long it had been since their last trip to the cinema. It made her realize how much warmer the weather had become, that this billowing black padded mainstay of colder climes hadn’t been worn since. She tried on each pair of glasses, then buffed the lenses as best she could before placing them, side by side, on the radiator cover near the front door. It was as if Buddy Holly and Elvis Costello had come to visit and left their specs there.
Stella went back to bed. Briefly.
She said to herself, you’re seeing Jo tomorrow, remember? Remember what she said? Remember what you’d planned?
It was useless. Sleep would elude her while that envelope remained under her bed. She tried to flatter herself that it was a Princess and the Pea scenario. Actually, the envelope was inside the old canvas and leather suitcase, in which she’d kept all her secrets and treasures since adolescence. She pulled the case out, unbuckled the straps and jostled the slightly warped lid away. She could lose herself in teenage love letters and the doodles in her Rough Book from school. She could distract herself with old photos and hark back to the days when camera film was sent off to BonusPrint and returned fourteen days later as unique memories preserved on Kodak paper – not stored on an iPhone and randomly scrolled through, in little. She could do any of these things, while away time until she was tired enough to put it all back in the case and clamber into bed. But that envelope had put up some kind of impenetrable barrier between the Stella sitting cross-legged on the floor of her bedroom at thirty-four years old and the youthful Stella epitomized by all the keepsakes in the case. Halt! Who goes there! Access denied!
It’s me.
It’s Stella.
Let me in – I want my life back.
So she opened the envelope at half past two. She remarked to herself, as she did so, that the tacky adhesive could close against itself easily enough, if she lost her nerve or if she wanted Jo to think she hadn’t opened it. But when it tore a little, in the last inch or so, she acknowledged she’d gone past the point of no return. She felt inside. A paper clip holding a compliment slip against just a few pages, A4 size. She knew the paper clip would be pink or red or orange. Something bright and certainly not steely. And the compliment slip would have a handwritten personal message on it. She knew the essence of what would be on the sheets behind it – just not the precise wording.
It’s just going to say what it is.
It can’t say anything else.
You know what it is.
You asked for it.
She slipped the contents out and in one movement, took off the paper clip (turquoise) and gave a cursory glance to the slip of paper (handwriting in red pen with some kind of doodle in the lower right-hand corner – how lucky she was to have such a sweet-natured solicitor). To one side, she placed a page which was a letter. In her lap, face up, lay a certificate over the other pages. She read it in an instant, absorbing all the information in the blink of an eye and then, immediately, read it again, out loud sotto voce, into the stillness of her bedroom.
‘Certificate of making Decree Nisi Absolute (Divorce).’
The type was tiny – as if the words were shameful and should be read in a whisper.
Underneath this, the font was much larger and in upper case. Stella raised her voice a little, accordingly.
‘IN THE HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE
PRINCIPAL REGISTRY OF THE FAMILY DIVISION.’
She reverted to a lower tone for the next part, as it was in the same point size as the first.
‘Matrimonial cause proceeding in Principal Registry treated by virtue of section 42 of the Matrimonial and Family Proceedings Act 1984 as pending in a divorce county court.’
She looked at the next part quietly before clearing her voice.
‘Between Stella Ruth Hutton Petitioner
and Charles John Taylor Respondent
She read to herself again, before repeating it out loud.
Whereby it was decreed that the marriage solemnized …
At St Peter’s Church, St Albans
Between the petitioner and the respondent be dissolved
‘Dissolved,’ said Stella. Thinking of soluble aspirin. Of tears. Wondering if destroyed or deconstructed or even dismembered were better words.
Out into the night she continued to read aloud. ‘… final and absolute … said marriage was thereby dissolved. Dated this 13th day of April.’
There were notes but Stella just skimmed these again. The type was small, the language dense and the content non-personal. The information she’d needed to see in black and white, that she needed to hear herself say, that she’d applied for all that time ago because it was the right thing to do, the only thing to do, had sunk in. It coursed through her blood like anaesthetic. She was surprised to simply feel numbness, not pain. She felt flat and it was bizarre. She’d assumed that in spite of it all she’d be upset, yet the tears she’d anticipated didn’t come. Instead, her eyes were kept busy by the majestic, circular red crest of the court’s stamp, with its emblem of lion and unicorn, just overlapping the words ‘absolute’ and ‘dissolved’.
Divorced.
It is done. It is gone. I am a divorcee.
It was final, confirmed, official, legally binding. It was what she wanted but still, it was so blunt. Yet it didn’t hurt her – there wasn’t pain the way there’d been pain when she’d left Charlie. She just felt tired. Very very tired. As exhausted as if she’d scaled a mountain she’d spent so long in training for. She could sleep now. And when she woke, she’d take in the view that daylight would bring, of all that stretched ahead.
Chapter Seven
With a dog under one arm and three-year-old Sonny wriggling under the other, Caroline Rowland manoeuvred the buggy with her foot so it didn’t block the entrance to the Spar. She then plonked the dog beside it with a look that said Stay – Or Else, and into the shop she went, managing to buy only what she’d come in for and cajole Sonny into thinking the dried apricots were his idea of a snack.
Caroline