for running out on someone who’d asked for help. She put her hand on the door to go back inside but something stopped her. The desperation of the situation was clear to see and it was as if she was looking at herself in the mirror – but all Casey wanted to do was run.
CHAPTER NINE
It was four thirty the following Wednesday and Casey had slept most of the last few days away. Walking in on Lola and going to sobriety meetings in the evening had taken it out of her, and as much as she hated being in the flat, she’d rather sleep than watch the minutes slowly tick by emphasising her struggle to abstain from drinking. What she really needed was to try to take her mind off it. She remembered the club Whispers had a comedy spot on most nights and even though she knew she’d have to stay strong not to drink, Casey decided having a laugh would be more helpful than lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. The sign said it didn’t open until seven o’clock, so Casey settled on the cafe four doors away. It was in these quiet moments she found the unwelcome memories came knocking; today they also had her reaching for her mobile phone. The phone on the other end rang twice before it was answered by a man with a deep voice.
‘Hello?’
Casey didn’t speak for a moment but held her breath, trying to calm the pounding of her heart. The silence on the phone caused the person on the other end to repeat their question.
‘Hello?’
‘Hello Josh.’
‘Casey! Oh god it’s good to hear from you. How are you? Why haven’t you called before?’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘If it wasn’t for the postcard you sent me I wouldn’t have known you were alive, eighteen months is a long time, Cass. Are you sure you’re okay?’
‘I’m doing okay. I’ve been to a meeting.’
‘I’m glad. Wow, sorry it’s just such a shock to hear from you. Where are you?’
‘In London.’
There was an awkward pause before Casey heard Josh tentatively speak again.
‘Have you done anything about it yet? About … well you know.’
‘No not yet. Funny, I’ve waited all this time but now I can’t quite find the courage to go.’
‘Be careful Cass; I don’t want you to get disappointed … or hurt. It was so long ago, they might not even live there now. I don’t think you should Cass. Maybe you should let sleeping dogs lie.’
‘Anyone would think you don’t want me to find him.’
‘It’s not that … It’s just …’ Josh trailed off and Casey spoke impatiently wanting to find out what he was going to say.
‘Just what?’
‘Nothing, listen forget I said anything.’
‘I know you’re worried but for all the tourists and the craziness Soho is a tight-knit community; if they’re not there, I’m sure someone will remember them and even know where they’ve gone.’
Casey listened to Josh breathe on the other end of the phone. She knew him well, but then she should do; after all, she was married to him. She knew his silence was that of a person with a difference of opinion, but he was too diplomatic – or too sensible – to say anything.
They’d met at a wedding but it hadn’t been love at first sight; if she were truthful she hadn’t thought much about him at all. They’d spent the evening sitting next to each other in a huge draughty hall as they toasted the happy couple who she knew through her cousin. Josh had talked about his work and asked her polite questions which she gave the shortest of answers to. She’d been civil but aloof, but Josh had persisted.
‘Would you like to dance?’
She hadn’t, but she’d been unable to think of a good excuse before he’d got up and put out his hand for her to take. Even though it’d been their first dance, Casey couldn’t recall what song had been played – she’d stopped being sentimental the day she’d given birth; there was no room in her heart for it. What she had felt was a feeling of safety as he held her in his arms. For the first time in her life she’d felt secure. Three weeks later he’d asked her to marry him and she’d not hesitated in saying yes, hoping saying, ‘I do’ would fix the gaping hole in her heart and fill the void from losing her child.
‘Casey? Are you listening? I think you should be careful.’
Josh interrupted her thoughts and she returned her focus to the conversation on the phone.
‘Thanks for your concern; I’ll be fine.’
She could hear the tightness in her voice although she didn’t mean it to be there; she had no quarrel with Josh; he’d done nothing wrong. He was a kind, warm, sensitive man who’d tried to look after her and heal her wounds. She shouldn’t have married him and he was better off without her.
‘Bye Josh.’
‘Keep in touch, Cass, and think about what I said.’
Casey clicked off the phone and was suddenly startled by a man standing in front of her.
‘Can I get you another one; or maybe something stronger?’
Casey quickly wiped away her tears which seemed to spring to her eyes all too easily these days for her liking; she felt embarrassed being caught at a vulnerable moment.
Her answer was delayed as she looked at the tall well-built man with a wind-tanned complexion, dark brown hair with slices of grey running through it and intense green eyes. He was undoubtedly very handsome. The prospect of something stronger than her lukewarm coffee was also tempting, but she declined the offer.
‘My name’s Vaughn by the way.’
‘Casey.’
She gave him a small smile and Vaughn was knocked sideways by her beauty.
‘Did you manage to get in safely the other night?’
Vaughn Sadler watched as a blank expression came over her face. It was still niggling away at him – he was positive he knew Casey from somewhere, but hopefully it’d come to him.
He could tell she had no idea what he was talking about and he contemplated explaining how he’d helped her pick up her keys, but quickly he decided against it, in case the boy Alfie had given a seeing to had opened his mouth and talked to the hospital. That was of course if he was still alive.
If the filth were sniffing around, it would be foolhardy of Vaughn to admit he’d been anywhere near the building. He didn’t want to get fingered for something he didn’t do; and if he did get collared, it wasn’t as if he’d squeal on Alfie. With his form, they’d throw the book at him before you could say Jack The Hat McVitie.
‘Let me get you another coffee then.’ Casey nodded and wished she hadn’t given up smoking.
Whispers Comedy Club was starting to get busy by the time Casey and Vaughn had arrived. They’d talked for over an hour, with neither one of them divulging anything personal.
‘Tell me about yourself; I’m intrigued why a young lady like you is on her own.’
‘There’s nothing really to tell; and I’m not that young. What about you?’
‘Oh, I lead a very dull life.’
It was apparent to both of them that they were each hiding things but neither said anything, and neither pushed any further.
Alfie watched Vaughn chatting away from the stool at the bar; he recognised she was the woman who’d been looking at the board outside the club the other day. He never forgot a face; especially one that had distracted him from his show-night nerves. She was laughing, obviously enjoying the attention of his friend, and for some reason