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HarperCollins Children’s Books An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd. 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF
First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books 2000
Text copyright © Jean Ure 2000
Illustrations copyright © Karen Donnelly 2000
The author and illustrators assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrators of this work
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
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Source ISBN: 9780006751502
Ebook Edition © NOVEMBER 2012 ISBN: 9780007439690 Version: 2016-12-02
For Henrietta (We made each other laugh) and for my friend Mark Alexander (also known as Ranny Arbuckle …)
Contents
B stands for boob and also for breast
K is for knockers and Knickers
P is for pimples, in other words, spots
Q is a letter that’s followed by U
About the Publisher
Some people keep diaries: I am going to keep an alphabet! I am going to do two letters a week, starting from Monday. (The beginning of the spring term.) For every letter, I am going to write a poem. Some of them may be quite rude; it depends how I’m feeling. In between the poems I shall write down chunks of everyday life. My life! All the things that are happening to me, and especially with girls. If by the time I reach Z I still have not done it, I shall most probably go out and shoot myself.
Or drown myself, as I don’t have a gun.
Or swallow fifty-eight bottles of aspirin, or hurl myself madly in front of a train, or tell Kelvin Clegg he’s a dork and get myself totalled.
I have got to have done it before then!
When I say done it, I mean kissed someone.
When I say someone, I mean – a girl!
When I say kiss, I mean – KISS! Not just a peck on the cheek. Though as a matter of fact, I haven’t even done that. I am twelve years old and I haven’t even pecked a girl on the cheek!
I am seriously worried that there may be something wrong with me. It surely can’t be normal to have reached the age of twelve and never kissed a girl? Even Bones has done it!