“Amalia?” he muttered my name as usual, never to be said with full strength. But something was different this time. He wasn’t using the familiar judgmental tone I had become accustomed to.
“At the end of it all, it’s just you you’re left with,” he continued. “Some people say life is short, and there’s no denying that.” He glanced down at the picture on his desk for a moment, taking a deep breath in the process. “But life is also long.” He looked up from the photo, and his eyebrows popped up like two arrows on his forehead. “Too long to choose a path that will lead you nowhere. Much too long not to follow your heart.”
As he took a step closer to me, I could feel tears forming in the back of my eyes. But it didn’t matter. I was stronger now. But still not strong enough to know what to say.
“I wish I had known sooner,” he muttered in a near-whisper. “But you still have time. You have a choice.”
Didn’t I always? But when have I chosen wisely? I could feel the side of my lip pulling my face into a grimace. He didn’t seem to notice.
“Don’t choose poorly,” he shook his head. If I looked close enough, I could see the sparkle of tears beginning to form in his brown eyes.
I turned my head away and reached for the door, but it was no use. His words had already penetrated something deep inside me. Perhaps it was something I had known all along.
I could almost hear Autumn’s voice gloating in my head.
In psychology this is referred to as a “breakthrough.”
“Amalia, wait!” Hayden called out from behind me. I could hear his voice cracking with distress beneath each syllable.
Despite his unease, probably brought on by chasing me in a foot pursuit, he was handling himself pretty well. Unlike me, his breath seemed perfectly in sync. I guess that’s the difference between a well-toned, six-foot-something guy running, and a five-foot five-inch girl who hasn’t been to the gym since 2010. I took a small moment to commend myself on not being a smoker and wondered how Olivia would he holding up in the exact same situation.
Although something told me Olivia wouldn’t be running through the crowded streets of midtown to get away from Alex. Or maybe she would, she did run away during the NYU dinner and that was in the financial district. Come to think of it, I never asked her why she did that. I assumed it was because of something Alex had done, or said, to her.
That seemed like a lifetime ago.
Not really paying attention to where I was headed, I somehow managed to run, in high heels no less, right into the middle of the most heavily populated area in Manhattan. Times Square.
Jackpot.
It was mean, I know. But he was following me, and I had to lead him somewhere he wouldn’t be able to catch up with me. I had to do something harsh, something drastic.
I had to get him to hate me.
Bustles of children with their parents zipped around me as the giant flashing billboards with advertisements for Broadway shows suddenly distracted me and had me wondering if I, in fact, would somehow get trapped in one of these novelty stores for the next two hours. Or, at least, until Hayden stopped chasing me.
“Amalia!” he puffed out. “Please!” Traces of panic and panting tickled his voice.
He was getting closer. I picked up the pace and accidentally collided with a street artist making caricatures of a neighboring couple. I slowed my speed to regain my footing, all the while observing their unspoken comfort with one another. Even with me literally crashing through their afternoon activities, they laughed it off and held hands. I mumbled that I was sorry and I shook my head, while tears threatened to spill out of my already puffy eyes.
I dodged past yet another crowd of people dressed warmly in heavy down coats, laughing, ignoring the punishing cold of February in the city. My favorite magenta-colored wool scarf had flown off my neck a few blocks back. But as cold as it was, I was drenched in sweat from my sprint. Finally, I stopped running and ducked behind the large red staircase pavilion: a hideous eyesore in Times Square that opened in 2008. I couldn’t believe how thankful I was to see it right at this very moment. The giant bleacher-like structure allowed tourists to have a seat and take in the scenery. But right now, I wanted to let it all out. Force it all out. Everything I was feeling. I ducked further down, my skinny jeans stretching in all the wrong places as I uncomfortably made myself smaller. I took a deep breath, which sounded somewhere in between a gasp and a sob, and pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes. I knew I seemed like a crazy person, but better he thought that than continued to see me as perfect.
Perfect.