“I had to let her in because I’m betting Becca will be going to the OR ASAP.”
“Of course you did,” Raine said, but her voice sounded far away, as if she was speaking through a long tunnel. She’d wanted to be busy, but maybe she’d been overconfident. Maybe she wasn’t ready for the trauma room just yet. Maybe she should have stayed longer in the minor care area of the ED, where they didn’t deal with anything remotely serious.
Her eyes burned and she fought the need to cry right along with Mari. She turned away, to give them some privacy and to pull herself together. She went over to the computer to look up Becca’s most recent labs.
“Raine? Are you all right?” Caleb asked, coming up to the computer workstation.
“Of course.” She subtly loosened her grip on the edge of the desk and forced herself to meet his gaze, hoping he couldn’t tell how emotionally fragile she was. It was far too tempting to lean on Caleb’s strength. To confide in him. If things had been different…
But they weren’t. Reminding herself that she needed to find her own strength to work through her past, she waved a hand at the computer screen. “Did you see these latest results? Her electrolytes are way out of whack.”
He gave her an odd look, but then nodded. “Get her prepped for the OR. Dr. Lambert wants her up there ASAP.”
“Okay.” Raine abandoned her computer and jumped to her feet. She hurried over to Becca’s bedside and told Amy and Mari the news.
Within moments she and Amy transported Becca up to the OR, releasing her into the hands of the neurosurgeons. There was nothing else they could do for now but wait.
Raine tried to push Becca’s fate out of her mind since she and Caleb had done everything she could for the patient. But concentrating on her job wasn’t easy. Especially when she could feel Caleb’s gaze following her as she worked.
She could tell he wanted to talk. The very thought filled her with dread. She couldn’t talk to him now, no matter how much she wished she could.
It was too late. She’d missed her chance to take his calls weeks ago. Better now to focus her energy on moving forward rather than rehashing the past.
What she and Caleb had once shared was over.
“Dr. Stewart?” He glanced up when Raine called his name. “I think you’d better check Mrs. Ambruster’s chest X-ray. Her breathing has gotten dramatically worse.”
Caleb scowled at the formal way she addressed him. They’d dated for almost two months, had shared more than one passionate kiss. He knew it was his fault that she’d requested a break from their relationship but, still, hadn’t they moved well beyond the Dr. Stewart stage?
“Sure.” A surge of regret washed over him. Seeing Raine again made him realize he’d never gotten over her. Not completely. If only he’d handled things differently. If only he hadn’t been such an ass.
He’d heard she’d moved over to the minor care area because she’d needed a break from Trauma. He knew full well she’d really needed a break from him.
And he’d missed working with her, more than he’d wanted to acknowledge.
He gave himself a mental shake. This wasn’t the time or the place. He crossed over to the patient, who had come in with vague flu-like symptoms that he was beginning to suspect was something much more complicated. Using the closest computer terminal, he pulled up the patient’s chest X-ray. Raine was right, the patient’s breathing must be severely compromised as the X-ray looked far worse. He suspected the large shadow was a tumor and likely the cause of a massive infiltrate on the right side of her lungs, but she would need more of a work-up to be sure. “How much O2 do you have her on?”
“Six liters.”
He frowned. “Crank her up to ten liters per minute and prepare for a thoracentisis.”
Raine did as he asked, although he noticed she gave him a wide berth whenever he came too close.
He was troubled by the way Raine was acting. He regretted the way he’d overreacted that night and had tried to call her several times to apologize but she hadn’t returned his calls. Did she still blame him? Was it impossible for her to forgive him?
Seeing her tonight brought his old feelings back to the surface. Along with the same sexual awareness that had shimmered between them from the very first time they’d met.
But as much as that sensation was still there, something was off. He’d noticed right from the start of their shift how her usual enthusiasm was missing. Maybe it was just the seriousness of their domestic violence patient, but they’d shared tough shifts before. Somehow this was different, especially the way she seemed to avoid him whenever he came too close.
Maybe she was worried he’d ask her out again. And he had to admit, the thought had crossed his mind. More than once. Sure, he’d made a stupid mistake before, but didn’t he deserve a second chance?
Apparently, Raine wasn’t willing to grant him one.
He turned to their elderly patient, focusing on the procedure he needed to do. He put on a face mask and then donned sterile gown and gloves, while Raine prepped the patient. He lifted the needle and syringe in his hand and gently probed the space between the fourth and fifth ribs. He numbed the area with lidocaine and then picked up the longer needle used to aspirate the fluid. Slowly, he advanced the needle.
He hit the pocket of fluid and held the needle steady while the site drained. Once he’d taken off almost a liter of fluid, their patient’s oxygen saturation improved dramatically.
“Place a dressing over this site, would you?” he asked Raine. “And we need to send a sample of this fluid to Pathology.” Stepping back, he stripped off his sterile garb. Once she’d gotten the specimens sent to the lab and the patient cleaned up, he went back in to talk to the husband and wife.
“Mrs. Ambruster, I’m afraid your chest X-ray shows something abnormal and I believe whatever is going on is causing fluid to build up in your lungs.”
The elderly couple exchanged a look of dismay. “What is it? Cancer?” her husband asked.
Caleb didn’t want to lie but at the same time he didn’t honestly know for certain what the problem was. He was impressed by the mutual love and respect this elderly couple displayed toward each other, something missing from his own family life. He tried to sound positive. “That is one possibility but there are others that could be less serious. I’m not a thoracic surgeon, but I’d like to refer you to one. I can arrange for you to see someone first thing in the morning if you’re willing.”
The Ambrusters agreed and he made the arrangements with the thoracic surgery resident. By the time he wrote the discharge orders for Mrs. Ambruster, the oncoming shift had arrived.
He was free to go home. But he didn’t want to leave, not without talking to Raine.
He found her in the staff lounge, but stopped short when he realized she was crying. Immediately concerned, he rushed over. “Raine? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She quickly swiped at her eyes, as if embarrassed by her display of emotion.
“Raine, please. Talk to me.” He couldn’t hide the desperate urgency in his voice.
There was a slight pause, and he found himself holding his breath when she finally brought her tortured gaze up to meet his. “Becca died. She never made it out of surgery.”
Caleb grimaced beneath a wave of guilt. Here he’d been worried about himself when Raine was grieving over their patient. “I’m sorry, Raine. I didn’t know.”
“Doesn’t matter. We did what we could.”
The despair in her tone tugged at his heart. He wanted to reach out to her, but knew he’d given up that privilege when he’d accused her of cheating on him.
He