You only have four weeks left. Scotty arrived ten days early.”
I know. I know it all.
“That doesn’t leave much room for a party, dear.”
The time had come to drop her bombshell. Her gaze clung to Julie’s for moral support.
“You’re right, Reba, but my doctor says it’s too late to fly anywhere now.”
Her sister broke into a smile and gave her a thumbs-up. Before her mother-in-law could react, Laurel decided to get it all said. It was long past time.
“Realistically speaking, I won’t be able to travel anywhere until after my delivery. Why don’t we plan on a shower once I’ve had my six week checkup in May? I’ll fly out with the baby and take turns staying with you and Mom.”
“But that’s months away! I don’t understand you, Laurel. You’ve changed since the funeral. Have you stopped loving us?”
She closed her eyes tightly. “Of course not, Reba. I’ll always love you and Wendell. You’re my baby’s grandparents.”
“But you don’t want to be around us.” Underlying her mother-in-law’s accusation, Laurel felt her pain.
She put her feet to the floor and sat up. “It isn’t that. But I’ve had to face the fact that Scott’s never coming back.”
Those words needed to be said. She’d heard other pilots’ widows say them after the healing process had begun. Now she was able to say them herself.
“I’ve found that being away from reminders of him has made this period easier to bear. Being with Julie and her family in new surroundings—knowing my baby is almost here—everything’s helped me get over the worst of my grief.”
It was true. Six months ago she hadn’t thought it possible.
Julie’s eyes turned suspiciously bright.
“What about our family’s pain? Did you ever consider how much we’ve needed you?”
“Yes.” She swallowed hard. “The only thing that’s helped me in that regard was knowing you and Wendell still have each other and your other children and grandchildren for comfort.”
“So you’re cutting us out of your life. Is that it?”
“You know that’s not true! I told you I’ll come for a visit in May.”
“And then what?”
That was a good question, one for which Laurel had no answer.
“I don’t know yet.” She eyed her sister once more. “In the meantime, I’m in the happiest place I could be while I wait for this baby.”
It was Julie and her husband, Brent, who’d understood Laurel’s need for space—and for different surroundings—while she grieved.
Of her three married sisters, Julie, the oldest, was the one with whom Laurel had always felt a special bond. Over the years they’d kept in almost constant touch through phone calls, e-mails and the occasional visit when she and Scott were stationed in Okinawa and in Spain.
To her undying gratitude, they’d told her they were taking her back to Colorado with them where Brent worked for a nationwide telecommunications company. Their two-story colonial house in Aurora had more than enough room for her and their boys.
Coming on the heels of Scott’s funeral, their offer had rescued Laurel from the Pierces, whose well-meaning attention was suffocating her. She didn’t think she would have survived otherwise.
“Please try to understand, Reba. Please be happy that you’re going to be grandparents again very soon. Scott would want it this way.”
“Our son would be shocked to know his wife has purposely stayed away from us.”
It was no use. Laurel couldn’t make her understand that it was too soon to be around his family with all the attendant memories.
“I’m sorry you feel hurt. That’s not my intent.”
She heard Reba gearing up for the next volley. “When you’re a mother, maybe then you’ll begin to understand. I think it might be better if we don’t talk for a few days.”
“I’ll call you soon. I promise.”
“I don’t think you realize how much you’ve changed, Laurel. You’re not the same girl our son fell in love with.” There was a click.
I’m not a teenager anymore, Reba.
Laurel had married Scott as soon as she’d graduated from high school. Her plans to become an elementary school teacher had to be put on hold to accommodate his career. She’d been a very young bride, too young to recognize what life in the military really meant. Scott never gave it a thought. Being a top gun provided him with the continual thrills and excitement he craved.
He’d been the youngest of five children, all of whom were now married and living in or near Philadelphia. With hindsight, Laurel could see that his parents had never gotten over losing him to the Air Force.
It was a case of arrested development on their part, she decided. They were the proud parents of an outstanding son who’d left home too soon. They were stuck in the past.
Laurel couldn’t help them with that.
It was the reason she didn’t want to live around them on a permanent basis. Nothing was going to restore Scott to life. She refused to let her child become the focus of their unassuaged longing to have their son back.
Primarily because of that, she hadn’t let the ultrasound technician tell her the sex of her baby.
Secretly she was praying for a girl. A sweet little girl who wouldn’t be the embodiment of the son they’d doted on before Scott left home.
Scotty, their thrill-seeking, daredevil son. Scotty, who’d taken Laurel’s heart on a roller-coaster ride around the world before it all came to a screeching halt decades sooner than they’d expected.
“Laurel?” her sister said. “Are you all right?”
Suddenly back in the present, she turned off the phone and stood up. “No,” she said in a quiet voice. “It was awful. I hated hurting her.”
“But you had to do it.” Julie hugged her as best she could, considering Laurel’s pregnancy. “I’m proud of you.”
“I’m pretty proud of myself. When I first met Scott’s mother, I couldn’t imagine ever talking to her the way I just did. I love his parents a lot, but they have this way of taking over, you know?”
Her sister winked. “That’s probably why Scott went into the Air Force.”
“You mean to get away from them?” Soon after she’d married Scott, the same thought had crossed Laurel’s mind, but she would never have voiced it aloud.
“Maybe. If you’ve noticed, the rest of their children haven’t been as courageous.”
“That’s because they didn’t inherit Scott’s genes.”
“Nope. He came into this world with attitude.”
In spades.
That was probably why the guys in his squadron had nicknamed him Spade. When he walked into a room, he energized it. According to his parents he’d always been that way. They would never overcome their loss.
She bit her lip. “Julie—I know I’ve been a burden to you and Brent. Maybe—”
“Oh, no, you don’t!” her sister cut in before she could walk out of the room. “Reba’s made you feel guilty again. I’m not listening to any of this,” she called over her shoulder.
Laurel had to hurry to catch up with her. She followed her through the door to the kitchen. Brent was just coming in