Dylan knew that he’d never respect himself again if he took it—if he did what his mother had done, and dumped all his responsibilities on someone else. If he ignored a child who needed him.
‘I know it isn’t what Pete and Ally wanted,’ Emmy said, clearly oblivious to the turmoil in Dylan’s head. ‘But it’s not fair to keep uprooting Tyler, just to suit ourselves.’
‘He’s a baby. He’s not even going to notice his surroundings,’ Dylan said.
‘Actually, he is. And if we did alternate weeks he’d have to get used to two different sets of rules, two different atmospheres. That’s too much to expect.’
‘And you’re an expert on childcare?’ he asked, knowing how nasty it sounded but unable to stop himself, because it was easier to fight with her than to admit how mixed up and miserable he felt right now.
‘No. But I’ve read up on it. I’ve spent time with him. And I know how Ally wanted him brought up.’
‘Fair point,’ he muttered, feeling even more guilty. He hadn’t done any of those things.
‘You don’t want to live with him, but you don’t want to let me have full-time care of him, either.’ She sighed. ‘So what do you want, Dylan?’
‘Pete and Ally back. Life as it was supposed to be.’ The words came out before he could stop them.
‘Well, unless you can turn into a superhero and spin the world round the other way to reverse time, and then stop the accident happening...’ She looked away. ‘Life isn’t like the movies. I wish it could be. That I could wave a magic wand and everything would be OK again. But I can’t. I’m a normal godmother, not a fairy godmother. And we have to do what’s right for Tyler. To make his world as good as it can be, now his parents are gone and he has only us.’
She was right. Which made Dylan feel even more guilty. He was acting like a spoiled brat, crying for the moon and stars. And it was wrong. ‘So what do you suggest?’
‘The way I see it, we have two choices. Either we do what Pete and Ally wanted, and we find some way to be civil to each other while we bring up their child, or you let me bring him up on my own.’
‘Or I could bring him up on my own,’ Dylan suggested, nettled that she hadn’t listed it as a third option.
She scoffed. ‘So, what? You get a live-in nanny and dump his care on her, and see him for two seconds when you get home from work?’
‘That’s unfair.’
‘Is it?’ she asked pointedly.
He’d rather have all his teeth pulled out without anaesthetic than admit it to her, but it was probably accurate. ‘I don’t want to live with you.’ He didn’t want to live with anyone.
‘Newsflash. I don’t want to live with you, either. But I’m prepared to put Tyler’s needs before mine. Just as I know Ally would’ve done for me, if our positions were reversed.’
And just as Pete would’ve done for him. Disgust at himself flared through Dylan’s body. At heart, he really was a chip off the old block, as selfish as his mother. And that didn’t sit well with him. He didn’t want to be like her. ‘Caring for a baby on your own is a hell of a commitment.’
‘I know. But I’m prepared to do it.’
‘Pete and Ally knew it was too much to ask one person to do. It’s why they asked us both.’
‘And you’ve had second thoughts.’ She shrugged. ‘Look, it’s fine. I’ll manage. I can always ask my mum for help.’
Which was a lot more than Dylan could do. And how pathetic was he to resent that?
‘I need some time to think about this,’ he said. Time where he could work things out, without anyone crowding his head. Where he could do what he always did when he made a business decision: work out all the scenarios, decide which one had the most benefits and least risks. Plan things without any emotions getting in the way and messing things up. ‘How long is it until you need to get back to Tyler?’
‘Mum said she could babysit for as long as I needed. I had no idea how long things would take at the solicitor’s.’
He made a snap decision. ‘OK. We’ll meet again in an hour. When we’ve both had time to get our heads round it.’
‘I don’t need t—’ she began, then shut up. ‘You’re right. I’ve had time to think about what the social worker said. You haven’t. And it’s a big deal. Of course you need time to think about it. Is an hour enough?’
He’d make sure it was. ‘An hour’s fine. I’ll see you back here then.’
CHAPTER TWO
FRESH AIR. THAT would help, for starters. Dylan found the nearest park and walked, ignoring the noise from tourists and families.
Pros and cons. He didn’t want to live with anyone. He was still licking his wounds from the end of his marriage—ironic, considering that he’d been the one to end it. And even more ironic that, if Nadine had waited six more months before issuing that ultimatum, she would’ve had her dream.
But it was too late, now. He couldn’t go back. He didn’t love her anymore, and he knew she was seeing someone else. Someone who was prepared to give her what he wouldn’t. What hurt most now was that he’d failed at being a husband.
That left him with a slightly less complicated situation; though it didn’t make his decision any easier. If he did have to live with someone else, an emotional, flaky woman and a tiny baby would be right at the bottom of his list. He had a business to run—something that took up as much of his energy as he could give. He didn’t have time for a baby.
But...
If he backed out, if he let Emmy shoulder all the responsibilities and look after the baby, he’d only be able to block out the guilt for a short time. It would eat away at him, to the point where it would affect his business decisions and therefore the livelihoods of everyone who worked for him. Besides, how could he live with himself if he abandoned the child his best friend had loved so dearly?
Given how often he’d been dumped as a child, how could he do the same thing to this baby?
He couldn’t let Tyler down. Couldn’t break a promise he’d made.
Which meant he had to find a way of coexisting with Emmy.
She’d said earlier that they wouldn’t be living together, just sharing a house. They could lead completely separate lives. All they’d need to do was to set up a rota for childcare and then brief each other at a handover. He could do that. OK, so he’d have to delegate more at work, to carve out that extra time, but it was doable. His flat was on a short-term lease, so that wasn’t a problem. And he had no intention of getting involved with anyone romantically, so that wouldn’t be a problem in the future, either.
So the decision was easy, after all.
He walked back to the café, and was slightly surprised to find that Emmy was already there. Or maybe she’d never left. Whatever.
‘Coffee?’ he asked. ‘You paid last time, so this one’s on me.’
‘Thank you.’
He ordered coffee then joined her at the table. ‘If we’re going to share a house and Tyler’s care, then we need to sort out some ground rules. Set up a rota.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Obviously. Childcare and housework.’
‘Not housework. We’ll get a housekeeper.’
She shook her head. ‘I can’t afford to pay a housekeeper.’
‘I can. So that’s settled.’
‘No. This is shared equally. Time and bills.’
Did