however much he’d hurt her, and however badly things had gone wrong, there was only one person she could think of now and only one place she needed to be.
‘Gus,’ she whispered, her voice raw with the pain searing through her. ‘I have to go to him.’
CHAPTER TWO
HOLLY didn’t care whether hospital rules discouraged running in the corridors. The only thought pounding in her mind as she raced out of the Children’s Ward was to reach Gus as soon as possible.
‘I don’t know how the accident happened,’ Gina said, keeping pace beside her. ‘We had a phone call asking us to come in and give what support we could. I came to you … Seb went to find Gus.’
‘Thank you.’
However conflicted her feelings, however strong the sense of betrayal, and however angry, hurt and upset she was with him, she couldn’t bear the thought of Gus’s grief. It was a relief to know Seb was with him. On the darkest and worst of days, when part of her had wanted to lash out at Gus, to hurt him as much as he’d hurt her, she would never have wished something this awful to happen.
Rather than wait for the lift Holly pushed open the door to the staff stairway, footsteps echoing as they hurried down two flights to the floor below. As they emerged into the wide corridor and approached the double doors of the operating suite their pace slowed and Gina rested a hand at the small of her back.
‘Holly, I’m worried about you.’
‘Worry about Gus and the baby,’ she requested, her voice shaky. ‘Not me.’
‘I know how you feel, hon, but …’
As the anxious words trailed off Holly acknowledged that, although her best friend had some understanding of the situation, no one—not even Gina—knew the true extent of her feelings, because she’d worked so hard for so many months to hide them. She had presented an outward image of calm serenity to the world … one that belied the terrible pain, loss and the sense of betrayal that ripped her to shreds.
Before Gina could utter another word Holly opened the door and headed towards the waiting area. There were several people inside—Seb, a theatre representative, Frazer and Rick from the air ambulance, a policeman … and Gus. It was to the latter that her gaze was instinctively drawn.
Dressed in A&E scrubs, he stood apart from the others and a little ache settled inside her at how symbolic that was, how characteristic of the man she had come to know. A man who had been so alone and who found it so hard to let anyone get close to him. She’d breached that reserve and for a brief while had found the man within. And had fallen in love with him. Before everything had gone so spectacularly wrong.
She hadn’t set eyes on Gus for weeks: a deliberate ploy but an unsuccessful one, because she hadn’t stopped thinking about him for a moment. Anger and humiliation churned inside her, as did the fire of resentment and jealousy, and the hurt that never went away. She’d tried to convince herself she hated him—she certainly hated what he’d done—but she despaired of the part of herself that missed him and cared about him. Now, like someone parched with thirst stumbling on a fresh oasis, she greedily drank in the sight of him.
An inch or two under six feet, he wasn’t the tallest man in the room, but to her he was the most impressive, the one who immediately held her attention. Even in the unflattering scrubs he looked heart-stoppingly handsome and intensely masculine. His thick dark brown hair was mussed—a result, she knew, of his characteristic habit of running a hand through it when he was stressed—and the way a few defiant strands flopped rakishly across his forehead was so familiar and endearing it brought a sting to her heart.
Her first instinct was to rush to him and hug him, needing both to comfort and be comforted, but as if he sensed her presence he turned to look at her. One glimpse at the stony mask on his unusually pale face and the distant expression in his smoky green eyes halted her in her tracks. Instinctively she shrank back.
That he was ravaged by shock was evident. But his pain also pained her, because it drove home again the way he’d publicly rejected her and chosen Julia … and how the two people she should have been able to trust most had hurt and betrayed her, leaving her the broken-hearted object of hospital gossip. Withdrawing into herself, she had wrestled with the stark contradiction and confusion. She remained filled with pain and bitter regret, yet a part of her couldn’t stop caring about him.
Instinctively she clung to Gina’s hand, allowing her friend to guide her to some nearby chairs to sit down. The tension in the room was palpable, and Holly tried to put her own feelings aside and assess what was happening. Frazer and Rick were in conversation with the policeman, giving their accounts, she assumed, of events at the scene of the accident. As for Gus, he was now talking with the woman from the operating room, and as Holly listened it became clear that his request to access Theatre had been refused. Moved to protest on his behalf, Holly stood up again, her legs trembling as she took a step forward to voice her own opinion.
‘Surely Gus has a right to be in there?’ she argued, all too conscious that the man in question was looking at her once more.
Gus stared at Holly in surprise. He hadn’t expected such staunch support from her, but here she was, planting herself firmly in his corner, and there was no doubt her indignation was genuine.
‘This is a difficult situation for both of you,’ the theatre administrator responded, calm and yet firm, looking from Holly to Gus. ‘But I’d ask for your patience. The specialist team are doing all they can to ensure the baby’s survival. As soon as they are free to talk to you, one of the consultants will give you all the information you need.’
He hated being denied the opportunity to witness the moment his child came into the world, especially given the risk to his or her life, yet he understood from a medical perspective why they were keeping him out of the operating room.
‘The most crucial thing is the baby,’ he allowed, his voice hoarse, a mix of emotions raging inside him.
Holly nodded, and she was close enough that he heard the little hitch in her breath. ‘I agree.’
As the theatre assistant left, and Holly returned to her seat next to Gina, Gus turned and gazed out of the window. The hospital sat on the side of a hill, and from here he could look over the valley in which the picturesque town of Strathlochan sprawled around two sides of the loch that gave it its name. The town drew patronage from a wide area, and many villages and isolated communities depended on Strathlochan’s small but comprehensive services.
There had been times in the last few months when he’d wished he’d never set foot in Strathlochan, Gus admitted, running the fingers of one hand through his hair. Times when bitter regret and intense loneliness had overtaken the brief spell of unusual happiness he’d experienced when he’d first arrived, before things with Holly had turned sour.
Right now he was struggling to come to terms with the shock of hearing Robert speak the accident victim’s name. The reality that Julia had been fatally injured brought feelings he couldn’t allow himself to dwell on, because overshadowing everything was the knowledge that his baby’s life hung in the balance.
It felt like hours, not minutes, since the helicopter had arrived and his world had turned upside down. He’d rushed up to the operating suite from A&E alone, the tension, fear and uncertainty of the wait making him nauseous. He had questions—many questions. Talking with Frazer and Rick was a priority, but they were still being questioned by one of the policemen investigating the accident.
An accident he couldn’t understand.
Why had Julia been driving? As far as he knew she’d never had a licence. He’d parked his car in the hospital car park that morning, so how and when had she taken it? Where had she been? Why? And what had happened? The police would want answers, too, but they would have to wait—one issue overrode everything else.
Had his child won the battle for life?
A ragged breath shuddered through him and