but she felt her resolve buckle. But all of a sudden going for a trail ride didn’t seem like the stupidest idea in the world.
“Okay?” Ben seemed doubtful, and Gus winked before leaving them to it.
“Don’t sound so surprised,” she muttered.
She knew this was only the start of it, or maybe it wasn’t. Because once she told Ben the truth he’d never forgive her, and then she’d never be invited back ever again.
“Do you want to go get changed?” Ben asked.
He looked her up and down, and Rebecca tried not to laugh as a smile kicked the corners of her mouth up. “I’ve never ridden in a sundress and sandals before, and I’m not about to start.”
She turned and headed back to the car as Ben laughed, wanting to look back at him but not letting herself. There was something about Ben, there always had been; a quiet strength about him that she’d been drawn to when they were both only at school, and that confidence had translated into a super sexy guy. There was nothing arrogant about him even though he’d played with the best polo players in the world, and his manner with animals? That had always set him apart from any man she’d ever met before. And it was why he’d be such a darn good father. She swallowed hard and tried not to think about what-ifs—Ben had made it clear he wasn’t ever going to have a family of his own, that he wouldn’t ever repeat the mistakes his own mom had made, and she knew that his hurt ran so deep that nothing, nothing, was capable of changing his mind. Which was why she’d kept her secret all this time. But now it was time for him to decide, for him to be the one to make that choice.
She tugged the car door open and grabbed her bag. All of her other belongings were in a small suitcase, but her riding clothes were in the same bag they’d always been in. She pulled back the zip and just looked at them for a moment, before sucking up all her jitters and swallowing them away.
She looked around to check she was alone, then took off her sandals and replaced them with socks and pulled her jodhpurs over her ankles and up her thighs. The material stretched tight, but she was pleased to be able to do the waist up. Years on, not to mention one child later, and she could still fit into the tight breeches—it was a good feeling.
Rebecca tugged her dress over her shoulders and placed it on the backseat, before grabbing her former favorite faded gray Pearl Jam T-shirt she had once worn on a daily basis. She searched for a tie in the glove box and then yanked her hair into a plait, before grabbing her helmet and gloves and closing the car door.
This was it. It was now or never.
Ben emerged from around the side of the stables, sitting astride a striking chestnut horse, and leading Willy on his left. She drew in a big breath of air and marched onward, trying hard to keep her smile from faltering.
“You look good.”
His words made her smile, even if she didn’t believe him for a second. “Liar liar pants on fire,” she joked. “But thanks for the compliment.”
“Need a hand getting on?” he asked.
“Nah, I’m fine.” She was lying, but she’d rather struggle on without any assistance from Ben. His hands anywhere near her body right now was not a good idea.
She took the reins and lifted her left leg, hopping on one foot as she tried to get it high enough to get her left one through the stirrup.
“Not quite as flexible as you used to be, huh?”
Ben dismounted and moved to help her. Heat flooded Rebecca’s face as he touched her shoulder, laughing softly.
“If it makes you feel any better, some of the guys I rode with in Argentina spent half their lives on horseback and could only mount if they were standing on a fence.”
Rebecca grimaced. She hadn’t realized that getting on the horse would be the tough part.
“Here.”
Ben cupped his hands and indicated for her to put her knee up. She did, his strong palms closing around her leg, sending spasms of warmth through her body.
“Thanks,” she said. “On three.”
She bounced three times before Ben sprang her into the air, and straight on to Willy’s back. She landed with a soft thump and felt that all too familiar turmoil in her stomach. The accident hit her memory bank like it was yesterday.
She was about to jump straight off when Ben placed a hand to her thigh, almost sending her flying off the other side. All those years they had touched, slept side by side in sleeping bags, sat close, and there had never been a reaction like that. It was as if that one night all those years ago was still pulling them together; their skin still reactive to the pressure of one another’s touch. His hand felt hot, heating through the fabric of her jodhpurs, and she knew he felt it, too.
“You’re okay,” he soothed, never taking his eyes off her.
She swallowed a lump that felt as big as a rock and nodded. Suddenly the horse seemed like the safe bet.
Ben raised his other hand to shield his eyes from the sun, gave her one of his sexy-as-heck winks and then turned back to his horse.
“You’ll be just fine.”
All of a sudden she knew she was right. It wasn’t the horse she needed to be scared of. Danger had just looked her straight in the eye and she’d managed to survive it. For now.
REBECCA FINALLY STARTED to relax. Her back had been rigid, legs clammy and neck stiff. She wondered if she’d even been breathing for fear of falling off.
“I guess this is why they say to get straight back in the saddle after a fall.”
Ben was riding slightly ahead of her but he reined back to match her horse’s stride.
“Sometimes that’s easier said than done,” he said.
“I’ve kept something from you all this time, Ben,” she admitted. It was almost impossible preparing to confess this, let alone telling him her big secret. Baby steps, she just needed to take baby steps.
He turned to watch her, eyebrows raised in question.
Rebecca sighed, looking away from him. She’d told him at the time that she’d turned down the offer she’d been made, that she’d decided she just didn’t want to leave her family and live overseas anymore. “I lied to you,” she said simply. “I was never offered a position on the women’s team, but I didn’t want to hold you back, and then after my fall, I didn’t even know if I wanted to play anymore.”
When he never replied, the only sound their horses’ hooves echoing on the dirt, she braved a glance at him. From side on his jaw looked like it was cut from steel, his entire face like stone.
“You shouldn’t have done that.” His voice was deep and gravelly. “I wouldn’t have just left you like that if I’d...”
“And that’s why I did it. I wasn’t going to make you second-guess what you wanted. We were only friends, right?” Just saying it hurt her. “It wasn’t like you were walking out on your girlfriend.”
“So you lied and told me you couldn’t leave your family? That staying behind was what you wanted? That we just didn’t share the same dreams anymore?” He grunted. “And we might not have been dating, Bec, but we were damn good friends. We’d always planned on going together.”
She knew he was angry, but she’d needed to tell him.
“I just wanted you to know the truth, Ben. It was a long time ago, but still.”
He made a grunting noise again, his shoulders bunched. “You still shouldn’t have lied to me.”
“I was a mess after everything that happened,”