“And LA is light-years from here. I bet that was a big adjustment.”
“Warm and sunny year-round? Yes, very different from here.” She forced a smile. “Then again, there’s nothing like the clear air, open skies and bright stars of Alaska. I admit there are times when I miss it.”
“Well...” Beth hesitated, then seemed to change her mind on whatever she’d been about to say. “We’d love to have you over for dinner some night while you’re here. Before you go back. Your mother is more than welcome, too.”
“I doubt she’ll be feeling up to it.”
Beth probably knew it was Rory who wouldn’t feel up to it, but she let it pass.
“I’ll ask her, though. Thanks. And, Beth...?”
“Yes?”
Rory let herself reach out to stroke the baby’s round cheek, and its sweet softness made tears sting the backs of her eyes. “Congratulations on your grandbaby. He’s just beautiful.”
“Rory—”
The door opened and there was Ellie again, interrupting whatever Beth had been about to say. It was beyond a relief.
“Your mother is all set, Rory.”
“Thanks.”
She stood and reached down to help Beth to her feet as the woman propped the baby on her hip.
“Thanks for telling me about Mika and his mother. That...helps.”
Beth squeezed her hand. “I’m always here if you ever want to talk.”
No, she didn’t want to talk. She wanted to hide in her mother’s house, take care of her, then get out of Eudemonia and bury herself in work again. She wanted to commit to that job in LA, far away from here.
“Thanks, but I’m fine.”
That lie stuck in her throat as she met her mother and Jacob walking down the hallway to the front entrance. He was so handsome, so familiar, so...distant. He’d schooled his expression into one of cool professionalism, obviously as intent on keeping an emotional distance from her as she was.
“Definitely a UTI, so it’s good you brought her in. I have a couple of sample packets of antibiotic here,” he said, handing them to her. “I’ll have Ellie send a prescription to a drugstore in Fairbanks, too, because she’ll need to be on them for at least five days.”
“Thanks. We appreciate you seeing us tonight. Sorry we kept you from... Mika.”
Their eyes met, and the pain she felt deep inside was reflected in his eyes as he reached to take the baby from his mother’s arms.
“Not a problem. He’ll have to get used to having his daddy get home late when there are patients to see. Right, buddy?”
Daddy. Buddy. Her throat tightened all over again, and she knew she needed to get out of there.
Just as she was about to turn to her mother the baby leaned forward, slapped his little hands against Jake’s cheeks, and pressed his nose to his. God, it was like something out of a beautiful family movie, and the sweetly intimate picture nearly made the dam burst.
Somehow she gulped back the tears and grabbed her mother’s arm to hustle her toward the front door. No way was she going to humiliate herself by crying right there in front of all of them. But if she didn’t leave right that second, that was exactly what was going to happen.
She felt like every hour would be a matter of survival.
WITH THE CLINIC CLOSED, Sunday was the best day for Jake to catch up on life, and he strapped Mika into his car seat so they could head to Fairbanks. His parents had offered to have him and the baby drive with them to get supplies, but he’d rather not be stuck going to some of the stores to do the things his mother considered vital. Like picking out balloons and other stuff for the party she was planning for the boy.
“Your grandma is pretty excited about your birthday, Mika,” he said. “Does it hurt your feelings that I don’t want to do any of the decorating she thinks is so important? All I want is to show up with you and eat cake—does that make me a bad dad?”
Mika grinned, babbled and kicked his feet, which Jake took as confirmation that the child didn’t think he was a bad father at all. He leaned in to kiss the baby’s cheek, and as he did so he suddenly remembered Rory’s expression when she’d walked into the office and seen him doing exactly that.
It could only be described as devastated. Every drop of color had drained from her face, and he’d been about to hand the baby to his mother and reach for Rory because he’d been so worried she might faint. Then she’d turned and practically run from the room, and he’d let her go. He knew the woman inside out, and the last thing she ever wanted from anyone was sympathy.
Even when life had thrown such a cruel blow at them she’d refused to lean on anyone, had cut herself off from her parents and her friends.
And from him. Especially him.
He hadn’t known what to do. He’d tried over and over to reach out to her. To hold her. To have them grieve together. To heal together, somehow move on with their lives together after this huge loss.
But what had she done?
She’d upped and left, crushing his dreams. She’d abandoned their plans, their future, the deep love they’d shared. She’d abandoned him, leaving him to bleed alone.
His jaw tightened with the memories. Yeah, she’d left without so much as a goodbye, and as far as he was concerned the shorter her stay here in Eudemonia, the better. He wanted to be the bigger person, to forgive and forget and move on. He thought he had. But from the first second he’d seen her in her mother’s living room, he’d known he was wrong.
What he’d felt at that moment had forced him to face the fact that he’d never forgotten even one little thing about her: her spunky, take-no-prisoners attitude toward life, softened by her loving and giving nature, her independent-to-a-fault spitfire nature that got her into trouble sometimes, her heart-shaped pixie-like face that always changed expression with the wind. Sweet, amused, angry, contrite... You never knew for sure what you’d see there.
He still remembered the exact moment he’d met her, in the fourth grade at the school outside Fairbanks he’d gone to since kindergarten. Remembered the way her beautiful green eyes had fixed on his when he’d told the kid bullying the new girl with the weird clothes to buzz off.
She had looked at him with admiration and awe, as if he was Superman, and from that moment on he’d loved spending time with her. Fishing, bicycling, playing ball, riding snow machines. She’d always acted like he was the best person in the whole world to spend time with, and he’d felt exactly the same about her.
Then college had come—and living in the same dorm building had changed things. One night, with a few illegal beers under their belts, talking had turned into kissing, and the electricity had shocked them both. From that moment their relationship had changed, and what he’d seen when he looked into her eyes had been exactly what he’d felt for her. A love so deep and clear it had made him weak, just as it had also made him strong.
He closed his eyes. She’d been a part of him for so long. And then she’d been gone for nearly as long. All through medical school without her, then moving back here with no Rory around anymore, he’d been able to fool himself that she no longer was.
He’d been wrong.
He shoved down the memories and opened his eyes to kiss Mika’s soft hair before closing the door, wishing he could kiss Rory, too, and hating himself for that. What they’d had had been special, but she’d destroyed it—and a part of him along with it. He’d better keep