heard. What about your career? How can you throw all that away just for a kid that you’re not even keeping?’
She didn’t think Lorenzo was anything like Danny, but the situation wasn’t exactly the easiest to explain. She didn’t want him thinking that either she was a saint—because she was far from that—or the naive idiot Danny had called her when she’d refused to give in to his haranguing. ‘Life throws up unexpected stuff, sometimes,’ she said with a smile, fudging the issue.
* * *
Lorenzo had seen Jenna work with their patients. He knew she was competent, and also she was confident enough to admit when something was outside her experience, as Maddie had been today—so he didn’t think she’d taken a year off because she’d been struggling with her work and needed to think about her future. So why had she taken a year’s sabbatical? Had it been a career break to have a baby, perhaps?
Though, in his experience, when his colleagues had children, they tended to talk about them. Jenna hadn’t said a word about having children of her own.
Maybe she’d had a child, then lost it.
He knew how that felt, and he didn’t talk about it. He could understand why someone just wouldn’t want the constant reminders of the empty spaces in their lives. So he wasn’t going to push her about it. Besides, she’d hit the nail on the head about his own situation. Unexpected stuff. In his case, it had been something he’d been too naive and stupid to work out for himself. That his wife had cheated on him with her ex, and the little girl he’d believed was his was actually another man’s daughter. ‘Very true,’ he said. ‘Life can be unexpected.’ And sometimes it took you a while to pick yourself up and dust yourself off again. ‘If you want anyone to test you on stuff before the exams, give me a yell.’
‘Thanks. That’s kind.’ She smiled at him, and he had to damp down the urge to lace his fingers through hers and suggest something more personal than simply exam revision.
This was ridiculous. They’d both said that they weren’t in the market for a relationship. After Georgia, he’d lost his capacity to trust.
Yet something about Jenna Harris drew him. Her warmth, her verve, her kindness.
He was going to have to be careful about this. Really careful.
Because he really didn’t want to risk his heart again.
BY THE END of Lorenzo’s first two weeks at Muswell Hill Memorial, he’d completely settled in to his new role. As Jenna had told him on the first day, the team on the ward was good to work with, and they were like a family. He’d already been to a team pizza night out, a weekend game of football in the park, and joined the ward’s quiz team—and the danceathon was happening at the weekend. It felt as if he’d been working at Muswell Hill for months rather than a matter of a few days.
The only thing he needed to deal with now was his inappropriate feelings towards Jenna.
Every time his hand brushed against hers at work, he felt a tingle all the way down his arm. When she smiled, it made his heart feel as if it had just skipped a beat. And this was crazy. He didn’t want to get involved and he knew that she didn’t, either.
He really didn’t understand why he was reacting to her in this way. It would be easier if she’d turned out to be a gossip, or an ambition-driven bitch who trampled on her colleagues to get a promotion—the kind of person he wouldn’t want to be within a mile of. But she was warm, sweet, great with their patients and parents, and he’d seen her patiently explaining something to one of the junior doctors.
* * *
And he had to admit he was attracted to her. Physically as well as intellectually. The problem was, he’d been here before with Georgia. He’d fallen in love with someone he thought loved him back—and she’d let him down in the worst possible way. He’d pretty much come to terms with the fact that Georgia had left him for someone else; although it had hurt, he could understand that if you loved someone that much it just took you over and you couldn’t help your feelings. But taking their daughter away had hurt him more deeply than anything he’d ever known. He had no intention of risking that sort of pain again.
Besides, for someone as nice as Jenna to be single and adamant that she wasn’t looking for a relationship, he’d guess that she’d been let down by someone in the past. Something to do with her year off work, perhaps. Not that he could be intrusive and ask.
So he’d have to keep his feelings under control. Remind himself that relationships weren’t for him, and he was Jenna’s colleague. Maybe they could become friends—but he wasn’t sure he could even handle that.
Strictly professional was the order of the day.
On Saturday afternoon, Lorenzo walked to the local high school and signed in, then followed the signs to the sports hall. Jenna was already there. He noticed that her hair was caught back in a scrunchie, the way it was at work, and he wondered what it would be like if she took the scrunchie out. Would her hair fall over her shoulders in wild curls?
Worst of all, he found himself wondering what her hair would look like spread over his pillow...
Oh, for pity’s sake. This was a charity danceathon. This wasn’t the time or the place to start fantasising about Jenna Harris. She was off limits and they had work to do. He shook himself mentally, then went over to her. ‘Reporting for duty, as promised,’ he said with a smile. ‘What do you need me to do?’
* * *
Jenna looked up at Lorenzo and her heart skipped a beat. Instead of the formal shirt, tie and dark trousers he always wore on the ward beneath his white coat, he was wearing jeans and a T-shirt. It made him look younger and more approachable; and she was horrified to find that she was actually reaching out to put her hand on his arm.
Absolutely not.
This wasn’t the deal. He was helping out. He was here as a new colleague and nothing more. She needed to keep this strictly professional.
She shook herself. ‘Hi. Thanks for coming to help.’ He’d asked her what she wanted him to do. Her head was suddenly full of all sorts of inappropriate phrases. She managed to get a grip on herself—just—and said, ‘There’s a table over there with all the raffle prizes on it. If you wouldn’t mind taping raffle ticket numbers to the prizes, and then folding the rest of the raffle tickets for the box, that would be great.’ She handed him a book of raffle tickets and a roll of sticky tape; her fingers brushed against his and a shiver ran down her spine.
Was it her imagination, or had his eyes just widened slightly?
Or was she reading too much into it?
This really wasn’t the time or the place.
Tickets, she reminded herself sharply. ‘We’re just using the ones on the right-hand side of the ticket page that end in a zero to stick on the prizes, but all the left-hand tickets go in the box, folded so you can’t see the number.’
‘Which means there’s a one in ten chance of winning a prize. That sounds reasonable,’ he said, and went off to sort out the raffle table.
Nathan from the Emergency Department was helping the members of Maybe Baby to set up the stage and wire up the sound system ready for the sound check; the local pub was setting up the bar to one side of the hall; and a stream of parents of their former patients came over to her to check where she wanted the food set out.
All the time, Jenna was incredibly aware of Lorenzo’s presence. This was crazy. The last thing she needed in her life right now was any kind of complication. She was busy at work and with her studies, and she liked her life just as it was.
Yet a little voice kept echoing in her head. What if...?
What if she could have what Lucy had? Someone who loved her