was. How stupid could she get?
‘Sure did,’ he confirmed. ‘I didn’t want to say so earlier on because I thought it might cause you some worry. But she was right, wasn’t she? I do fancy you.’
‘Really?’ Now she was even happier! Until she remembered that Ryan fancying a woman meant next to nothing. He’d obviously fancied Erica and look what happened to her.
‘Yes, really. But my fancying you is not a good idea, Laura.’
‘Why?’ Oh Laura, Laura, did you have to sound so disappointed when you said that?
His eyes showed that she’d betrayed herself to a degree.
‘You are a work colleague and I do not date work colleagues,’ he stated.
‘I see,’ she said, not quite so happy now.
‘You wouldn’t want to date a man like me anyway,’ he ground out. ‘I’m not what you want. Or what you need.’
Laura shook her head from side to side. ‘I’m not sure what I want or need any more.’
‘Then let me remind you: you want a man who’ll love you, marry you and give you children. That man will never be me, Laura. Because that’s not what I want.’
Laura frowned at this last statement. What had happened to Ryan in the past that he never dared to risk getting emotionally involved with anyone? Something must have happened, because it wasn’t natural to shun love. Everyone wanted to love and be loved.
‘And why is that?’ she couldn’t resist asking. ‘What have you got against love and marriage and children?’
‘Absolutely nothing,’ he bit out. ‘It’s just not for me. Look, it’s as well that we’ve had this little talk. I would hate to think that I would do something tonight which we would both regret. Under the circumstances, I think you should ask Cynthia to put me in a separate bedroom when we get back.’
Laura sucked in air sharply. ‘But I can’t do that!’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I just can’t!’
His eyes narrowed on her, with a glint of wicked humour. ‘Is this your pride speaking, or something else? Don’t tell me you’ve been secretly attracted to me all this time?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ she snapped. ‘No one was more surprised than I when I reacted the way I did when you kissed me.’
‘I wouldn’t say that,’ Ryan said dryly. ‘I was pretty surprised myself. Okay, so it’s a matter of pride. In that case I won’t ask for a separate room, but I think I will sleep on the floor. I don’t trust myself to keep my hands off you if we share a bed. Hell on earth, woman, stop looking at me like that!’
‘How am I looking at you?’ she asked, trying to sound innocent but feeling anything but. She didn’t want him to sleep on the floor. And she certainly didn’t want him to keep his hands to himself.
‘Don’t try to play games with me, Laura. I’m way out of your league in the games department. Erica called me a libertine.’
‘I don’t believe you’re a libertine at all,’ she said, feeling angry with Erica for saying such a nasty thing. ‘A libertine doesn’t care about people’s feelings. You obviously care about mine to warn me off you. A libertine would just take what he wanted without a second thought.’
‘Would he now?’
For a split second, his eyes grew so cold that a shiver ran down Laura’s spine. But then he whirled away from her and strode over to the edge of the creek. She stared after him, not knowing what to say or do. So she just stood there and waited. Eventually, the sun dipped down behind the hills and the air turned suddenly cool, at which point he turned and walked back towards her.
‘Let’s get back,’ he said, and grabbed her hand once more.
But there was nothing warm or affectionate in his grip. She could feel anger in his fingers, but wasn’t sure who he was more angry with, her or himself.
‘I promise I won’t look at you like that any more,’ she said during their hurried walk up the hill.
‘Good,’ he snapped. ‘And I promise I won’t bloody well kiss you any more!’
‘HE’S absolutely gorgeous, Laura,’ was the first thing Gran said. ‘I can’t tell you how pleased I am for you.’
They were in the old servants’ quarters, Jane propped up in bed and Laura sitting in an armchair not far from her. Cynthia had certainly done the room up nicely, Laura conceded privately, with everything Jane could wish for. The walls had been painted a rich cream colour. There was a brand-new flat-screen television sitting on a high chest-of-drawers opposite the foot of the bed and the old wooden floorboards had been freshly polished and varnished.
‘He’s a very special person,’ Laura said, trying to ignore her disappointment over Ryan’s decision not to take advantage of her obvious desire for him. It was perverse of her, she knew, but she almost wished that he would. She could not believe how much she wanted him to make love to her for real. It was cruel, the intensity of her yearning for him.
‘I hope you don’t think I’m being rude asking you this,’ her gran said. ‘But have you been to bed with him yet?’
Laura’s hands tightened over the ends of the armrests.
For a moment, she wasn’t sure what to say. But then decided to go with the truth.
‘No, Gran,’ she said. ‘I haven’t.’
‘Wise girl,’ her grandmother said. ‘Playing hard to get is the way to land a man of the world like your Ryan. Though I doubt he’s as tough as he looks.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
‘I suspect that underneath his macho façade your Ryan is quite a sensitive fellow. Reading between the lines, I wouldn’t think his childhood was a bed of roses. It must have been hard on him, not having a father, then having his mother die when he was still just a child. Damaged children can sometimes find it hard to trust, and to expect happiness. In that regard you two have something in common.’
‘I’m not damaged, Gran,’ she said defensively.
‘Aren’t you, dear? I would have thought that any girl as attractive as you who reaches your age still single has to be somewhat damaged, for one reason or another.’
‘Gran, that’s old-fashioned thinking! Girls don’t have to get married today to be happy.’
‘That’s tommy rot. Every girl wants commitment. And children. You do want children, don’t you, Laura?’
‘Of course I do, in due time. Now, Gran, please don’t start dropping hints about marriage and children at dinner tonight. Men like Ryan like to run their own race. He’ll get round to proposing when he’s good and ready.’
‘He’s nearly forty, Laura. What’s he been waiting for all these years?’
‘For the right girl to come along, I suppose,’ Laura said, but not very convincingly.
‘He won’t get a better girl than you.’
Laura’s heart turned over at the compliment. Her gran had always loved her, no matter how she’d acted. Laura knew she’d been a difficult teenager after the shock and grief of her parents’ tragic deaths. Not to mention having to live in a house where she wasn’t exactly wanted. Without her gran’s love she would have been even more wretched than she was. How on earth was she going to survive without her? Yet she would have to. And soon. There