as hard as he could run. Wild boar right behind him, whipty-cut, whipty-cut, whipty-cut, hear it come [chuckles]. Well Jack tucked through the bushes, dodgin’ this way and that way a-runnin’, and Jack run and run ‘till he’s just about gived out. And the wild boar’s about to ketch ‘im. Jack said, ‘I gotta do somethin’ quick. That thang’s gonna ketch me and kill me.’ Well Jack looked, and he seen a little old log cabin up thar in the woods. The top of the cabin had fell in, but the rest of it was still standing. Jack went ta that log cabin as hard as he could run, that wild boar right behind him, whipty-cut, whipty-cut. And Jack got to the door of that log cabin, the wild boar grabbed him by the coat-tail and ripped a big chunk outta it.
‘I’ll just pull up this old chair, will that be alright?’ An elderly man had been circling our lying bench for the past five minutes, dispersing his glass and plastics with enormous deliberation, the better to keep listening to Orville. He had his hands hopefully on the back of a folding beach chair that had seen better days.
‘That’s what it’s a-thar fer,’ said Orville, and sent a missile of tobacco spit back at the dumpster.
I gave the newcomer a firm smile that said, Fine, but sit down and be quiet.
Gosh it scared Jack, and Jack run inta that log cabin, and the wild boar come in behind ’im. Well Jack clumb up the log cabin and jumped outta the top of it, and run around thar, and pushed the door shut, and put a big rock up against it. The wild boar couldn’t get outta the log cabin.
Well old Jack went on back down to the king’s house. The king was settin’ on the porch, he seen Jack, ‘Hey, Jack, ya kill that wild boar?’
‘Well no, king, I didn’t see no wild boar.’
‘The king said, ‘That’s funny. Last ten men I sent up’ar, that boar’s tried to kill ’em and scared ’em to death. And you didn’t see no wild boar?’
Jack said, ‘No, only thang I seen was a little old pig up on the side a the mountain. That thang got ta followin’ me around, I made a pet outta it. I was gonna bring it back here and give it to you, but that thang bit me on my coat-tail and jerked a chunk outta it and made me mad, so I picked it up by the tail and the ear and throwed it in a log cabin up thar. You can go up thar and see if that’s what you want.’
Well, the king jumped up on his horse, rode up on the mountain, looked down in that log cabin, seen that wild boar, and gosh it like to scared him to death [pronounced day-yuth; chuckles]. He went back to town [pronounced ta-youn], and got sixty of his men’n Winchester rifles. They all went back up thar. That wild boar’s sa big, a-rootin’ down thar in that log cabin, and beatin’ around with them long tusks, it scared the king’s men – they wouldn’t get close enough to shoot it. Jack said, ‘Give me the gun, I’ll shoot it. And Jack went around the old log cabin, and finally found a crack. He stuck the gun in thar, and bang! Shot it between the eyes and killed it deader’n a hammer [Orville chuckled]. That wild boar fell over. It’us so big, that when they skinned it out, it took twenty-four wagonloads of meat to haul it back to the king’s house.
Two other men joined us, acknowledged by a nod of Orville’s Carolina Tractor cap.
‘You Ray Hicks?’ asked one.
Orville explained that he was Ray’s younger cousin, and related to Ray’s wife, Rosie (Ray and Rosa Hicks are also distant cousins). ‘It was Ray that got me a-tellin’, though,’ said Orville, spitting again. ‘I was a-shy, but Ray wouldn’t have it. He made me go up on stage once’t, and I told a story, and I haven’t stopped since. Sometimes I do twenty-two shows a month. And people bring thar children and grandchildren out here to th’ dump.’
‘Does anyone mind?’ I asked.
‘Th’ county hasn’t complained yet,’ said Orville, chuckling mightily. ‘Now ma own daddy, he was a Missionary Baptist preacher, and he didn’t care too much about th’ sto-rytellin’. “When mama told us tales, she’d have ta look out th’ do-or to see if daddy was a-comin’ home; if she seen him comin’, she’d quit tellin’.
Ma daddy didn’t have no car or driver’s license, so we just stayed up on th’ mountain. We didn’t have no ’lectric’ty ’till 1964, and then we didn’t have no TV. Daddy thought that was a sin. I’ll tell you about the hardest whippin’ I ever got. We’d worked all day in th’ fields, worked real hard. My brother come up to th’ house – he had an old ‘42 Chev-e-rolet, I think this happened about 1959 – and he took us young ’uns up to th’store to buy us a sody pop. Well, we got in th’ car and got up to th’ store there, about three miles, and I looked at th’ store and saw a sign. And th’ sign said, ‘Drink good ole’ Mountain Dew.’ Well, daddy started in th’ store and he said, ‘What kinda drink do you want, Orville?’ and I said, “Daddy, get me one o’ them good ole’ Mountain Dews.” Well, daddy turned right around and broke a switch off a tree, and he gave me th’hardest whippin’ I ever got. Daddy thought it was-a moonshine I was askin’ fer. But it was just sody pop. He didn’t find out ’til years later.’
Orville chuckled his rapid-fire chuckle again, as if he’d been recalling pain inflicted on someone else’s backside.
‘Ma daddy was real strict,’ he continued. ‘Fer him Christmas was just ’nother day. Mama’d get ta feelin’ sorry fer us kids, though, and fill a white rag with sugar and dip it in water er milk and tie it off, give it t’us ta suck on. She called it a sugar tit. Now ev’ry night come 7:30 we had to go to bed, even if we weren’t a-tired. Daddy’d blow th’ lights out, and if we talked we’d get a whippin’. But now, fellers, I was a-tellin’ a story to this lady, and I’ll go back to it, if that’s OK.’
Everyone shook his head very earnestly, and Orville picked up the flow as easily as if he’d been holding it in his hand all along.
Well, tha’ll went back and Jack got his thousand dollars. He put it down in his pocket. Boy, Jack was tickled t’death. A thousand dollars! He said, ‘I’ll go home, won’t have to work.’ Well Jack started down the road. He hadn’t even gotten outta the king’s sight, and the king hollered and said, ‘Heeey, Jack, hold up a minute.’ Jack looked back and said, ‘What it is, king?’
He said, ‘Jack, I just got word in that a big old lion’s got loose. It’s done eat one little boy, and girl, and Jack, me being the king, I gotta have that thang killed. People’s scared of it. If you kin kill it, I’ll give you another thousand dollars.’
Jack said, ‘Get somebody else to do it, king, I’m a-goin’ home.’
The king said, ‘Aw, c’on Jack, you killed seven at a whack. You killed a big old wild boar fer me. You ain’t scared of an old lion, are you?’
Jack said, ‘Well, I reckon I can see if I can kill it for you, king.’
The king went on out and got his horse, put his saddle on it, and him and Jack got on his horse and they rode across the mountain. Well, they see that big old lion thar. The king was s’scared of it he knocked Jack off that horse, boy he took off, whippin’ that horse, gettin’ outta thar.
Jack got off and dusted hisself off, and said, ‘I’m a-goin’ haum. I’m not gettin’ messed up with no lion, and I’m stayin’ on this little bitty road here’ll take me haum, and I’m not gettin’ lost [pronounced law-ust].
Well Jack started on that little old road towards haum. He got down the road a little piece and he come around a bend in the road, and right smack dab in the middle of the road set that big old lion all rared up. It seen Jack. It lioned, ‘Rarrrrrrrr.’ It roared s’loud, the king heard it from in town. He said, ‘Oh no, Jack’s a goner this time.’
And it scared Jack s’bad, that instead of runnin,’ Jack clumb up a big old tree. Clean to the top of it. But that old lion came and got under that tree, and looked up and seen Jack up that tree, and got its big old teeth and got to gnawin’ on that tree. Had the tree nearly cut in two. Jack was up thar scared t’death. But d’rectly the old lion dropped off [pronounced ough] to sleep. And Jack said,