only between Gary and the children but also between Gary and Jenny. Gary felt that Jenny was spoiling the children by being too lenient with them, whereas Jenny accused Gary of being jealous of her affection for them.
After six months of rows and arguments Gary began to notice that every time he sat down to rest or go to sleep his heart would start racing. When these palpitations became more frequent he started to worry that there might be something wrong with his heart, but after a thorough check-up his doctor assured Gary that his heart was perfectly all right and that the symptoms were stress-related.
Gary decided that, rather than take beta blockers or sedatives, he was going to try to work through his problems with Jenny. Together they visited a marriage guidance counsellor, who helped them develop a workable, co-operative strategy for dealing with the children. Gary also took a few lessons in relaxation to bring his stress level down. After six weeks his palpitations had decreased considerably; after a further four weeks they had disappeared altogether.
(More about the methods Gary used can be found here [relaxation] and here [addressing problems].)
CHAPTER 6
MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL REACTIONS
The interdependence between body and mind, as described in the previous section, means that physical stress symptoms will affect your mental efficiency and emotional balance. Depending on how severely you experience stress, your mental and emotional symptoms will be more or less pronounced. Typical mental reactions include racing thoughts and difficulty concentrating – as if your mind has gone into overdrive and is unable to slow down. This is why it is often impossible to go to sleep when you are stressed; your overactive mind will not let you! Apart from causing insomnia, this kind of muddled thinking and lack of concentration also leads to memory problems and difficulty retaining new information. Efficient recall depends on a focused and calm mind. If your mind is frantic no information will go into your memory and nothing can be retrieved from it, as anyone who has ever suffered from exam nerves will know.
Because you have problems concentrating when you are under stress, you are more likely to make mistakes. Your judgement is impaired and you may make rash decisions, just to get a problem out of the way. Again this can cause you to make mistakes, which in turn can dent your confidence. Some people find that rather than make irrational decisions they shy away from decision-making altogether when they are under stress. They feel harassed by life and everyone around them, and want nothing more than to be left alone. Responsibilities that were once perfectly acceptable suddenly become burdensome.
The main effect of a stressed mind is that you lose your perspective. As your brain is racing ahead and you try in vain to keep up with it, you lose your balanced frame of reference. You have difficulties prioritizing sensibly, you feel unduly rushed – even when no one is rushing you – and you become disorganized. A certain symptom of stress is when you start lots of jobs but do not finish any of them.
The curious thing about mental overdrive is that it can be quite addictive for some. Whether you like hyperactive brain activity or not, you may be reluctant to let go of it. Just like the stuntman who gets a buzz from facing dangerous situations again and again, so some people thrive on the rush of adrenalin that comes with tight deadlines, difficult business deals and tough negotiations. Even those who do not enjoy mental overdrive often find it hard to stop thinking and worrying excessively. This may be partly due to their lack of understanding about how to stop, but they may also suffer from the almost superstitious belief that, unless they worry and fret, something is going to go terribly wrong. In this sense they do not really want to relax.
The emotional side-effects of stress which go hand in hand with an overactive mind are usually so unpleasant that the sufferer seeks relief after a while. Among the emotional responses are mood changes, aggression and tearfulness. Even if you are experiencing these emotional symptoms you may not be aware of them because they tend to progress gradually over time. We all have a certain capacity for adapting to stress, and as long as no further stress builds up on top of the original amount we usually cope adequately even though we might find ourselves a bit more short-tempered and cynical than before. These negative changes may not be apparent to us because we are too busy dealing with the issues that are making us feel stressed. It is when the stress will not abate that our impatience and cynicism start to grow, possibly out of proportion. Whereas we were reasonable and had a generally positive outlook before, we have now seemingly changed personality.
The way these emotional changes progress depends on your general predisposition. Some people become dejected, feel depressed and consider themselves a failure; others feel anxious or even panicky and struggle with feelings of guilt about their perceived inadequacy; still others develop phobias or tics or start suffering from nightmares. A distorted perspective often results in an altered perception of yourself and others, and always for the worse. As you feel dejected and incompetent you begin not to like yourself very much and also suspect others of feeling the same. Some people find it difficult to express their feelings about how stress is getting to them; instead they shout, cry or kick the cat … This usually results in a vicious circle, where their fear of being disliked becomes reality as a result of their behaviour. This, in turn, creates more stress: ‘I knew nobody really likes me, and here is the proof!’
WARNING SIGNS
MENTAL STRESS SYMPTOMS
lack of concentration
forgetfulness
inability to remember recent events
inability to take in new information
lack of co-ordination
mind going round in circles
indecisiveness
irrational or rash decision-making
being disorganized
making mistakes more frequently
misjudging people and situations
inaccuracy
struggling with simple tasks (adding up, working simple machinery)
paying inordinate attention to detail
EMOTIONAL STRESS SYMPTOMS
anxiety
phobias
panic and panic attacks
feeling persecuted
aggression
cynicism
guilt
depression
mood swings
tearfulness
nightmares
feeling abandoned
excessive worrying
loss of sense of humour
withdrawal
SUCCESSFUL STRESS MANAGEMENT
CASE HISTORY: POOR MEMORY
Linda (37) had been working in her job for five years when her company was hit by recession. A great number of people were made redundant in order to keep the company afloat. Linda felt lucky that she had been kept on, but her workload seemed to double practically overnight. Whereas before she had felt competent and in control, Linda now described herself as struggling to keep her head above water. She was particularly worried by her forgetfulness and inability to remember conversations she had had with colleagues or issues that had been raised in