suddenly he wanted to hurt her as she had hurt him, to know how it felt, for his heart had splintered into a million pieces the evening Norah had told him she really and truly was going to America and he realised that she had just been playing with him. It had all been for nothing, the endearments she had whispered were meaningless and the love he had for her she had thrown back in his face, and so despite Tom telling him to keep the news to himself he said, ‘Saw Tom last night.’
‘Oh yes?’
‘He was telling me about some trouble with Celia.’
Norah’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. Surely Joseph was lying. ‘Tom wouldn’t tell you anything like that,’ she said.
‘Well he didn’t have to tell me much, did he?’ Joseph said. ‘I mean, we all saw how she was with that hand at Fitzgerald’s place. Anyway, she’s cooked her goose right and proper for Tom was after saying that your father has decided to pack her off to America.’
Norah’s eyes opened wide for that was news to her.
‘America?’ she said in surprise, not yet aware that this sudden decision by her father had any bearing on her plans in any way. ‘Celia will hate that. It’s me that’s always wanted to go to America.’
‘I know,’ Joseph said in a sympathetic tone. ‘Pity then that your plans have been scuppered by your sister.’
‘What do you mean scuppered?’ Norah snapped. ‘It’s all in hand. Mammy has sent for the ticket and everything.’
‘I know,’ Joseph said in the same consoling voice. ‘But when that ticket arrives it will be for your sister, Celia, not you.’
Norah’s cheeks drained of colour as she leapt from Joseph’s side, her eyes in her bleached face looking as though they were on stalks. ‘You’re lying!’ she said accusingly.
‘What would be the purpose of lying to you?’ Joseph said. ‘Tom told me himself. Said it was the only way that they could keep Celia away from that McCadden chap.’
‘It can’t be true. It can’t. They can’t do that,’ Norah cried as bitter tears of disappointment spurted from her face and dribbled down her cheeks and watching her Joseph was smitten with guilt as he realised there was no satisfaction for him in seeing his beloved so distressed. He felt worse than ever for blurting out something he had been warned to keep quiet about and for having done it in the middle of town, where all the people passing could witness Norah’s wretchedness. Suddenly Joseph picked up the two bags of shopping with one hand and with the other guided Norah into an alleyway, away from the gaze of curious shoppers intrigued by the sight of the Mulligan girl crying openly in the street. And Norah continued to cry as the visions and plans she had made for when she got to America flitted across her mind and she groaned.
She refused Joseph’s offer of the loan of his handkerchief and wiped the tears from her face with her hands as heartbreaking sobs racked her body over and over. Joseph stayed helpless beside her, longing to take her in his arms, but she was holding herself so stiff he knew she would reject him. Words too would be futile, so the only sounds were the agonising sobs and the gasps of Norah. And they seemed to pierce Joseph’s very soul. It seemed they had been there hours before Norah eventually wiped her hands across her tear-stained face and said brokenly, ‘You must have had some hand in it. You never liked the idea of me going to America.’
‘No, I didn’t,’ Joseph admitted. ‘But I was learning to accept it for I had no right to keep you here, but how I felt about things would have had no bearing on the decision your father made.’
Norah shook her head from side to side as if she couldn’t quite believe it. ‘I never thought that Daddy was so unfair, so cruel, and Mammy must have been involved too. They knew how much going to America meant to me. I’ve talked of little else for months. And,’ she added fiercely, ‘I’ll never forgive them for this, never ever. And now I’m off to confront them.’
However, the tears she had shed had left her feeling faint and light-headed and her legs felt suddenly shaky and she almost fell over when she reached for the shopping bags. ‘Let me,’ Joseph said. ‘I can carry at least one of them home for you.’
She didn’t want him to, didn’t want him anywhere near her, but thought it might be more embarrassing to fall flat on her face in the Main Street of Donegal Town. She gave a brief nod of her head and Joseph picked up the larger and heavier of the two bags and linked his other arm through hers and she was unsteady enough to feel a little grateful.
‘I suppose you’re glad about all this?’ Norah said as they walked along the road.
Joseph was ecstatic, but he knew Norah didn’t want to hear that and so he chose his words with care. ‘I would be lying if I didn’t say that I am happy that you are not going to disappear to America, but I know how much it meant to you and I hate to see you so upset. If I can help in any way just ask.’
Joseph’s words made Norah feel quite humble for she knew how distressed Joseph had been when she had thrown him over and so she said, ‘You are a much nicer person than me, Joseph O’Leary, for I know I hurt you badly and really thought you might hate me now.’
Joseph shook his head. ‘I couldn’t hate you,’ he said. He gave a sigh and went on, ‘You didn’t want to hear this at the time and possibly don’t want to hear it now but I will say it anyway, and that is that I love you, Norah. I can’t really remember a time when I didn’t love you and you don’t stop loving a person because they don’t feel the same way and you can’t turn it off like a tap when that relationship is over.’
Norah was nearly reduced to tears again then, not for herself this time but for Joseph, who she realised loved her with a deep abiding love and she had taken him so much for granted. ‘I’m sorry, Joseph,’ she said. ‘I never knew you felt that strongly.’
‘You would never let me tell you,’ Joseph said.
‘Yes because I didn’t want you to feel that way with my heart set on going to America.’
‘I know,’ Joseph said quietly. ‘At least, I didn’t know it all at first. I mean you were always talking about America and I knew you had a hankering for it, but I thought it was just a fantasy, especially when you agreed to walk out with me.’
‘That was unkind,’ Norah admitted. ‘And it was Celia said I had to be straight with you and I was and it hurt you.’
Joseph didn’t deny it, but he did say, ‘I had to know sooner or later and whenever you would have told me it would have hurt.’
They reached the head of the lane to the farm. ‘I’ll leave you here,’ Joseph said. ‘You will have to speak with your parents and they’ll not want spectators.’
‘Goodbye, Joseph.’
‘Goodbye, Norah.’ Joseph drew her gently into his arms. There was nothing sexual in the gesture and Norah submitted to it and reflected on what a good and selfless man Joseph was and it was a pity she couldn’t bring herself to love him as he loved her.
It was as she reached the door of the farmhouse that she realised she had forgotten half the things her mother wanted and she supposed she would get into trouble for it but that mattered less than finding out whether what Joseph had told her was true or not. And it was and the only thing Peggy was concerned about was her being told in that way. Norah ranted and raved to no avail and Peggy just waited without saying a word until she was done.
‘You can’t do this to me,’ she cried in anguish in a husky voice where tears still lurked.
‘We can and we have.’
‘But, Mammy, it’s not fair,’ Norah said. ‘You promised when I was twenty-one I could go. Celia is only just eighteen and she never had a yen to go to America and I had and—’
Peggy suddenly lost patience with Norah and she said sharply, cutting her off, ‘It’s about time you grew up. When you get as old as I am you’ll realise that life is seldom