Destined to Feel. Indigo Bloome

goddess you are, he’ll have me to contend with and you know what I’m like.’

      She smiles her gorgeous smile and I can’t help but try to grin back. ‘Very theatrical Jeremy but yeah, I do know what you’re like.’ She gives me a fun, playful, loving thump on my upper arm. ‘Always my protector.’

      ‘I will always be there for you, Alexandra. It’s very important to me that you know that.’ I seem to be drowning in solemnity which I’m sure must be freaking her out, particularly if she loves him and not me. I must try to get my head around supporting the choice she’s making and I need to lighten things up — urgently. ‘In the meantime, he doesn’t have you this weekend, I do, so if this is our last weekend together before you “settle down”’ — I can’t keep the bitter undertone from catching in my voice — ‘then rest assured, we will be making the most of it.’

      I can’t bear to look at her face as I experience the unusual sensation of hot tears pooling in the corners my eyes so I pick her up instead and she squeals as I carry her to the edge of the rock shelf and leisurely throw her into the warm, aquamarine water. I wait till she rises to the surface, then promptly jump in to retrieve what’s mine, at least for now. I desperately need the diversion of the water against my skin, which helps to wash away my turbulent emotions and lighten my heavy heart.

      I will not let her slip through my fingers again! I slam my fist hard on the wooden bench of the bar, my skin burning with determination.

      ‘Jeremy, are you okay?’

      ‘Oh, Sam, I didn’t see you come in.’

      His usually jovial face is lined with worry and concern. I quickly wipe any sign of moisture away from the corner of my eye; he shouldn’t have to see me like this. Fuck it, we shouldn’t be in this situation at all.

      ‘Yeah, I’ve been a million miles away. Any update?’ I raise my hand to the barman to indicate we need service and order more whisky which momentarily takes the edge off my pain but it will be the last one. I can’t afford to be playing anything but my A game when it comes to Alexa.

      ‘Actually, I do have some news. The signal from Alexandra’s bracelet has been traced to St Pancras station, they believe she boarded a train to Paris. The tracking device on the bracelet is not as effective on high-speed trains but we have been able to correlate the timing of the train departures and the bracelet and we are ninety per cent sure. Unless —’

      ‘What?’ I say harshly, frustrated by his seemingly longwinded explanation. ‘Unless what, Samuel?’ Shit, I really do need to control my temper.

      ‘Well, they could have tampered with the bracelet to throw us off the trail. Do you think they could know about it?’ Samuel asked.

      ‘There was nothing about the security of the bracelet on my system at work, that was kept in another department. What about yours?’

      ‘Same. So we should be all right for a while, or at least until they try to remove it — and realise they can’t.’

      ‘Well, we need to get going. If they think she’s in Paris then that’s where I’m heading.’ Finally, something to focus on rather than drowning in sorrow. I start to rise but Sam puts his hand on my arm to stop me.

      ‘That was a few hours ago, Jeremy. She could be anywhere in continental Europe by now. I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of speaking to Martin directly, knowing how upset you —’

      The look on my face stops him in his tracks and I take a deep breath to calm my anger. Control it, Quinn. ‘Sorry, Sam, of course, yes, please continue.’

      He visibly relaxes, I must look scary. Sam is not easily unnerved.

      ‘Anyway, we detected the signal at Gare du Nord for a short time and lost it again. The security guys are assuming she must be on another train travelling southeast from Paris towards the Swiss border but we won’t be 100% sure until she is stationary. We should have an exact location in the morning. Martin is hoping to finalise the team in the next twenty-four hours.’

      ‘What?’ I am shouting. ‘We can’t wait that long, Sam, they’ve fucking abducted Alex!’

      ‘These things take a while, Jeremy, and they don’t want to get the authorities involved just yet …’ Sam’s tone is placatory but I don’t want to hear it. Why the hell haven’t Martin and Moira been calling me and instead talking to Sam? I grab my phone out of my jacket pocket and see that I’ve had five missed calls and that it’s been on silent. Shit! How the hell did that happen? I slam it down on the bench top in complete frustration; absolutely nothing is going my way.

      I shake his hand off and stand up.

      ‘You have to be kidding me?’ Blood pounds through my head. Samuel’s calmness inflames my anger and I’m teetering on the edge of civility. I pick up the phone again, my fingers fumbling in my attempt to make the call to sort this mess out. Sam interjects quickly.

      ‘Apparently, they’re trying to avoid any red tape if we are forced to act quickly, if you know what I mean.’ He looks flustered at these words and adds hastily: ‘Anyway, we’ll take the first flight to Paris in the morning, and hopefully have a more comprehensive picture of where she has been taken.’

      I reluctantly consider his words and try to temper my fury. ‘Oh, right, I see where you’re coming from. Yes, if we need to act quickly, we don’t want to be asking permission from anyone, for anything.’ I take the last swig of my whisky in an attempt to take the edge off my nerves and my fear for AB’s wellbeing. If only she were in the safety of my arms right now. A burst of rage fires in my belly that is so strong, I feel like I could kill the bastards who have taken her captive. Not an appropriate emotion for a medical professional but I don’t give a fuck at this point.

      ‘I need to be on the first flight out, Sam, as soon as we have a location. Let Martin know.’ I need some fresh air quickly, I’m feeling so claustrophobic.

      ‘Will do.’

      I’m becoming a rude arrogant bastard and it’s not fair to take it out on Sam when he’s doing everything to help. I take a deep breath and make a determined effort to control my threatening emotions. I soften my voice and place my hand on his shoulder. ‘Thanks, Sam. I appreciate it. It’s just killing me, not knowing if she’s okay. I need to get her back.’

      ‘I know, Jeremy, and we will.’

      Part Three

      While the doctor is reflecting, the patient dies.

      — Italian proverb

      Alexa

      After scrubbing my skin to remove the filth, jetlag and tears, I allow the steaming water to cascade over my tired and exhausted muscles, my emotions numb. My heart feels frozen. I don’t know how long I have been under this scorching rain of water and I don’t care. My brain seems incapable of making even the simplest of decisions. It isn’t until I realise I am in a crumpled heap on the floor of the shower and the water temperature is cooling over my limbs that I shudder and consider getting out. To what? I wonder. Where am I? Who has done this to me? Who could do this to me? There are no tears left to shed. I have more than used my quota.