does,’ she agreed. ‘Think it’ll take?’
‘I do. They’re stronger than they look.’
She stared at him, thinking on some level he was referring to her. She cleared her throat. ‘Lots of things are stronger than we think they are.’
‘Look,’ Jack said, turning to face her fully. ‘Like I said, I don’t mean to intrude, or wig you out or anything. I get the feeling I’m stepping on your solitude. Invading your space. It wasn’t my intention. I was just worried, is all. When we bumped into you –’
‘Literally!’ she said, trying to bring some levity to the situation since he seemed genuinely distressed. ‘Or more like, me into you.’
‘I guess what I’m trying to say is, I was concerned. But like some idiot, I came rushing over here, uninvited, thinking – fuck, I don’t know. Thinking I was some white knight on a horse going to help out the damsel in distress. But you’re not a damsel and you’ve got your shit together and you sure as hell don’t need me to come in and rescue you from some imaginary dragon.’
‘Jack –’
‘I’ve known you three days.’ He sipped his Chai. ‘Three days and I just felt this restless urge to come over here and make sure you were OK, but the thing is, I think that was stupid because three days ago you didn’t know me and you were just fine. Anyone can see that.’
She stared at him, not knowing what to say. Not knowing how to respond to any of the things he’d said. Spot on, and yet so far from the truth. She often didn’t feel OK or together. She often felt like a hot mess, operating under the thin guise of being a competent human being. She’d let her guilt and her worry weigh her down and it was only now that it was beginning to dawn on her that that weight was starting to pull her under. To drown her. Her life was slipping past as she avoided experiences and people and kept herself tucked away, safe, busy but alone.
‘August?’ He cocked his head and she watched the concern bleed into curiosity.
‘Jack?’
‘Yeah?’
She shook her head. Then she pressed her hands to his stubbly cheeks and leaned forward and kissed him. He went rigid for a split second, and then his lips softened and met hers with as much urgency as she felt. When she moved closer, his lips parted and her tongue slipped along his. He cupped the back of her head, anchoring her, to earth it felt like, and kissed her more deeply.
August rose from her stool, pushing away the crazy rat-brain panic that told her to run, and took a step toward him. Jack tugged her into the V of his widespread legs and wrapped his arms around her. The kiss went on and on. The feel of his warm tongue against hers, his soft lips. It hit her like a strong cocktail, flooding her limbs with warmth.
August shut down the worry and pushed her fingers into his thick hair. She moved her body even closer, feeling the heat of his legs on either side of her hips. The strength of the arm wrapped around her. She broke the kiss, intent on saying something even though she didn’t know what. What came out of her mouth surprised her. Surprised Jack too, from the look in his dark eyes and the way his eyebrows rose.
‘Touch me, Jack,’ she said. No embarrassment. No apology. ‘Please…touch me.’
He studied her for a moment, weighing the words, reading her expression. His mouth descended on hers again and she reminded herself of the logical things Carley had said, the wonderful things his sister had said. Now that she’d made the decision to trust in those words, in him, she felt an urgency that she hadn’t felt in too long to recall.
His hands settled on her hips as his lips brushed softly down the slope of her neck. He scraped her collarbone with his teeth and she shivered, her nipples tightening inside her bra. The soft fabric against the sensitive skin was maddening.
He slid his fingers inside her waistband and stroked her skin until a rash of goosebumps sprang up along her hips. Then one hand was at the back of her head again, holding her close for the kiss, as the other slid down inside her trousers and breached her panties. His fingers parted her, found her clit, stroked.
August felt that heat already raging inside her increase. Her body quivered with a fine tremor as he continued to stroke, and her breath left her lungs when Jack changed his touch. He slipped a finger inside her, flexing it so that it stimulated every desperate nerve ending deep inside her that craved this intimacy.
‘Wet,’ he murmured, lips against hers. Then he added a second finger and began to slide them in and out. Her body was growing taut, the tremor turning into outright shaking.
But his arm was around her and he was holding her tight. She shut her eyes, met his kiss with a need she had long ago forgotten. His thumb found her clit even as his fingers continued to thrust and when he pressed his lips to her ear and said, ‘It’s OK, August. Just let go…,’ she did.
She let go and let the orgasm take her under. So intense for a bit of fumbling about, she thought wildly. But so nice, so perfectly, wonderfully, good to be touched by another person. To feel safe enough to let herself go completely.
All those thoughts swirled restlessly in her head even as her body did what it was designed to do. Flexing and gripping and riding the wave of euphoria that seemed to come from nowhere in its suddenness.
She stilled, his arm looped around her waist, and she said, ‘Wow.’
‘Wow,’ he said. Then he reared back and looked her in the eye. His eyes were an unpaintable colour, she thought. Nothing could capture the shade or the depth.
‘You OK? I know…a little,’ he said, suddenly unsure of himself, ‘about you. And…’ He shook his head, withdrawing his hand. ‘The time that’s passed for you.’
‘There’s more to that sad tale of woe than I even told you,’ she said, and laughed softly.
She didn’t feel embarrassed, she was surprised to note. She felt lighter. And calmer than she had in ages.
She finally stepped back from him, but kept her hand on his. The fire in her cheeks continued to blaze and she knew if she looked in the mirror there would be twin red spots, as big as blooming roses.
‘Then tell me,’ he said, seeming hopeful.
She picked up her cup and smiled. ‘OK. I’ll tell you some now. And some later. It’s too much to put out there at once. It exhausts me to think about it, let alone say it. You’re very good at this, you know,’ she said. ‘The listening thing.’
‘Hey, not all of us are Neanderthals.’
‘Anyway, I began to shut myself off after Aaron,’ she rushed on, afraid the spell of this moment in time would break and leave her once again building walls around herself.
‘Understandably.’
‘But,’ she said, levelling her gaze with his, ‘I embrace my damage, Jack. It’s my damage that makes me as strong as I am. I know I might not seem strong to you –’
Jack opened his mouth to speak but she held up a hand and shook her head. Eager to finish her thought and make her point.
‘It takes an enormous amount of strength to cut yourself off from everything the way I have. More than you can imagine.’
He brushed her too-long bangs out of her eyes and said, ‘August, I’ve never mistaken you for anything other than strong.’
‘I’m going to nutshell this,’ August said. She found herself rushing her words in case they dried up. For so long she’d been refusing to open up about this to anyone other than her most trusted friend. Now she found the urgency to say it aloud overwhelming.
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