some of whom had little enough for themselves, were willing to share with them. Norah also visited, and Stan were always popping in and out.
The priest, Father Brannigan, came too, purporting to show support and sympathy in their loss, but managed to turn it round to slight condemnation against Matt and Mary for letting the boys go in the first place. While he drank two cups of tea he ladled three sugars into them and ate all the scones that one of their neighbours had brought round for them earlier that day.
Eventually, annoyed at the implied criticism Angela knew Mary and Matt were unable to cope with, she said, ‘Sean and Gerry had no permanent work, Father. They had to go each day to the factories to pick up a few hours’ work if they could. Often they arrived home empty-handed.’
‘Many work that way.’
‘But maybe they haven’t an alternative,’ Angela said. ‘But Sean and Gerry had two brothers already in America who could find them good jobs and have them lodging in the same house as themselves. It was a wrench for them to go for all of us, but I know they felt bad when they could contribute nothing at home. They saw themselves as a drain on the family and could see no future for themselves. No-one did anything wrong and yet Mammy and Daddy have lost two sons and maybe prayers, rather than censure, would be more helpful at this point.’
Had Mary and Matt been thinking straight they probably would have been surprised at Angela talking to the priest that way, but it all went over their heads and even Father Brannigan didn’t come back with a sharp retort as he would normally, for he was unused to any form of criticism from his parishioners. However, Angela’s words had hit home and he had seen the sadness lurking behind her eyes that glittered with unshed tears, and so they all knelt and said the rosary together and before the priest left he promised to say a Mass for the repose of the boys’ souls.
That comforted Angela a great deal but it didn’t seem to sink in to Mary and Matt. As the loss turned into a manageable ache, Barry had to go back to work, for they had to eat, and Matt made no effort to return. Mary seemed incapable of caring for the house or cooking anything and so Angela tried to give up the good job she had at Maitland’s grocer shop to look after them both.
However, Mr Maitland wasn’t happy losing his assistant who worked so hard and was a favourite with the customers because she was always so cheerful, and he said it had been a terrible tragedy and it was unreasonable to expect the parents to get over the loss of two sons straight away, and he gave her another week before he advertised for someone else. Barry was glad about that because he was the only one working and he hoped Angela could return to work before too long because money was so short.
However, the extra week was drawing to a close as one day slid into another with no change, and that night as Barry made his way home from work he’d made a decision, but first he had to talk to Angela. He had a bit of a wait but he was a patient man. Angela had cooked liver and onions and Barry tucked in with relish, glad that Angela was such a good cook and an economical one. His parents, he noted, had eaten little and he knew if they were to recover from this, he had to give them something to look forward to.
Eventually, with Mary and Matt helped to bed, Angela sat down on the settee before the hearth opposite Barry with a sigh. ‘Tired?’ Barry asked.
Angela nodded. ‘A little but it’s the emotional part of it that wearies me most.’
Barry shook his head. ‘I don’t know how you put up with it day by day.’
‘Well I owe your parents my life and love them dearly anyway. But I could cope much better if I could see some light at the end of the tunnel and for their sake more than mine.’
Barry suddenly moved to sit beside Angela and caught up her hand, something he hadn’t done since she’d been small and she wasn’t sure how to react. But she had no time to think because Barry looked deep into her eyes as he said, ‘What do you think of me, Angela?’
Angela looked at the dear and familiar face and his intense dark eyes and felt her stomach turn over like she had butterflies fluttering inside and her mouth was dry enough to make her voice husky when she said, ‘Wh … What d’you mean?’
‘You know what I mean,’ Barry said almost impatiently. ‘But if you are shy of saying so I will tell you what I think of you. That all right?’
Angela gave a brief nod and Barry went on, ‘I love you, every bit of you. I think I’ve loved you from the moment I first saw you with your blonde curls, your lovely blue eyes. But those eyes in the early days were sad and confused, and I wanted to help you and so I was determined then to be the best big brother I could be.’
‘And you were,’ Angela assured Barry. ‘But you were more than that. You were my protector, my knight in shining armour. I wouldn’t have got on half as well without you and I loved you too.’
‘As a brother?’
Angela swallowed deeply and said, ‘Yes, as a brother.’
‘You were a child and I was a child,’ Barry said. ‘But my love for you has changed and deepened and now I love you as a man loves a woman and I need to know if you feel the same.’
Angela didn’t answer straight away but then what she did say was, ‘I think it’s wrong for me to feel towards you any other way than as a brother.’
‘Why?’
‘Well we were brought up as brother and sister.’
‘Yes but we are not brother and sister. There is no blood between us and that’s what counts,’ Barry said earnestly. ‘Look, I had no intention of speaking of this, not because I was unsure of my own feelings but because I know you are only just sixteen and I am only nineteen. I intended leaving it two years till my apprenticeship is over and I’m earning decent money.’
‘You might be in an even worse state financially then, if you are laid off when you turn twenty-one as your brothers were,’ Angela said.
‘Yes and I’m afraid it may well be,’ Barry said and it did worry him that he would end up the same, but there was nothing he could do about that. He shrugged. ‘It’s a chance I must take,’ he said. ‘But whatever happens I’ll want you by my side, loving me as a woman with a love strong enough to withstand anything life throws at us.’
He hoped she felt the same, for he would not force her, and so he said almost tentatively, ‘Angela, could you love me even a little bit?’
Angela had been having strange yearnings flowing through her body when she was near Barry, or sometimes even when she just thought of him for months. She wasn’t sure what they were and she had tried to ignore them, pushing them down into her subconscious, certain the Church would say they were sinful. Most enjoyable things were.
But Barry’s words and passionate eyes boring into hers had unlocked her feelings and so she answered, ‘No.’ She saw his face fall and she added with a smile, ‘There’s no way I can love you a little bit, I can love you an enormous big bit.’
Barry felt as if his heart had stopped in his breast and he looked at Angela incredulously. ‘You mean that?’
‘I most certainly do. I can’t say when I stopped loving you just as a brother; I just know that I tried to push the feelings down, but the thought of not having you in my life fills me with fear. But now we have admitted our feelings for each other I think we will have to keep them secret from Mammy.’
‘Well my brothers seemed to think she knows already.’
‘Oh, she’s maybe guessed a bit but she won’t know for definite,’ Angela said. ‘I think we must hide our happiness for a wee while.’
‘Why?’
‘Well, out of respect, I suppose.’
‘You knew Sean and Gerry as well as I did,’ Barry said. ‘And if it is as the priests say and they are in a better place and can look down on us, knowing them well, do you think they’d be happier in Paradise if we lamented long and hard and went round