she tried to picture him with a bevy of gorgeous blondes doing things with him she could never do. It didn’t help. When the doorbell rang, she was suddenly breathless.
Later, she never knew how she faced him with any degree of composure. Her heart was racing, her palms slightly damp, and she felt as giddy as a schoolgirl. But when she opened the door to him, she greeted him with a smile that was calm and serene. If her heart was thundering like a locomotive on a downhill run, no one had to know that but her. “Hi.”
“Thanks for seeing me like this, with no notice,” he said gruffly as he stepped into her living room. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
“No, not at all,” she assured him. Dropping down into her favorite chair in front of the fireplace, she motioned for him to take a seat on the couch. “Now what’s this you wanted to run past me? Have you tracked down a suspect?”
“Not exactly,” he said in disgust. “According to everyone I’ve talked to, Joe doesn’t have any major enemies, but he’s ticked off more than a few people over the years. And he invited them all to his party. I was hoping you could help me eliminate some of the names on the list.”
“I’ll try,” she promised. “What do you want to know?”
“Start with the immediate family and tell me everything you can about each person’s relationship with Joe. Who’s close to him, who’s not, who argues with him or owes him money or doesn’t like his business practices. And don’t worry about this going anywhere beyond this room. Whatever you tell me is privileged information.”
He was strictly business and somber as a judge, and Rebecca felt like a fool for thinking he might have stopped by for any other reason than to talk about the case. Thankful he couldn’t read her mind, she deliberately focused her thoughts on the family. If he could be all business, so could she.
“I guess I should start with Meredith,” she said quietly. “They argue sometimes, but it’s usually over minor things—like having dinner with just the family. She likes to entertain a lot and it drives him nuts.”
Surprised, Austin frowned. “When I was a kid, I got the impression she didn’t care much for the social scene. When did that change?”
“I don’t know,” she replied, trying to remember. “I guess it was after Joe, Jr. and Teddy were born. Once they were in school, she had more time on her hands and really enjoyed having people over. It just seemed to mushroom after that.”
“And their marriage? It’s okay?”
“Oh, I think so,” she replied, surprised that he asked. “It’s not all lovey-dovey like it was when they were younger, but that’s pretty normal, isn’t it, when people have been married as long as they have? And Meredith changed after the accident.”
The entire family knew about the car accident nine years ago when Meredith was driven off the road by a drunk driver when she was taking Emily for a visit with her natural grandmother. Shaken by the near tragedy, Meredith hadn’t been quite the same since.
“She never recovered from that, did she?” Austin asked quietly.
“She’s harsher,” Rebecca said. “More on edge. I guess that’s what happens when you come so close to death.”
Noncommittal, Austin only shrugged. “Then what about the kids? Do all of them get along with him? I’m not just talking about now,” he said quickly, before she could answer. “Were there any fights or disagreements in the past? Any resentments that might have festered over the years into rage?”
Frowning, Rebecca didn’t even have to think about that. “Oh, no. Joe’s always been supportive of the kids. He never missed one of Rand’s football games if he could help it, and he’s crazy about the girls. Drake …” Searching for words to describe Drake, she smiled sadly. “I don’t think Drake ever got over Michael’s death. I never had a brother and can’t imagine what it would be like to lose one, especially a twin. He doesn’t let anyone get close to him, but I don’t think he harbors any resentment against Joe. He just stays to himself.”
Unable to think of anything else, she grimaced. “This isn’t what you wanted to hear, is it? Obviously, Joe’s infuriated someone but I don’t see how it could be anyone in the family. They’re too close-knit for that. It’s got to be someone he works with. Have you talked to Graham or Emmett yet? They’d be able to help you with that more than I would. You have their numbers, don’t you?”
Austin nodded. Joe’s brother, Graham, and his old army buddy, Emmett Fallon, both worked closely with him at Colton Enterprises and would know better than most any enemies Joe had made in the corporate world. “I have appointments with both of them tomorrow.”
Considering that, there was little left to say, and they both knew it. “I guess I wasn’t much help, was I?” she said with a rueful smile. “Sorry.”
She was no sorrier than Austin. Damn, he enjoyed talking to her! And watching her. She was so unpretentious and natural. He liked her smile, her shyness, the sincerity in her eyes. But he’d gotten what he’d come for, and there was no other reason to linger.
Disappointed, he pushed to his feet. “Don’t apologize,” he said gruffly as she, too, stood. “I’ve been out of the family so long that I really don’t know anyone anymore. Your insight helped. Thanks.”
He wisely didn’t make an excuse to see her again, but walking away from her wasn’t nearly as easy as he’d hoped. As he thanked her again and let himself out, he found himself fighting the need to turn back and ask her out to dinner. If she’d given him the slightest encouragement, he would have been in trouble. She didn’t.
Two
He wouldn’t call her again.
Lying in her lonely bed that night, Rebecca stared at the ceiling in the dark and faced the fact that Austin would, in all likelihood, never call her again. She’d told him everything she could about the family and done all that she could to help him. There was little reason for him to contact her again.
She should have been relieved. By his very presence, he stirred feelings in her that had no chance of ever developing into anything but hurt and frustration, and she knew she should have been thankful to see the last of him. Instead, she’d never felt lonelier in her life.
Why, she wondered, couldn’t she be like other women? Why couldn’t she have a husband and children? Why couldn’t she know what it was like to have a man turn to her in the middle of the night and reach for her? Make love to her?
Because you can’t bear to have a man touch you, a voice in her head said flatly. Until you find a way to come to grips with that, you’ll never have anyone.
Slow tears seeped from the corners of her eyes. She’d tried, she thought, swallowing a sob. When she’d first come to live with Joe and Meredith, she’d been shy and afraid and had just wanted to hide away from the world and be left alone. She hadn’t even been able to sit at the table with the family at mealtime and eat. With time and patience and the best therapists, however, she’d started to trust again, to let people back into her life…not only Meredith and Joe, but the children, then her extended foster family and friends. Amazingly, she’d even gotten past the fear of dating. But she still hit a brick wall whenever it came to intimacy.
She’d thought she’d accepted that, but for the first time in a long time, she wanted something she couldn’t have. And it hurt. Turning over, she buried her face in her pillow and gave in to the sobs she could no longer hold back.
When she woke the next morning with a thick head and swollen eyes, she would have liked nothing better than to call in sick. But she knew she’d only brood if she stayed at home, and at work, at least, her students would keep her too busy to think of anything but them. With a groan, she rolled out of bed.
From there, everything seemed to go wrong. She couldn’t find the belt that went with her dress, the new shoes she wore hurt her feet, she