I eat not lords.
TIMON.
An thou shouldst, thou’dst anger ladies.
APEMANTUS.
O! they eat lords; so they come by great bellies.
TIMON.
That’s a lascivious apprehension.
APEMANTUS.
So thou apprehendest it, take it for thy labour.
TIMON.
How dost thou like this jewel, Apemantus?
APEMANTUS.
Not so well as plain dealing, which will not cost a man
a doit.
TIMON.
What dost thou think ’tis worth?
APEMANTUS.
Not worth my thinking. How now, poet!
POET.
How now, philosopher!
APEMANTUS.
Thou liest.
POET.
Art not one?
APEMANTUS.
Yes.
POET.
Then I lie not.
APEMANTUS.
Art not a poet?
POET.
Yes.
APEMANTUS.
Then thou liest: look in thy last work, where thou hast
feigned him a worthy fellow.
POET.
That’s not feigned; he is so.
APEMANTUS.
Yes, he is worthy of thee, and to pay thee for thy
labour: he that loves to be flattered is worthy o’ the flatterer.
Heavens, that I were a lord!
TIMON.
What wouldst do then, Apemantus?
APEMANTUS.
Even as Apemantus does now; hate a lord with my heart.
TIMON.
What, thyself?
APEMANTUS.
Ay.
TIMON.
Wherefore?
APEMANTUS.
That I had no angry wit to be a lord. Art not thou a merchant?
MERCHANT.
Ay, Apemantus.
APEMANTUS.
Traffic confound thee, if the gods will not!
MERCHANT.
If traffic do it, the gods do it.
APEMANTUS.
Traffic’s thy god, and thy god confound thee!
[Trumpet sounds. Enter a MESSENGER.]
TIMON.
What trumpet’s that?
MESSENGER.
'Tis Alcibiades, and some twenty horse,
All of companionship.
TIMON.
Pray entertain them; give them guide to us.
[Exeunt some attendants.]
You must needs dine with me. Go not you hence
Till I have thank’d you; when dinner’s done,
Show me this piece. I am joyful of your sights.
[Enter ALCIBIADES, with the his Company.]
Most welcome, sir!
[They salute.]
APEMANTUS.
So, so, there!
Aches contract and starve your supple joints!
That there should be small love ‘mongst these sweet knaves,
And all this courtesy! The strain of man’s bred out
Into baboon and monkey.
ALCIBIADES.
Sir, you have sav’d my longing, and I feed
Most hungerly on your sight.
TIMON.
Right welcome, sir!
Ere we depart we’ll share a bounteous time
In different pleasures. Pray you, let us in.
[Exeunt all but APEMANTUS.]
[Enter two LORDS.]
FIRST LORD.
What time o’ day is’t, Apemantus?
APEMANTUS.
Time to be honest.
FIRST LORD.
That time serves still.
APEMANTUS.
The more accursed thou that still omitt’st it.
SECOND LORD.
Thou art going to Lord Timon’s feast.
APEMANTUS.
Ay; to see meat fill knaves and wine heat fools.
SECOND LORD.
Fare thee well, fare thee well.
APEMANTUS.
Thou art a fool to bid me farewell twice.
SECOND LORD.
Why, Apemantus?
APEMANTUS.
Shouldst have kept one to thyself, for I mean to give thee none.
FIRST LORD.
Hang thyself!
APEMANTUS.
No, I will do nothing at thy bidding: make thy requests to thy
friend.
SECOND LORD.
Away, unpeaceable dog! or I’ll spurn thee hence.
APEMANTUS.
I will fly, like a dog, the heels of an ass.
[Exit.]
FIRST LORD.
He’s opposite to humanity. Come, shall we in,
And taste Lord Timon’s bounty? he outgoes
The very heart of kindness.
SECOND LORD.
He pours it out; Plutus, the god of gold,
Is but his steward: no meed but he repays
Sevenfold above itself; no gift to him
But breeds the giver a return exceeding
All use of quittance.
FIRST LORD.
The noblest mind he carries
That ever govern’d man.
SECOND LORD.
Long may he live in fortunes! Shall we in?
FIRST LORD.
I’ll keep you company.
[Exeunt.]
SCENE II. The Same. A room of state in TIMON’S House
[Hautboys playing loud music. A great banquet served in; FLAVIUS and Others attending: then enter LORD TIMON, ALCIBIADES, Lords, and Senators, VENTIDIUS and Attendants. Then comes, dropping after all, APEMANTUS, discontentedly, like himself.]
VENTIDIUS.
Most