mumadyetsa.
– Ndimapanga ndalama pa chakudya. Ndipo amayi amaphika ndikudya kuchokera kuzomwe ndapeza. Muli nazo?
– Kuvomerezedwa, kumvetsetsa, kulandiridwa…
– Wachita bwino, abambo ako, ndipo iwe …?
Mwana adayimilira pa SMIRNO, pomwe wansembe adamuthamangitsa.
– Wachita bwino kukhazikika m’khola, koma ndachita bwino.!!..
– .. Asshole… heh heh heh… Salaga. – Otila adamenyetsa kumbuyo kwa mutu mofatsa kwa mwana wake, koma Izya adachoka ndikumaperekera fanizo molunjika kumanda (mphuno) ya abambo ake, m’mene amaphunzitsira.
– Uh..– Ottila anasangalala, kubisala ululu, dzanja lake limapindika, ndipo m’maso mwake misozi, – Ndiye, kodi amayi akudyetsani kapena ayi?
– Amadyetsa. Amadyetsa mokoma … – mwana adayamba kutola khutu lakumanzere … – Ndipo mlongo wanga ndi ndani?
– Ndipo iwe ndi mlongo wanga?.. Ndipo ndinu ANTHU! – bambowo adamwetulira ndikuvala magalasi ake, adatsika patebulo kupita pa mpando ndikulemba mtsogolo, akugwada pansi kotero kuti anali okwera.
– Ndipo zikutanthauza chiyani kwa OTSITIRA athu, sabata ija… uyu… Purezidenti wina adabwera …, Amereka, ma KGB akugona, ndipo anthu ali ndi nkhawa?
– Kodi pulezidenti wina ndi uti? – Maso a abambo anatuluka kuchokera pansi pagalasi.
– Ndiomwe umatseka ndi Mphamvu mchipindacho mukakhala kuchimbudzi kwa maola atatu,..
– Kenako chiyani?
– .. ndiye, iwo amaseka ndikutuluka, ngati amphaka mu Marichi mumisewu usiku, ndiye ngakhale amanunkhira ngati ma piglets pamene sanalowererepo. Ndipo mutuluke – ndikatha kusamba – kunyowa.
– Ndipo ndili kuti nthawi ino? – bambowo adagwedezeka.
– Ndipo mumakhalabe kuchimbudzi kwa ola limodzi.., kenako, monga nthawi zonse, kumafuula: «bweretsani pepalalo!!!».
– Apa, piss!!. – adapulumuka ku mano a General Klop.
– Ndipo «bitch» ndi chiani?
– Kodi inu musayerekeze kunenanso choncho. Chabwino?
– Anamvetsetsa, kuvomerezedwa, Ameni. – Ndidadzukanso, ndikutsutsana ndi Izza.
– Muli ndi ntchito yankhondo, kuti mudziwe kuti Purezidenti wachiwiri uyu ndi ndani.
– Wapezeka kale. Uyu ndiye woyang’anira wanu – Intsefalopath Arutun Karapetovich.
– Kodi munthu wachikulireyu? Ali wamkulu kuposa iye zaka makumi atatu, ndipo wamkulu kuposa ine. Hei… uyu ndi wopusa, kodi ndi wachibale?! – Klop adalemba ndikuyamba kulemba zina.
– Ha ha ha ha!!!! -Nditakhala kanthawi pang’ono, bambo anga anaphulika mwadzidzidzi ndipo pafupifupi anaphulika pampando wake. Ndi momwe amasekera, kuti ngakhale mawu owerengeka sangathe kufotokozedwa, zonyansa zokha. Koma adamgwira mwana phewa lake. – Ah, ha, chabwino, pitani, ndikuyenera kugwira ntchito, ndipo Purezidenti winayu ali ndi mazira a nkhuku mufiriji yake m’matumba ndi nsapato zake.
– Hee-hee, – Izya adagontha mwakachetechete, – ndipo mwina ndi ukatswiri?
– Mukufuna…
Mwanayo adakondwera ndikuthawira gawo loyamba la chimbudzi.
Protagonist wachiwiri komanso wothandizira woyamba wa apolisi amchigawochi, Corporate Intsefalopat Harutun Karapetovich, yemwe anali gastorbwriter, adapeza ntchito pakupuma kwapakati, makamaka chifukwa cha mkazi wa Ottila, Isolda Fifovna Klop-Poryvaylo. Anali wamtali katatu kuposa abwana ake ndipo wowonda kasanu kuposa mkazi wa abwana ake. Mphuno imasekedwa, ngati chiwombankhanga ndi masharubu, ngati Budyonny kapena Barmaley. Pafupifupi, mwana weniweni wamapiri, yemwe kumayambiriro kwa Perestroika, akupita kukathira mchere, amapunthwa ndikuganiza mu gorisi, pomwe pagalimoto yonyamula katundu yotseguka popanda denga, ndi malasha ochokera ku Tbilisi-SPb sitima yonyamula katundu. Pamalo opulitsira, Lyuban adadzuka ndikudumpha. Anagwira ntchito apa ndi apo mpaka pomwe anakumana ndi mkazi wapolisi wamchigawo uku akumamwa. Adamuvomera ngati m’bale wawo wochokera ku Caucasus.
Atamaliza ntchito, Ottila Aligadzhievich Klop, monga nthawi zonse, adatenga chithunzi patebulopo ndi chithunzi cha Purezidenti yemwe sanayende bwino, napumira pa iye, ndikupukuta pamanja, ndikupsompsona pamphumi pamutu ndikubwezeretsanso pamalo ake abwino pakona yakumanja ya tebulo, ndikuyiyika pensulo yanyumba ndi zolembera, mphira, mapensulo Phukusi lililonse la nyuzipepala zotsatsa zaulere zaukhondo. Adadana ndi pepala la kuchimbudzi. Ndi yopyapyala ndipo chala chimabedwa pafupipafupi panthawi yofunikira kwambiri ndiye muyenera kuyisula. Ndipo ndikugwedeza pamalo pang’onopang’ono, pali mwayi wa chala chomwe chikugunda chakumaso kwa mkati mwa chimbudzi cha Soviet Union ndikumva kupweteka, nzeru zake zidapangitsa kuti chala chodwalacho chinyowe ndi malovu ofunda, m’malo mwake akumva kukoma kwa ndowe zake, zomwe adavala kwa maola 24, kuyika chimbudzi.
Kupukuta thukuta pamphumi pake, mikono, mikono, miyendo ndi pansi pa mazira, pomwe adalumbira thukuta kwambiri, adagwiritsa ntchito chopukutira chosamba. Mukufunsa: bwanji osasanza? Yankho lake ndi losavuta: thaulo ndilokulirapo ndipo limatenga nthawi yayitali.
Kunali kochedwa, ndipo banjali linali kale kupuma kale. Ottila, atalowa mkati mwa nyumbayo, analowa m’khitchini mwakachetechete, atenga chikwaniro cha mafuta owonjezera malita asanu kuchokera mufiriji. Kulandidwa kwa huckster wakwanuko. Anawakakamira mpaka m’mimba, amangotenga mbale, pomwe panali chigawo cha hering’i, cholumidwa ndi m’modzi wanyumba. Kapena mwina mbuzi yakale iyi, Intsephalopath, yemwe anali asanamenyeke mano ake moyo wake wonse ndipo anangoluma nsagwada ndi caries.
«Ndichifukwa chake ndinali ndimasamba,» Klopa adazindikira, «akupsompsona Isolde, Isolde Izyu, ndipo Izya amapsompsona milomo yanga kwa zaka zisanu ndi zinayi zomwe amabwera kuchokera kusukulu kamodzi kapena kawiri pachaka. Uku sikuti kwa pedophilism, m’modzi kapena awiri … – Koma mano a Incephalopath anali akuda, hemp ndi mizu nthawi zonse amatuluka magazi, koma Harutun sanamve kupweteka konse. Kusokonezeka kumeneku mu DNA sikunamuvulaze konse, koma m’malo mwake kunathandizanso pakufufuza.
Ottila anali atakwinyira ndipo anafuna kubwezeretsa mundawo, koma atangotaya mtsuko, anaganiza zokana. Kuwala kwa mwezi kumachotsa chilichonse. Chifukwa chake adasintha malingaliro ake ndikupita pagome. Kunali TV yaying’ono kukhitchini, ndipo anayiyatsa njira. Komanso ndili m’njira, ndinapita pachitofu cha gasi ndipo ndinatsegula chivundikiro cha poto, nditayimirira pa tiptoe. Fungo lake, atatopa nalo, adangomwa mowa Ottila ndipo adafuna kudya kamodzi. Adatenga chikho cha mbale: mbale, piritsi, tsabola, pepeni, mkate, mayonesi, wowawasa wowonda, kefir, airan, kounto, ketchup, tsamba la bay, mug, zikuni ziwiri: zazikulu ndi zazing’ono, ndipo, akuvutika kuti agwire bwino, adapita patebulo, adadzuka natopa: manja onse awiri adadutsa, adadzaza kwambiri komanso ndimangogwiritsa ntchito mawondo. Chilichonse chidayima chimayenda pang’onopang’ono. Ottila anayesera kukankhira mbale patebulo ndi mphuno yake, koma gome linali lalitali, ndipo nsonga zake zinayamba kutupa. Ottila adadzitukumula ndikuyika chilichonse pampando. Kenako anangoyendayenda kwinaku akukankha mpando kuti mutha kuwona TV, ataimirira pampando, womwe akukonzedwanso ngati tebulo, ataimirira, adatsanulira magalamu zana limodzi ndi makumi asanu mumiyala ndikutulutsa mokwanira, nadzaza zonse nthawi imodzi ndi swig imodzi ndikumapita nayo mokweza mawu omveka. Adasilira ngati ndimu yakale, osazengereza, adagwira gawo laing’onoting’ono ndi asanu onsewo ndikumangiriza theka limodzi ndi mafupa. Mafupa anakumba mkamwa mwake ndi lilime lake. Adaweruka, koma kenako adakumbukira yoga ya abambo ake ndiku kuyiwala zowawa, popeza agogo kapena ana amaiwala makiyi ndi zopusitsa zina. Kenako pamzere panali msuzi. Msuziwo umakhala ndi zodetsa zotsatirazi: nandolo, sauerkraut, mbatata, anyezi wokazinga ndi kaloti pa phala la phwetekere, nyanga za tirigu zofewa, semolina, dzira la nkhuku yosakanizika ndi chidutswa chogwiritsidwa, chipolopolo, kukula kwake, komanso kukula kwa fupa limodzi ndi nyama m’malo osungirako poto. Nyama, mwachiwonekere, idadyedwapo kale, pamfundo: «M’banja lalikulu… musadina.» Poyamwa msuzi watupa kale ndikuwoneka ngati ntchentche zamahatchi, Ottila adalumikizidwa pafupa ndikukhala moyo, kwinaku akumvetsera mosamala nkhani. Magazini yotsatira ya Call Center inali pa TV:
– Ndipo