I be smiling for? I'd rather laugh. (Both laugh) Are you afraid of tickling?
LIPA
Stop it! What a boy you are still!
SAVVA
All right. And Kondraty, isn't here yet. I wonder why. Do you think the devil has taken him? The devil is fond of monks, you know.
LIPA
What strange fancies you have. Why, now you are joking—
SAVVA (somewhat surprised)
They are not fancies.
LIPA
My fancies are different. You are a dear now, because you talk to me. In the evening I'll tell you all about myself. We'll take a walk together, and I'll tell you everything.
SAVVA
Very well, I'll listen. Why shouldn't I?
LIPA
Tell me, Savva, if I may ask—are you in love with a woman?
SAVVA
Ah, switched around to the subject of love after all—just like a woman! I hardly know what to say. I did love a girl, in a way, but she didn't stick it out.
LIPA
Stick out what?
SAVVA
My love, or perhaps myself. All I know is that one fine day she went away and left me.
LIPA (laughing)
And you?
SAVVA
Nothing. I remained alone.
LIPA
Have you any friends, comrades?
SAVVA
No.
LIPA
Any enemies? I mean is there anyone whom you particularly dislike, whom you hate?
SAVVA
Yes—God.
LIPA (incredulously)
What?
SAVVA
God, I say—the one whom you call your Saviour.
LIPA (shouting)
Don't dare speak that way! You've gone out of your mind!
SAVVA
Ah! I touched your sensitive spot, did I?
LIPA
Don't you dare!
SAVVA
I thought you were a gentle dove, but you have a tongue like a snake's. (He imitates the movements of a snake's tongue with his finger)
LIPA
Good Lord! How dare you, how can you speak like that of the Saviour?
Why, one dares not look at him. Why have you come here?
[Kondraty appears at the door of the tavern, looks around, and enters quietly.
KONDRATY
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost!
SAVVA
Amen! You're very late, my gracious lord!
KONDRATY
I did the will of him who sent me. I was picking young little cucumbers for the Father Superior. He has them made into a dainty dish which he loves dearly for an appetizer. My, what infernal heat! I was in pools of perspiration before I got through.
SAVVA (to Lipa)
You see, here is a monk. He likes a drink. His cussing vocabulary isn't bad. He is no fool, and as to women—
KONDRATY
Don't embarrass the young lady, Mr. Tropinin. In the presence of a lady—
SAVVA
And furthermore, he doesn't believe in God.
KONDRATY
He is joking.
LIPA
I don't like such jokes. What have you come here for?
KONDRATY
I am here by invitation.
SAVVA
I have some business with him.
LIPA (without looking at Savva)
What have you come here for?
SAVVA
For nothing that concerns you. You had better have a talk with him. He is a chap that possesses a great deal of curiosity. He's not a fool, either, but knows what's what.
LIPA (looking searchingly at Savva)
I know him well, I know him very well.
KONDRATY
To my regret I must admit it's true. I have the unenviable fortune of being known as a man who does not observe the outer forms of conduct. It is on account of that characteristic I was fired from my position as government clerk, and it's on that account I am now frequently condemned to live for weeks on nothing but bread and water. I cannot act in secret. I am open and above-board. In fact, I fairly cry aloud whatever I do. For example, the circumstances under which I met you, Mr. Tropinin, are such that I am ashamed to recall them.
SAVVA
Don't recall them then.
KONDRATY (to Lipa)
I was lying in a mud puddle in all my dignity, like a regular hog.
LIPA (disgusted)
All right.
KONDRATY
But I am not ashamed to speak of it; first, because many people saw it, and of course nobody took the trouble to get me out of it except Savva Yegorovich, and secondly, because I regard this as my cross.
LIPA
A fine cross!
KONDRATY
Every man, Miss Olympiada, has his cross. It isn't so very nice to be lying in a mud puddle. Dry ground is pleasanter every time. And do you know, I think half of the water in that puddle was my own tears, and my woeful lamentations made ripples on it—
SAVVA
That's not quite so, Kondraty. You were singing a song: "And we're baptized of him in Jordan"—to a very jolly tune at that.
KONDRATY
You don't say! What of it? So much the worse. It shows to what depths a man will descend.
SAVVA
Don't assume a melancholy air, father. You're quite a jovial fellow by nature, and the assumption of grief doesn't go well with your face, I assure you.
KONDRATY
True, Savva Yegorovich, I was a jolly fellow; but that was before I entered the monastery. As soon as I came here I took a tumble, so to speak; I lost my joviality and serenity and learned to know what real sorrow is.
[Tony enters and remains standing in the doorway gazing ecstatically at the monk.
SAVVA
Why so?
KONDRATY (stepping nearer and speaking in a lowered voice) There is no God here—there's only the devil. This is a terrible place to live in, on my word it is, Mr. Savva. I am a man with a large experience. It's no easy thing to frighten me. But I am afraid to walk in the hall at night.
SAVVA
What devil?
KONDRATY