Both one and other he denies me now:
The reason that I gather he is mad,—
Besides this present instance of his rage,—
Is a mad tale he told to-day at dinner,
Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doors against his way.
My way is now to hie home to his house,
And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
He rush’d into my house and took perforce
My ring away: this course I fittest choose,
For forty ducats is too much to lose.
[Exit.]
SCENE 4. The same.
[Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS and an OFFICER.]
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
Fear me not, man; I will not break away:
I’ll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
To warrant thee, as I am ‘rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood to-day;
And will not lightly trust the messenger
That I should be attach’d in Ephesus;
I tell you, ‘twill sound harshly in her ears.
[Enter DROMIO OF EPHESUS, with a rope’s end.]
Here comes my man: I think he brings the money.
How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
Here’s that, I warrant you, will pay them all.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
But where’s the money?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
Five hundred ducats, villain, for rope?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
To a rope’s end, sir; and to that end am I return’d.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.
[Beating him.]
OFFICER. Good sir, be patient.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
Nay, ‘tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.
OFFICER.
Good now, hold thy tongue.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
Thou whoreson senseless villain!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. I am an ass indeed; you may prove it by my long ‘ears. I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows: when I am cold he heats me with beating; when I am warm he cools me with beating. I am waked with it when I sleep; raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when I return: nay, I bear it on my shoulders as beggar wont her brat; and I think, when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.
[Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, and the COURTEZAN, with PINCH and others.]
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Mistress, ‘respice finem,’ respect your end; or rather, the prophesy, like the parrot, ‘Beware the rope’s-end.’
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
Wilt thou still talk?
[Beats him.]
COURTEZAN.
How say you now? is not your husband mad?
ADRIANA.
His incivility confirms no less.—
Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
Establish him in his true sense again,
And I will please you what you will demand.
LUCIANA.
Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!
COURTEZAN.
Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy!
PINCH.
Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.
PINCH.
I charge thee, Satan, hous’d within this man,
To yield possession to my holy prayers,
And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
Peace, doting wizard, peace; I am not mad.
ADRIANA.
O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
You minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion with the saffron face
Revel and feast it at my house to-day,
Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut,
And I denied to enter in my house?
ADRIANA.
O husband, God doth know you din’d at home,
Where would you had remain’d until this time,
Free from these slanders and this open shame!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
I din’d at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
Were not my doors lock’d up and I shut out?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
Perdy, your doors were lock’d and you shut out.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
And did not she herself revile me there?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
Sans fable, she herself revil’d you there.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
Certes, she did: the kitchen-vestal scorn’d you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
And did not I in rage depart from thence?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
In verity, you did;—my bones bear witness,
That since have felt the vigour of his rage.