Arthur Sullivan

The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan


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delicately modulated instrument (indicating the drum). She can,

       no doubt, establish the King's identity beyond all question.

       LUIZ. Heavens, how did he know that?

       DON AL. My young friend, a Grand Inquisitor is always up to

       date. (To Cas.) His mother is at present the wife of a highly

       respectable and old-established brigand, who carries on an

       extensive practice in the mountains around Cordova. Accompanied

       by two of my emissaries, he will set off at once for his mother's

       address. She will return with them, and if she finds any

       difficulty in making up her mind, the persuasive influence of the

       torture chamber will jog her memory.

       RECITATIVE—CASILDA and DON ALHAMBRA.

       CAS. But, bless my heart, consider my position!

       I am the wife of one, that's very clear;

       But who can tell, except by intuition,

       Which is the Prince, and which the Gondolier?

       DON AL. Submit to Fate without unseemly wrangle:

       Such complications frequently occur—

       Life is one closely complicated tangle:

       Death is the only true unraveller!

       QUINTET—DUKE, DUCHESS, CASILDA, LUIZ, and GRAND INQUISITOR.

       ALL. Try we life-long, we can never

       Straighten out life's tangled skein,

       Why should we, in vain endeavour,

       Guess and guess and guess again?

       LUIZ. Life's a pudding full of plums,

       DUCH. Care's a canker that benumbs.

       ALL. Life's a pudding full of plums,

       Care's a canker that benumbs.

       Wherefore waste our elocution

       On impossible solution?

       Life's a pleasant institution,

       Let us take it as it comes!

       Set aside the dull enigma,

       We shall guess it all too soon;

       Failure brings no kind of stigma—

       Dance we to another tune!

       LUIZ. String the lyre and fill the cup,

       DUCH. Lest on sorrow we should sup.

       ALL. Hop and skip to Fancy's fiddle,

       Hands across and down the middle—

       Life's perhaps the only riddle

       That we shrink from giving up!

       (Exeunt all into Ducal Palace except Luiz, who goes off in

       gondola.)

       (Enter Gondoliers and Contadine, followed by Marco, Gianetta,

       Giuseppe, and Tessa.)

       CHORUS.

       Bridegroom and bride!

       Knot that's insoluble,

       Voices all voluble

       Hail it with pride.

       Bridegroom and bride!

       We in sincerity

       Wish you prosperity,

       Bridegroom and bride!

       SONG—TESSA.

       TESS. When a merry maiden marries,

       Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries;

       Every sound becomes a song,

       All is right, and nothing's wrong!

       From to-day and ever after

       Let our tears be tears of laughter.

       Every sigh that finds a vent

       Be a sigh of sweet content!

       When you marry, merry maiden,

       Then the air with love is laden;

       Every flower is a rose,

       Every goose becomes a swan,

       Every kind of trouble goes

       Where the last year's snows have gone!

       CHORUS. Sunlight takes the place of shade

       When you marry, merry maid!

       TESS. When a merry maiden marries,

       Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries;

       Every sound becomes a song,

       All is right, and nothing's wrong.

       Gnawing Care and aching Sorrow,

       Get ye gone until to-morrow;

       Jealousies in grim array,

       Ye are things of yesterday!

       When you marry, merry maiden,

       Then the air with joy is laden;

       All the corners of the earth

       Ring with music sweetly played,

       Worry is melodious mirth,

       Grief is joy in masquerade;

       CHORUS. Sullen night is laughing day—

       All the year is merry May!

       (At the end of the song, Don Alhambra enters at back. The

       Gondoliers and Contadine shrink from him, and gradually go off,

       much alarmed.)

       GIU. And now our lives are going to begin in real earnest!

       What's a bachelor? A mere nothing—he's a chrysalis. He can't

       be said to live—he exists.

       MAR. What a delightful institution marriage is! Why have

       we wasted all this time? Why didn't we marry ten years ago?

       TESS. Because you couldn't find anybody nice enough.

       GIA. Because you were waiting for us.

       MAR. I suppose that was the reason. We were waiting for

       you without knowing it. (Don Alhambra comes forward.) Hallo!

       DON AL. Good morning.

       GIU. If this gentleman is an undertaker it's a bad omen.

       DON AL. Ceremony of some sort going on?

       GIU. (aside). He is an undertaker! (Aloud.) No—a little

       unimportant family gathering. Nothing in your line.

       DON AL. Somebody's birthday, I suppose?

       GIA. Yes, mine!

       TESS. And mine!

       MAR. And mine!

       GIU. And mine!

       DON AL. Curious coincidence! And how old may you all be?

       TESS. It's a rude question—but about ten minutes.

       DON AL. Remarkably fine children! But surely you are

       jesting?

       TESS. In other words, we were married about ten minutes

       since.

       DON AL. Married! You don't mean to say you are married?

       MAR. Oh yes, we are married.

       DON AL. What, both of you?

       ALL. All four of us.

       DON AL. (aside). Bless my heart, how extremely awkward!

       GIA. You don't mind, I suppose?

       TESS. You were not thinking